Friday, March 21, 2008

Anyone have a magic wand?

Y'all, I wish I had some happy ending update and that I could stop posting about our issues with Stephen. And I don't want to sound like I'm whining or complaining, because that's not it. It's just that it's still hard and I'm worried. I seriously didn't think I would have to deal with stuff like this until he was 10 or 16 or something. The attitude. I almost have to make sure I set a place at the table for it. And give it a bath. Because it has taken over my sweet little child.

Things had been going so well for such a long time. I honestly thought that I had it easy with Stephen. I thought that since he was so well behaved and sweet that if I stayed consistent with him, the road from here to puberty would be smooth sailing. I have become those mothers I've judged for so long. You know, the mothers in the grocery store whose child slaps them and the mother does nothing? Well, if he hit me in the store, I would do something, but it would probably be just firmly telling him no hitting and then leaving. Because beyond that, I have no idea what to do. I have no idea how to handle the attitude, the arguing, the whining, the doubting, the heavy sighing, the eye rolling....etc, etc. It goes on all. day. long. If I came down on him and corrected every single thing that I don't allow him to do, I would correcting him every minute of every day. Even when I try to start us on an activity that I know he enjoys, if he doesn't get to be the boss/be first/call the shots/get the best or biggest, then things fall apart and things get ugly. I just don't know what to do.

I've been in a state of almost constant prayer. And survival mode. One foot in front of the other kind of thing. I feel like I've lost his respect somehow. He seems to doubt and question every thing I say or do. Which is putting HUGE doubts in my head about homeschooling and makes me worry about what I tell him about God. Because it's like he doesn't want to believe anything I say. And that is breaking my heart.


K in the Mirror said...

I think that's one of the big selling points FOR homeschooling. I went through this with G a few months ago and I seriously considered ditching the idea and handing her off to the schools this fall so I could get a break from her.

But even when you don't know what to do and you're not sure if you're doing it right, nobody is going to love Stephen and have his best interests at heart the way you do. Sending him off to play with 20 kids with the same attitude he's showing isn't going to improve the situation. Prayer and survival mode are great things. You'll get through it, and so will he, and he'll grow up to be a happy and productive member of society who thanks his mom for keeping him in boundaries. :)

It's a hard road getting there though.

KatieBug said...

I have become one of those mothers I've judged for so long, too! When you have a sweet baby who just sits in the buggy and eats cheerios while you shop it is easy to look at the mother with the screaming flailing preschooler and say "No child of MINE would ever act that way!" Now when the boys are running up the aisles, pretending to shoot each other with lazers and begging for more transformers I want to hand them off to the mother with the cheerio eating baby.But SHE will never have children who act like THAT!

Just know that you are NOT alone and that no child or mother is perfect. You are doing a great job with your boys and God gave them to you for a purpose.

I know it REALLY sucks right now but it will pass and you will both be stronger when it has.
Love you!

Kim Whitton said...

Well, I have no advice for you. But I am in the same boat with Emma so I can sympathize! Over the past few weeks she has morphed into this horribly difficult child. The dress she picked out 2 minutes ago has suddenly become too short, the bathtub is scary, her sisters can't look at her because she knows they are going to hit her and it goes on and on and on and on! Now she does bounce back momentarily and want to love on me (and sometimes them), but the next time I tell her to do's all over.
So all I can say is it will end, hopefully...right? :) Keep praying and you WILL survive the phase!

chewymama said...

ive been out of the loop with no computer but I had to come check on you.....I SO feel the same way. this week I am waving my white flag. His energy (and mouth) just outlasts mine most days....its so hard. But being "in a state of almost constant prayer" is so awesome - sometimes thats why these challenges come, to draw us near to Him. Love ya, hang in there!~