Monday, January 01, 2007

Ringin' in the new year with a crash

I had hoped my first post of the New Year would be a reflection on the past year, and my hopes for the coming year. Bits and pieces of what I wanted to blog about have been floating in my head for days. I was looking forward to the start of the new year. I love the feeling a "new year" brings. I always loved the beginning of the school year when I was a kid. A clean slate. New teachers, new people to meet, new school supplies. A whole world of potential. Now as a "grown-up" I feel that way about the new year.

But lemme tell you how it started.

Last night, we spent the evening with my folks. We had a wonderful dinner, played fun games and ate an awesome dessert. We didn't make it to midnight (except for my dad who decided to go party with the neighbors after we all fell asleep), but I'm okay with that. We got up this morning and it was just as mornings should be...especially the first one of the year. Again we ate great food (a common theme in our family gatherings) one point, I thought, "This is exactly how life should always be....all of us gathered around the kitchen, chatting, parents loving on my babies, my babies doing silly things to make me laugh, my Sweet Hubby smiling at me from across the table...." It was like something out of movie. We left there to go visit my in-laws. Again, it was a great time with them. It was a beautiful day and while the boys played outside, I sat and read. Later on, my mother-in-law asked if we all wanted to go Walmart, so the boys and I loaded up with her and we headed to town. She suggested slushies from Sonic after Walmart and the boys were all over that idea. After the errand at Walmart, we headed over to Sonic. And we almost made it there....almost.

After pulling through the intersection of the corner that Sonic is on, a woman in another van hit us. Hard. My mother-in-law banged her head on the seat belt adjuster thingy. The kids were fine, but Marc-Adam scared me by immediately falling asleep after it happened. And I did something that I'm so very ashamed of. After making sure the kids were okay (but before checking that my mother-in-law was okay) I hauled out of my van over to the woman in the other van and called her an ugly name and hollered at her that I had babies in my car.

I can't believe I did that. I can't believe I actually cussed at this stranger, who, although was slightly stupid for a second, had no idea that I had kids in my car and certainly had no intention of hurting me, my mother-in-law or my children. Who was I for that second?

I've spent the evening immersed in all different emotions, including guilt and shame. I seriously can not believe I behaved that way. I'd hate to try to explain what I was feeling at that moment for fear that it might sound like justification for my behavior. But I was mad. M-A-D MAD that someone could be so stupid and put my kids at risk. I was so scared for those few split seconds between the time of the crash and the time I knew that the kids were okay, and then I was just mad. And I feel so guilty for not checking on my husband's mother. She ended up calling 911 while I was hollering at the lady. My mother-in-law was bleeding from the head while I cussed at a stranger.


But it certainly has put things in perspective. Stephen, immediately after the accident, was still asking about his slushie from Sonic. Zachary was asking for his lovie. They are fine. Perfect. Beautiful. Absolutely healthy and safe and unharmed. Just a little bit after the accident, I was able to sit down and feed Marc-Adam. Things could have been so different.

So, I don't have a van for a few days. It leaked radiator fluid all over the intersection and the whole front-end is going to have to be redone and realigned. But the start of our new year is great. I'm sitting here blogging while all 3 of my sweet children sleep peacefully across the hall. My mother-in-law, while banged up and sore, is on her way home right now from the hospital. She's gonna be fine. The day and year started off with all the people I love most. And if I can get over who that person was that took over my body for a few seconds, I think I'll look past this accident soon. Or maybe certainly has made me remember what's really important.

May God keep you and your loved ones healthy and safe as we enter another year.

And I'll be adding that post about my goals for the new year soon.


Kelli in the Mirror said...

I don't think anyone would begrudge you a minute of acting like a mama tiger. Accidents are scary things. And everyone's okay now. :) Glad to hear it!

LaughterThoughts said...

we can become very "different" people when it comes to protecting our babies (i've asked myself (about myself!), where did she come from???)... and i think we've all had our temporary lapses in sanity and wise judgment... i know i've got some stories of my own. :) what's important today, though, isn't so much what happened yesterday but where your heart is now.

i am glad to hear that everyone is okay. isn't it great that kids are so resilient?

Adventures In Babywearing said...

I am so glad you are all ok. Sometimes there is no explaining why we react the way we react. You were just the Mother Bear protecting her cubs. I think that the person who hit you would understand that if she were a mother herself, and would also know that it was nothing against her, but the situation itself.

Don't let it replay over & over and focus on the NOW- that your babies are safe & sound (easier said than done, I know!)

Robin said...

Scary, I know...

I was 5 months pregnant with Carter when I got rear ended. I was sitting still and the guy that hit me was going 50mph. Thank God for my SUV, he was in a small car.

I'm glad your all okay.