Thursday, August 21, 2008

Finding my place to be happy

For the last few years I've been struggling with the question, "Am I doing enough?" in regards to serving our church and serving God, more specifically. I've felt restless and useless and incapable of doing more than I was already doing. At church, I joined things and volunteered for things and none of it felt right or the opportunities fell through or I just couldn't make it work, no matter how badly I wanted to do it. I prayed and prayed about where I was supposed to be serving God. I sing in the choir and that's working great for right now, but it has just not felt like it was enough. I wanted to be more involved in church....I've been getting so much out of it and I was feeling the need to give back. I wanted to get more involved in community outreach projects. I was asking God where he needed me and what I should be doing, but nothing ever happened. Like I said, as I tried to find more places to plug in and get involved, things just didn't work out.

And then one morning, I woke up and it occurred to me: As Christians, we don't just serve God through our church or community. We can also serve God by serving those that he places in our lives. Duh. I have this man whom I love for my husband and these children I adore as my sons and what blessings they are! I can see how they are exactly the right people for me to be surrounded by. It's taken me longer than I'd like to admit to see it, but I finally realize that for this season in my life I can serve God simply by loving and blessing and serving within my own four walls. God has blessed me with this beautiful family and I can give back to him by loving and supporting my husband and by nurturing, guiding and teaching my children. He loves them just as much as he loves the people in my church that I wanted to serve and just as much as the people in the community that I wanted to reach out to. And I can be a blessing by letting most of my focus go to my family. I can finally tell myself, IT'S OKAY. And I can finally be happy with that.

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