Just the kind of twisted humor I needed this morning.

This is really funny, if you have a weird sense of humor like me. I wish I were funny enough to come up with that myself.

I wonder...

...if the people on shows like Baby Story and Bringing Home Baby are coached by the producers to be so annoying and clueless.

Or if it's just me.

Another moment of "What are they thinking?"

So have you heard of the new law going in to effect next month? I'm not sure our gov't officials really thought this through very well. It affects everything!

If you haven't heard (or read the article in the link), there's a new law on the books effective Feb 10, 2009, that says that ALL children's items being sold or given away must be tested for safety (free of lead and something else I can't remember the acronym of). So resale shops, handmade items at craft fairs and online and *gasp*, stores that sell used children's books (including homeschool books) will have to have all their items tested. The problem is is that it's quite pricey to have those items tested, and most of the small businesses and work-at-home moms won't be able to afford it. And even our children's libraries will be affected.

This is just craziness. Now I'm feeling compelled to go stock up on clothes for the kids from the great little resale shop I just found. And I need to get the kind of sling that I was planning on buying because the only way you can find them is handmade. AND I'll need to go buy all the baby bows I was planning on getting from a work-at-home mom.

I wonder if our marvelous gov't will bail my behind out with all the debt I may incur before Feb. 10.

At first, I thought this was totally no big deal and just a case of a slow news day and sensationalist reporting on the part of the news station I heard it on (local news, not my precious Fox News). But the more I've heard and read and learned, the stupider this sounds. At a time of 'economic crisis', they choose to enact a law that could shut down an entire industry?? What are they thinking???

Of course, one thing I read said that early last year, people were jumping up and down about the safety of our kids' toys after all the recalls. We were all yelling for gov't intervention. That's another moment of, "Be careful what you wish for".

Comedic relief

Earlier this evening, Sweet Hubby had to run into the Wal*mart for a few things while the kids and I stayed in the car (brrrr...baby, it's cold outside). Stephen started to tell me something, then asked me to turn the radio down so he could concentrate. I did and he said, "Toads have dry, rough skin and frogs have smooth, wet skin." I told him he was exactly right.

He immediately followed up with, "And did Jesus have teeth?"

Buggy Update

After my post yesterday, the boys, who were still talking about putting the bug in the trash and trying to get rid of it, starting discussing between themselves what the natural predators would be for that kind of roach. When they decided a bird would eat a bug, they started to make bird calls, hoping to scare the bug out of the house. The fact that there was no open door or window didn't seem to bother them.

Before Sweet Hubby got home, my mother-in-law came by to pick us up so we could go run some errands. Zachary immediately reported the situation to her and she disposed of the bug for us.

All is right with the world.

Crazy bug-hater

I walked in to the living room last night after putting the kids to bed, and saw a large semi-dead tree roach in the middle of the floor. Like the completely mature adult that I am, I left it there, hoping it would be more dead in the morning...and also hoping that Sweet Hubby would be home before the kids freaked out too much about it.

When we got up this morning, it was still there. I assumed (wrongly) that it was 100% dead, seeing as how it was still in the same place and position in the living room. (I should probably state here my disgust for just about everything with six legs...add wings to those six legs, and I'm done, acting like a complete fool if it comes anywhere within 20 feet of me--or looks like it might think about coming anywhere within 20 feet of me....and this is a trait I've passed on to my children). After the kids and I stared at it for a while (still assuming it's deadness), Stephen bravely volunteered to pick it up. There was no argument from me as I threw the paper towel at him. He wadded the paper towel, picked it up and headed for the kitchen trash.

And then. It moved.

At which point Stephen threw the paper towel and the roach 5 feet in the air, Zachary and I squealed, leaped out of our skins and landed on the couch. The kids were pretty freaked out, I however, was laughing hysterically. Stephen, in desperate attempts to convince me that I should be the one to pick it up, started telling me that I was the grown-up and all I had to do was pick it up and run to the trash and why don't we get a shoe to kill it first and we could make Zachary do it or maybe Marc-Adam would do it and we had to eat breakfast soon and he wasn't going to eat breakfast with that thing sitting next to the table...and on and on and on. In a completely shameful moment of desperation, I asked Marc-Adam if he wanted to smack the bug with a shoe, to which he replied, "Ew."

The poor bug was actually still moving, twitching it's legs *shudder* and spinning in buggy circles on it's back. I decided it was time to take some action, because seriously, I was hungry and no way was I eating breakfast with the bug looking at me. So, again like the completely mature adult that I am, I retrieved the paper towel, threw it over the bug and pushed the bug and paper towel over to the trash can with a broom. I added in a smack for good measure and that's when the bug came out from underneath paper towel (consequently, it was also when I needed a change of clothes). It wriggled and squirmed in it's feeble attempts to rescue itself from the crazy lady, but eventually flipped back to it's back and spun in a few more buggy circles.

And ladies and gentleman, that's where it still sits as I type this. Sweet Hubby won't be home for another hour or so, but I'm content with the bug's location at this time. I don't have to look at it or think about it (despite the children telling me repeatedly that all I have to do is pick it up and put it the trash).

Ask me why I feel the need to say this

Zachary: (holding up his forefinger to his daddy) Daddy, I have a boogie!

Sweet Hubby: Well, go get some toilet paper to wipe it on.

Me: Take a piece a toilet paper OFF THE ROLL before you wipe it!

Oh, my. And ew.

Don't read this if you're squeamish and/or plan to eat eggs in the next decade.

But if you're a fool for weird stuff, like me, then please read on.

And it only goes down hill from here.....

You know you have at least two little ones of the boy variety in your home when a good portion of the conversations begin with:

"Hey, you know what would be really gross....?"

Wha...??

Zachary burped quite loudly at lunch yesterday. Stephen said, "Zachary, you can control burps! And toots."

Zachary said, "And beavers?"


Um.....sure?

I forgot about this....

I bookmarked this link a while back meaning to blog about it...you may think it's the dumbest link ever shared, but I find it fascinating. I guess if you start thinking real hard (which I never have time to do) you could probably start figuring out that we're all related really. But I find these kinds of genetics stories really interesting.

Hell must be having a cold front

My Zachary does not like eggs. It must be two years now that he's refused eggs in any form. Usually, when the kids don't like a certain food, I make them have it on their plate anyway and sometimes I make them taste again, just to make sure they still don't like it. But not eggs with Zachary. I've given up. He's so adamant about not having an egg anywhere near his plate, that now I usually make him a different meal if we're having eggs or he just eats the meal without them.

Tonight, Stephen asked to have a boiled egg with dinner. So I made 4 boiled eggs...one for me, one for the neighbor girl and one each for Stephen and M-A. As I was cracking them, Zachary runs in and says, "Can I hold an egg, Mama?" I asked if he was going to eat it, because he couldn't just walk around holding an egg. He hesitated a bit. I told him he had to try one bite before I gave him one "to hold". Without so much as a grimace he took a huge bite out of one end. Y'all, this was a special occasion. I got out my camera, in the middle of dinner, and started calling family members. His daddy thought I was being sarcastic or playing a joke.

He ended up eating the whole thing except for half the yolk. Turns out he's still not too fond of the yellow. I can't say I blame him. I prefer the white as well.

When Zachary was a toddler he never ate fruit. He only ate dried fruit pieces. And when we were visiting a family friend for a party, he ate a grape. We were around a bunch of people who didn't know us and they must have thought I was an idiot when I was jumping up and down, yelling, "He ate a grape! He ate a grape!" But tonight, everyone in the house shared in my joy that he ate an egg. He even agreed to taste one of his daddy's fried egg sandwiches.

The land of perpetual free internet connection

We recently upgraded to high speed internet (God bless the high speed internet). I called the dial-up company last month to cancel our dial-up and instead of canceling my connection, the they gave me a free month. Okay then. So then I call back this morning since our free internet is up on Friday. And they gave me 2 free months. I like the way they do business!

If I had known about this a few months years ago (and if I were a less honest person) I would have played this game long ago when money was really tight!

Cheetos are a food group, right?

You know it's time for a trip to the grocery store when the kids eat Koala Crisp (kind of like cocoa pebbles, but gluten free) and cheetos for dinner.

And then the next day they have tater tots and bananas for breakfast.

And the next day they have mashed potatoes and yogurt for breakfast.

Funny thing is...I still haven't gone to the grocery store except to get milk...and the aforementioned bananas and yogurt. I can't imagine what they would have eaten if I hadn't gotten those!

(I have to add that the reason I didn't do actual grocery shopping when I picked up the milk, bananas and yogurt was because I refuse to do real shopping at the grocery here in our town....$100 worth of groceries at any other store would be about $150-$175, so I only do pick up things we need immediately from that store.)

Is this normal?

For me, part of being a mom is needing validation that I'm not alone--that other moms deal with the same things or that other kids have the same issues. I used to be a part of an online forum where I could get that kind of validation, but I don't visit that forum anymore. So here I list things about my kids that make me think "Is that normal?" Some of them I know are normal (or I know they're not) but they're just fun/cute/weird and maybe worth sharing. Feel free to tell me your kids do the same thing or the things that you wonder about. Whatever you do, don't tell me my kids aren't normal. I'll start with Marc-Adam, because he seems to be less weird...probably just because of his lack of years.

Marc-Adam

• repeatedly throws his head back and then brings it forward again just as quickly...as if he's in violent agreement with you
• loves to be held upside down and throws himself back if you hold him upside down once while holding him...he's only 9 months old
• loves to suck on the dry erase board eraser (ewwww!)
  

Zachary

• insisted on buying a pair of glasses that look like they might be a cheap knock-off of a pair in Elton John's wardrobe--he then proceeds to wear them upside down because he's ears aren't stiff enough to hold them up
  
• when you tell him to close his mouth, he opens his eyes wide and lifts his eyebrows half way up his head...he also makes this face when you ask for a kiss...we've now begun to call this look "Zachary's scary eyes"
• has developed a Peewee Herman laugh
• randomly throughout the day insists on a change of clothes, simply because he doesn't want to wear what he has on anymore
  

Stephen

• LOVES watching (and participating with) Sit and Be Fit
• gets totally freaked out by the videos of people losing teeth or their dentures on America's Funniest Home Videos
• holds his ears when he's scared
• will turn up the TV/computer/music until it's the only thing everyone else in the house can hear
• regardless of how many times I've corrected him, he leaves the toilet seat down to tee-tee and puts it up to sit down for his other business

Well, after putting this list together, I'm pretty sure I have my answer....my kids might be a little on the weird side. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Poking a little fun, cause I know she can take it

Here's a funny little story I've been meaning to blog about for a while, to poke a little bit of fun at my mom. It's too funny not to share and she has a great sense of humor.

Mom took me to Whole Foods a few weeks ago to help me get stocked up on gluten-free fare for little Zachary. As we were checking out, the cashier offered a piece of ($4) chocolate that they had on their impulse rack. He told me what was in it, and I politely declined....my mom however said, "Sure! I'll try a piece!" I said, "Really??" And I repeated what it was again. She said "Sure, why not?"

I thought Mom was being awful brave and really was stepping out of that box I'm always telling her to get out of.

So we finished checking out and paying and loading up and I noticed Mom started donning a sour face. She tried to keep her composure, all the while looking like she just ate a bug. As we were walking out, she said, "I need something to drink! That wasn't like any other coconut cream I've had!"

I finally realize, through hysterical laughter, that there's been a bit of a misunderstanding...and I really can't wait to tell her...

"Mom, he said coconut CURRY, not coconut cream!!"

She got a horrified look on her face, "Whoever thought of putting CURRY in CHOCOLATE?!"

I'm still laughing about it....love you, Mom.

Creepiness

The creepiest feeling in the world: stepping, barefoot, on a grape on the kitchen floor.

The creepiest sound in the world: a baby, who has only 3 teeth, learning to grind his single top tooth and one of his bottom 2 teeth.

shudder.



*Stay tuned early next week to catch a glimpse of our home makeover!*

On the road to recovery

Most of us are starting to feel much better now. I was feeling purty crummy for a while there. I'm reluctant to take much in the way of medicine, but there were a few times I just broke down and took a Sudafed. I was so miserable.

The boys are at about 90% now. They're still coughing, but not as bad as the beginning of the week. And they're back in their usual moods.

Poor baby Marc-Adam, though. He just can't kick this. He's had a fever since Monday (that I know of) that the Tylenol just isn't really helping. He had a temp of 102 this morning. I took him to the doctor Tuesday (who was a fill in for our regular pedi and who poked in Marc-Adam's ear with--I swear--a metal stick) who said it could be roseola. Hmmmm, maybe, but from what I've read roseola comes a fever of 103-105 and this morning was the highest it's been. Plus roseola also comes with decreased appetite. But he's been eating like a madman the last several days. Around the clock. And he's been really sleepy. We should find out if it's roseola when the rash shows up. We have an appt I made a few weeks ago with our regular doctor for a well-check tomorrow. I'm so glad.

About this fill-in doctor (I keep calling him the substitute doctor, but I hate that name because it sounds to me like someone who got his MD in a weekend crash course or something). Marc-Adam seemed to like him at first. He was an older gentleman who wore a beat-up Mickey Mouse watch and made cute whistly noises. I thought, "I think I like him...". Then out came the metal poking device. I was wondering what in the world he thought he was going to do with it and then he proceeded to dig around in Marc-Adam's ear with it. And when Marc-Adam started to scream, the doctor said, "Sometimes the tissue in the ear can be sensitive." Well, excuse me, sir, but I think any tissue is sensitive when you poke and dig at it with a metal stick. And then while he's holding Marc-Adam's head to the side to dig in his ear, the ears on his old Mickey watch were poking Marc-Adam in the eye. I had to move his hand several times. I asked if he could do that while I held him and he said no. I wanted to say, "But Dr Clarke lets me."

And after he examined his ears for forever he finally said, "Well, they look healthy." Well, they were before the poking device.

We won't be seeing the fill-in doctor again.

They've added humiliation to their inventory

While visiting my friendly, neighborhood Wally World yesterday, I decided to try on a dress that I had been eyeing for a few weeks. I would like to have a new dress for Easter and this would have been a good one. So while Sweet Hubby took the boys to go look at boy things, I grabbed the last one of my size and made my way to the dressing room.

The dress zips up the side and the front is very similar to the back. I thought I had it all figured out, and I put it on and zipped it up. But something wasn't right. It just looked funny on me. That's when I realized that I'd put in on backwards. Silly me, I thought and I went to unzip it. But the zipper was stuck. STUCK.

So there I am, in the Wally World dressing room with a dress on backwards like my 4 year old dressed me and it ain't coming off. And my only hope at being able to keep my dignity and getting the dress off is on the other side of the store looking at Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles toys with my children. I was afraid I was going to have to rip the zipper or gnaw the thing off like a wild animal. But then my conscience would make me pay for the dress, and then I'd be stuck with a dress I can't wear and not enough money left over to buy a new one. Before panicking, though, I gave the zipper one more good tug. It finally came free. I turned the dress around, already convinced that I wasn't buying it because of the potential humiliation it almost gave me. Which was okay, because it looked just as weird with the front where it actually belonged.

Does your baby have wrinkles or unsightly blemishes?

I accidentally got some of my concealer in my eye the other day. So I looked at the side of the tube to see what it said about that. It said, "Avoid direct contact with the eye." Well. That was helpful.

But then another little tip caught my eye (no pun intended):

"Do not use on infants."

Well, shoot....I guess Marc-Adam will have to wait a few more years to cover up his signs of aging.