Wednesday, May 06, 2009

To my daughter, on the day before your birth

There was a time when I would have laughed at the prospect of ever having a daughter. It seemed to me that I was born to be the mommy of all boys...being the mother to your brothers has changed me to my core and I couldn't ever imagine being anything different than what I was for them. The love and bond I have with each of your brothers runs so deep and I couldn't imagine what it would be like to love a child that was not my son.

But then came you.

And my heart began to leap at the ideas of bows and baby dolls and sweet little dresses. My soul aches for the kind of relationship that a mother can only have with her daughter. Our home seems to long for the girliness and softness you will bring when you arrive.

I'm not quite sure what to expect from you and how the dynamic of our family will change. I'm sure that in the beginning, life will be much the same as it was when your brothers were newborns. But as you grow, I can't wait to see how our relationship develops and how you change your brothers and daddy. They are all already so in love with you that not a day (an hour sometimes!) goes by without all 4 of them reaching over to feel you move, or talking to you in sweet voices or exclaiming how much they can't wait. Stephen declares his love hourly and tells me how sweet you will be and tells everyone that will listen that he is the most excited. Zachary told me yesterday that he's going to dance when you are born--complete with "jazz hands". Marc-Adam gets a sweet little smile on his face every time we mention your name, and he tells me he will hold you and kiss you on your head. And your Daddy? Well, let's just say that it won't take much for you to get that pony if that's something you ever desire. He's already wrapped around your little finger...he bought you your first outfit and shoes and his whole face changes when he talks about you. And I think your daddy is already your often calm at the sound of his voice. Your brothers used to roll around within my belly when Daddy talked to them. But you get still as if you are listening intently.

I look forward to our quiet moments together, although they might be few and short. But I can't wait to learn all about you. I want to smell your head and feel your breath against my neck. I want to play with your fingers and marvel at your little tiny fingernails. I want to watch you grow and learn and thrive. I can't wait to see what plans God has for you and how you choose to live them out. I can't wait to see how you fit into our family....however it is, whatever you bring, you are the missing puzzle piece in our lives.

My dear Genevieve, you are so loved and so cherished and our family is already immensely blessed from your existence within me. And tomorrow, as we celebrate you and your birth and finally meet you face to face, I hope you can feel that love....I hope you've felt it all along. You're coming in to a family with so much love already, that I think you must have some kind of understanding of it. You and your brothers are a dream come true for your daddy and I. I hope that with our love and guidance, we can help you make your dreams come true, as well.

I love you, Baby Girl. I can't wait to meet you.


chewymama said...

i could barely read this without breaking down. beautiful!

its going to be better than you can imagine!

Candice said...

Me, too. That was beautiful, Alli. And I think it touches me b/c I'm pg with my own little girl after two boys.

Jana said...

You've got me tearing up! Congrats on your baby girl....can't wait to hear all about her. I'll be thinking about you tomorrow.....

Jaime said...

good luck tomorrow!! more early congratulations from me too. :)

Anonymous said...

My goodness girl! You certainly know how to make a mom of a daughter cry! I loved reading this message and it's so much of what I felt just before having Gabriella! I'll be praying for you tomorrow! Love,

Mommy Daisy said...

That is so sweet Alli. Be sure to put this letter in her baby album. I'm sure she will be the perfect addition to your family.