Saturday, August 19, 2006

Are my hormones thinking for me??

Maybe someone can give me some perspective on this.

I, generally, have never cared what people thought of me. If I did, I wouldn't have made half the decisions I made for myself or my children. But for some reason, this situation has really been bothering me tonight...and I've been stewing over it ever since I heard about it.

A little background--I was in choir all through high school and my director was probably the one teacher who made an impact on me. I had her for 4 years and at one point for my senior year, I had her for 3 classes.

I also got engaged to Sweet Hubby my senior year. I know, I know...I was young, barely 18, but I've always been more mature and when you know, you know, right? At one point, my choir teacher pulled me to the side and said "I want you to prove everyone wrong and go to college." First, who's everyone? and second, why do I care to prove them wrong....unless they care to pay my bills...but I digress...

Fast forward to today. I haven't seen her in nearly six years (none of which I spent in college). I threw a party for my best friend and her new baby...a sort of "Baby Debut" because we couldn't throw her a shower and this was probably going to be the only chance for this set of people to see her and her new baby for a while. The choir teacher was invited (Best Friend had Choir Teacher, too, and they were fairly close). It was great to see Choir Teacher again....I got to introduce her to the Sweet Boys and share with her the great news of the next Sweet Boy.

Later in the afternoon, Sweet Hubby had/overheard this conversation between Choir Teacher and Best Friend's mom:

BF's Mom: Alli and "Sweet Hubby" are living in (insert name of our very small town here)....I don't even think they have a theater there.
Sweet Hubby: No, we have a theater, it just has one screen, though.
(BF's Mom and Choir Teacher walk away)
Choir Teacher: They must have a drive-in.

I know it doesn't sound like much, but does anyone else get the insinuation? I'm guessing it's because I'm getting ready to have 3 kids under 4.

I've been simmering and stewing over this ever since he told me about it. Here are two women I really respect and they're talking about me like I'm some white trash slut who doesn't know what causes babies and that I got myself knocked up in the back seat of a car at a drive-in movie. Am I reading too much in to this?? Am I being too sensitive? WHY do I care what they think? I know Choir Teacher doesn't think I've amounted to much because I didn't go out there and get a degree and a career, but so what? Frankly, I feel like my time and energy have been better invested in my children. I'm passionate about staying at home with them and while a college education couldn't have hurt (and might possibly have even helped) in raising them, I don't feel like I've missed out on much except some school loan debt. College isn't for everyone. And I can see how college was just not in God's plan for me....not yet, at least.

Chances are it could be at least another 6 years before I see this woman again. So, WHY do I care? I haven't been able to let this go and that fact just irritates me more than the comments. Would anyone else be bothered by this? Am I being hormonal? Am I not just as good as my college-educated, working mom counterpart?? I KNOW that my place is at home with my kids. I can't imagine having to go to work every morning and leaving my precious babies in the hands of another person. So why does this bother me??

*sigh* Any comments would be welcome. I just need some perspective on this and the most I can get out of Sweet Hubby (who feels really bad for telling me) is "You shouldn't let it bother you." Thanks, hon.


ksl said...

I Know EXACTLY how you feel. As you know I also have 3 under 4 and people can be really rude. The comments like "Don't you know how that happens?", and "You should put a TV in your bedroom" are never welcome. Of course I know how it happens! It happened 3 times. And we do have a TV , but it only gets the porn channel. :)

Right before I had each of my kids I cried because I didn't go to college and I felt I wasn't as smart as people who did, and that they would think less of me because of it. But they don't teach how to be a good wife and mother at school and there is not a class anywhere that gives you the passion you need to be a stay at home mom. I know plenty of stupid people who have a degree and I would not switch places with my childless peers
for anything. While you and I were nursing our sweet babies at 3 am they were probably doing keg stands at some party. This society is so selfish that it has given us the idea that we should never give up anything for anyone.

I don't know about you, but my public school education was not what it should have been, and I have learned more on my own without college than I ever did in high school. That is a big part of the reason we have decided to homeschool. And... without a degree GASP!!! You can find anything you ever want to know in books and on the internet. A higher education is about learning and trying to better yourself, not about a piece of paper you may never use and a bunch of debt.

beth said...

Unfortunately, I don't think you are reading too much in to it. It was a horribliy obnoxious thing for her to say and I would have ben equally upset as you. Some people just have very different ideas about what success means. Perhaps because she was your teacher at school she is prone to want you to have some sort of working world success because she could take some credit for that or something. Maybe I'm reaching here. But maybe her comment had more to do with her than you, and that's why you should let it go and try (I know it's so hard) to not let it bother you. She's the one who is a person who would talk about her past students at a party.

Adventures In Babywearing said...

Oh man. I am not sure what to read into that and probably would be doing the exact same thing YOU are doing! Sticks and stones, blah blah blah is a bunch of hooey! Of course words hurt!! I would just TRY to not let it bother you anymore- not allowing yourself to go 'to their level of immaturity and tact.'

LaughterThoughts said...

I understand how comments can be so frustrating. I've learned to brush it off, turn my back and roll my eyes... How many times am I going to hear from some random person, "Well, haven't you figured out why you're having all these babies? Maybe it's time for a facts-of-life lesson." I've finally started saying that I do know why and that's why I keep having them. But really, don't let it eat at you. I know that's easier said than done, but don't let the insensitive comments of someone else (whose opinions truly don't matter!) tear you down. You are where you are today because that's where you wanted to be... and that's what's important.

We know quite a few large families- we just met one with 10 kids from baby to about 16... even the dad of that big family was surprised when he heard about our five... definitely not because we have 5 but because the oldest is 6. But his surprise wasn't condescending at all. He just smiled and said that by the time we were his age, we could have 15. I smiled and said, "all right!"

Alli said...

THanks ladies....I REALLY appreciate your thoughts. I'm feeling a lot better about it after reading what you had to say, thinking on it and talking to my best friend (which I hadn't intended to do)...and a good night's sleep didn't hurt, either. I'm mostly over it (if we're being honest). I just respect ol' teach' a little less. I think she's just a different generation and has her own ideas of the way the world should work. Thanks again!

k said...

So glad you are feeling better today. I posted a comment yesterday, but it must have gotten lost in cyberspace.
Bottom line--Jeremiah 10 says "the customs of the people are worthless". 50 years ago, the majority of young women made the same life choice you and ksl have made. Now society has changed its mind and people look down their noses at young, big families. And people will change their worthless minds again. But the Word of God doesn't change. It says a virtuous wife is worth far more than rubies. So God is pleased with your choice. And your whole family is very proud of you.

Kelli in the Mirror said...

I didn't get it!! I was trying to figure out what a drive-in had to do with anything. Then I kept reading and had the a-ha moment. :)

Um, and I went to college. I still didn't get it.

You're doing good, babe.