Brotherly Love

As we were starting our day, Zachary asked what was for dinner (no, we hadn't even eaten breakfast yet and yes, they do ask about food 2 0r 3 meals in advance). I told him I didn't know yet, I couldn't remember what was on the menu.

Stephen was quiet for a few seconds and then quietly said, "You."

A few seconds later as he realized what he just stumbled upon, he told Zachary again, a little louder, "Zachary, we're gonna eat you for dinner." Big grin shot my way. I tried to stifle my giggle.

Zachary blew him off at first, but the more Stephen said it, the more serious he sounded and the more worried Zachary looked. I was just going to let it fizzle out on it's own, but it was obvious Stephen was having too much fun to back down, and Zachary was getting a little frantic. At one point, I think I heard Stephen say that when he was a baby, he had another brother and we ate him. I had to end it there.

But it was funny.

And it sounded like something Sweet Hubby or I would say. Only we would know when to stop.

I wonder when Stephen and/or Zachary will tell Marc-Adam that he was adopted.

Shark tooth

A couple weeks ago, Stephen was eating a rice cake and realized that his tooth was loose. It was the first tooth he ever had. Then about a week later, I noticed that the adult tooth was growing up behind it. I admit, I freaked out a little. I took him to the dentist and all is fine. I called him "Shark Tooth" since he almost had two rows of teeth.

Today, Sweet Hubby had a doctor's appointment and my mom met us at the office to help with the kids. I went back to the exam with Sweet Hubby and when we came out, Stephen came running up "Hi Mom and Dad!" and I immediately noticed that his tooth was gone. I was so sad that we've spent all this time talking about it and wiggling it and it fell out in the 30 minutes I wasn't with him. But he's SO excited.

He's just precious with the tooth gone. The adult tooth will take some time to find it's proper place, so for a while, it will look like there's no tooth there. I just can't help but look at him smile and think that his smile will never be the same. And I remember thinking the exact same thing exactly 5 years ago when that same tooth first popped out. He looks so grown up....and soon more teeth will fall out and adult teeth will come out.

And then he WILL be grown up.

As much as I love the gummy grins of babyhood, I think I'm going to love the gap-toothed grins of childhood.

And it's NOT called an outfit

Earlier this evening, I met Zachary in the hall and realized he had changed into his favorite Buzz Lightyear jammies. I said, "Oh, Zachary! Did you get yourself into your jammies all by yourself?" He said, "No, I'm just playin' dress up."

Not realizing he can hear us, I hear Sweet Hubby say from the other room, "Oh, lord, Zachary, you should have just put your jammies on."

Apparently, Sweet Hubby has a problem with calling that game "dress up".

A peeve and a rant

Can I just tell you one thing that peeves me? And lately, it peeves me more than all the other things put together.

It peeves me when people say they're going to do something, and then they don't do it. OR when they say they're going to do something in a certain timeframe and it happens in a time frame twice or even 3 times as long.

Case in point: I had to have some brake work done on my car yesterday. We took it to the shop where the car-fixer people told us it would be ready by lunch time (this was about 9am). At 4pm, we still had not heard from them. Sweet Hubby was asleep so I had to call them to find out what the deal was because if I didn't have to wake him, I wasn't going to. I finally got a hold of the owner and he said, "Let me find out what's going on and I'll call you right back." He must've said "Right back" three times. 45 minutes later, we still had't heard "right back" and we decide to head up there because they close at 5pm and we'd like to have our car back before they do. Turns out they had just finished (and still hadn't called us). It really shouldn't have surprised me because this is the place that had our car for a full month when I wrecked it a year and a half ago. But you know, I would have been much happier if they had said, "It won't be ready until Friday, we'll call you when it is" and then called us when it was ready earlier. That would've been fine. That would have been great! But it annoys me when someone says they're going to do something and then doesn't. I would be much calmer and happier if people just did what they said they would do. WHATEVER that is.

Another case: The realtor who says he'll be by that afternoon to take pictures of your house and then doesn't show up for 2 days. He then calls and says he'll be there in 45 minutes and doesn't show for 1 hour and 45 minutes. And comes during nap time.

*sigh* There. I feel better. I'm a little cranky.

Summer Boredom Busters

This is a post that's probably best suited for Works for Me Wednesday, but I always remember that it's Wednesday too late. And this is on my mind now....

So it's HOT here. And the goal of everyday for me is to stay inside as much as possible with A/C on. I seriously wilt in the heat....headaches, nausea, weak and shaky feelings. I just can't handle it. So needless to say, we've been in the house a lot the last few weeks and for a while, the kids were getting VERY restless. I realized that once all the games had been played, all the books had been read, all the shows on DVR had been watched and the kids were tired of each other, I needed to come up with something fun, NOW. So here are the a couple of the things we do when nothing else works:

*Sock Wars. This is so fun, y'all. I'm guessing you could just let the kids loose and play by themselves if you have to, but I can't resist a game of Sock Wars with my kids. Gather up as many pairs of balled up socks as you can...kids socks work best and I'd say 10 or so pairs per person is the most fun. Get on opposite ends of the room and just throw the socks at each other, all the while trying not to get hit. Silliness is key, too. I love getting my kids really distracted with something silly and then pelting them when they least expect it....they fall over laughing, they think it's so hilarious. And the good thing about the socks is that there's really no way anyone can get hurt by getting hit...unless they get in the eye unexpectedly, which has happened a few times here, but they quickly get over it. Anyway, we wear ourselves out with this game. And my kids can't believe I'd let them throw things at each other OR make a mess like this.

*Window coloring. Did you know that dry erase markers come off windows easily? I learned that by accident one day when Marc-Adam colored every surface in the play room with a marker (however, dry erase marker does not come off walls or rugs so easily). I use this one as a last resort simply because even though the older two kids understand which surfaces we can color on and which we can't, Marc-Adam does not. But if you don't have little ones around, letting the kids color on the windows is great fun.

*Milk blowing. Ok, this was not originally my idea, and personally, I think it's weird and kinda gross, but my kids LOVE this. Get a plate, a small cup and a straw. Fill the cup about halfway with milk and put the cup on the plate. Let the kids use the straws to blow in to the milk and make bubbles. If they overflow the cup, it'll drip on to the plate, so there's little clean up. Seriously, my kids could do this for half an hour. It's so weird. After a while, the milk gets warm and slobbery and then they want to drink it which really grosses me out, so I try to take it away before they get that idea. But if they do drink some, it's no biggie.

So what kind of boredom busters do you use?

That's some mighty efficient churchin'

So the boys have been attending VBS at a local church this week. Stephen's been calling it "Vocation Bible School". Teaching the kids about the love of Jesus and preparing them for life by teaching them a trade. That is a church with a mission.

**********

He also was telling me about some of the snacks they've been enjoying. Here's the conversation we had about a particular treat called "Stick Together Campfire":

Me: You should tell me all the ingredients so that maybe we can make it together.

Stephen: Well...you need english muffins, cream cheese, pretzels, candy corn and raisins. Oh, and Oreos...you have to have Oreos.

Me: So how do you make it?

Stephen: You put the cream cheese on the muffin, then you stick the pretzel in the middle and stick the candy corn in the pretzel and you put the raisins around the edge.

Me: So what do you do with the Oreos?

Stephen: Oh. You just eat those.

**********

The kids are supposed to be showing off what they learned at VBS during that church's services on Sunday morning. It's not our denomination of church, but the boys are very excited so we're going to visit this weekend. I talked to a church member and deacon today (so I could kinda get an idea of what to expect since I've never been to this denomination of church) and they said they may or may not have childcare for the kids, but that they were welcome to come to worship with me. I just had to smile sweetly at them and thank them for that offer....they obviously have not met my children. The idea of sitting an entire church service--one that we are visiting and are not familiar with--with all of my kids, by myself, makes me want to hide under the pew...and I'm not even there yet. But I want to support my boys on something they are so excited about. They've been practicing their songs all afternoon.

To my "Baby":

My dear sweet child, you must slow down this growing up thing of yours. Your babyhood is going by entirely too quickly for me. I feel like you've turned into this fiery little toddler before I've even had a chance to blink.

I absolutely love the sweet new little sound you make when you give kisses now, but oh I do miss the open mouth slobbery ones. And when I hold you chest to chest in your rocking chair to relax or spend some quiet time with you, your legs are almost too long to sit like that comfortably for more than a few minutes. Your newfound independence is wonderful and it's amazing to watch you venture out in to your world without me, but I wonder what happened to the timid toddler that would cling to me for a while to check things out before inching away to find things on his own. Your vocabulary is growing by the day, and while we always talk correctly with you, there's a big part of me that doesn't want the day to come that you start saying all your words correctly. I enjoy too much the cute little way you have of saying things.

It's interesting and bittersweet to me how I can be so excited and so happy to watch you grow and flourish and thrive in our family and at the same time be so sad to know that the those sweet cuddly moments of babyhood have slipped through my fingers, like time always does. So slow down, Sweet One, so I can take in this moment in your life, right now. Things often get rushed in this crazy life of ours, but I never want to rush you....I never want to wish away this time. Take your time. I'm here and watching and enjoying every minute of you.

Love,
Your mama

Let's play "Who's Going Down First?"

Sibling rivalry.

Humph.

I don't think that term does the actual relationship justice.

It's like "morning sickness". Uh, yeah. Right. Try using that phrase around a woman who has had her head in a toilet around the clock for 5 months.

Sibling rivalry. Sure.

I think the more appropriate term for what's happening in our house is "Sibling Death Match".

Rivalry. Pfffft.

What the heck was that?

Stephen and I are getting ready to take a day trip out of town this afternoon. I'm milling around and getting things packed and he sees the shirt that I'm wearing tomorrow hanging up on a door knob. He tells me, "MAMA!! I love this little dress you have!"

"It's a shirt, honey."

"Oh. Well, isn't it a little small for you?"

"No, it fits. I'll wear those pant with it."

"Hm. Lemme see."

He then proceeds to bring the shirt over and put it up to me, and then looks me up and down.

"It's a pretty shirt."

And then he walks out of the room.

Potty mouth, Part II

Sorry I haven't been around much. We had to move all the furniture out including the computer table (which lives in our room) to paint and for the new carpet. The furniture hasn't been put back yet. I'm at my folks' but here's a little something I had in my drafts from last week.

Sweet Hubby was moving the furniture out of the boys' rooms so that the new carpet could be put in. He was taking the mattresses off the bunk beds when Stephen walked in.

Stephen: Dad, how do you get that damn thing out of there?

SH: What?

Stephen: Nothin'.

SH: What'd you say?

Stephen: I didn't say "damn".

I see him everyday, but I miss him

Sweet Hubby's started this overnight schedule where he works 4 nights in a row and then he's off for 3 days. The days that he works, I just count on not seeing him except for about an hour for dinner. He doesn't get home in the morning until breakfast time, then he goes straight to bed. He wakes up around 5ish, showers and then leaves directly after dinner. Which means for the majority of the week, I wake up and go to bed alone.

The days that he's off are great. We get to spend a lot of family time together and we get a lot done around the house. But it seems like all our time is just covering the basics. Even when we get a chance to actually have an uninterrupted conversation, we just talk necessities, like the finances or schedules or what needs to be done to the house and when.

The last few weekends, the kids have gone to their grandparents. Which leaves me at home alone after Sweet Hubby goes to work at 7pm. That was nice the first weekend and okay the second, but this weekend, it kinda sucked. I've eaten almost an entire pan of brownies since Friday night and I've watched far too many shows about selling houses. My house is clean and the laundry is done, so there's not much to do in that area. Although, I have become obsessed with bringing my scorched yard back to life, so the last few nights I've spent a lot of time outside moving the sprinkler. In my jammies.

I'm kinda lonely. And feeling pathetic. There doesn't seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel. Sweet Hubby's supposed to be working this schedule for 6 months. There's talk that his manager might bring him back to days, but we're not sure about that yet.

I'm gonna go finish off the last brownie.

It's official

There's a sign in our yard and our listing should be on the MLS very very soon.

We're selling our first house!

What a fun guy!

There's this show on Discovery Kids called Grossology. I let my kids watch just about anything on DK except Grossology. I watched half of an episode with the kids once and it was banned. The name says it all. Trust me.

So Stephen was watching a bit of Prehistoric Planet (which is super cool and a new favorite) when a Grossology commercial came on. So he says, "Hey, mom, the next Grossology episode is about basketball and a fun guy. Can I watch it?"

"No."

"But it's about fun guy. Please?"

"What? Sorry. No."

"It's just a fun guy, Mom!"

A light bulb came and I tried to stifle a giggle. "FUNGI! As in mushrooms and such. Not a fun guy! No, you're not watching it."

Evidently, the fun guy that that episode is about is the kind that gives one athlete's foot. Nice.

The randomly randomness of random

The last two days I've been desperately trying to think of something to blog about that doesn't have anything to do with selling the house or the possibility of Sweet Hubby's job change. It's nearly impossible. So I decided to tell you some random things about myself. Aren't you excited?

(On a side note because obviously I can't NOT blog about the house or the job: We don't even have a sign in the yard yet or have a listing agreement signed and someone is coming to look at the house tomorrow. And Sweet Hubby called last night to tell me that his job change probably won't be happening. But I was asleep when he called and I keep feeling like the phone call might have been a dream.)

So. The random things.

*One of my greatest pleasures is eating a bag of peanunt M&Ms and finding one without the peanut. It is the goal of every bag for me.

*Sometimes when the kids aren't around and I'm just watching TV, I'll watch some of their favorite shows if there's nothing else on that interests me.

*I think I'm addicted to change. It occurred to me that we've had some kind of major change every 9 months-a year since we got married 7.5 years ago. We've moved three times (not counting the move to the first apartment), Sweet Hubby's either been promoted or completely changed job 5 times, we've had 3 babies (and I'm counting getting pregnant in my "9 months-a year" statement), we've had 6 different cars, we've repainted something in the house 5 times, and I'm constantly moving furniture around. Every once in a while I start to get itchy for a big change. Even when something good changes, I get excited about it.

*I ate Pringles and half a root beer for dinner the other night.

*I've had to cut back on watching Fox News because all the election talk is starting to make nervous now that we're down to one repub and one dem. I also had a dream where I had a conversation with Hillary Clinton. I decided it was time to turn the channel once in a while.

*I'm realizing now that I'm trying to get the house ready to sell that I must be hopelessly unorganized. If we move, I'm going to try to be so much better about it. I cleaned out Marc-Adam's closet yesterday and was just so irritated with myself.

*I still have clothes in my closet that I wore in high school. Not much because I have cleaned out my wardrobe several times in the last few years, but I still have t-shirts that I wore in high school (and one or two from junior high!) that I still wear.

*I have tan lines across the top of my feet from my flip-flops that I wear all the time.

*I have a hard time remembering my age and all my personal numbers because my brain is so filled up with everyone else's numbers. I hardly use mine anymore.

Don't pay attention to anything I say

So our situation might be changing. Again. Sweet Hubby might be making a change in his job, in which case we might not be moving. Again. There's a lot of "might"s in our life right now. I promise I won't be blogging about anything else until we know what's happening for sure.

All systems go

So after whining and pouting about not getting the numbers we wanted/needed, I decided to call the realtor and tell him what else we were planning to do (paint the exterior, paint the kitchen, etc). I asked him if we could list higher than the number we wanted. He said "sure" and that all the improvements would help. YAY! We're having the carpet people come out Monday to measure the rooms that we're getting the carpet in and that should be put in about 10 days from now. Sweet Hubby painted the master bedroom (that used to be dark purple) and we've got the next week lined up with all sorts of projects. It's a little difficult to plan on the projects since Sweet Hubby works from 8p-8a and sleeps from 9:30ish am-4:30ish pm.

Anyway, all that to say: we're putting our house on the market!

Yay!

Nassomuch

So we finally heard back from the realtor. And the numbers he gave us were about $5000 lower than our lowest allowable number that we decided on. Bah.

So now we either sit tight for a while, or we try to get a second opinion. Although, I'm not sure it'll matter. I'm not sure if "second opinions" are customary in the home selling process. There's really no one else in town we want to use.

Bah.

I'm done now.

Have you ever had a really overwhelming project? Have you ever started said project and then decided you were done with it only halfway through?

Our master bedroom closet was a nightmare. Shameful, really. So, because of this crazy idea that I got that we should sell our house, I decided now would be a good time to clean it out. So I cleaned it out. It's now empty except for the things neatly stacked on shelves and hung on rods. And now I've decided that I want to be done with this project. Except half of the contents of the closet are now strewn about my bedroom in various and random piles. Most of it is laundry that needs to be washed. Oh, and did I mention that our bedroom needs to be cleaned out by some point this afternoon because Sweet Hubby has decided he wants to paint it? Did I also mention that he had 2 wisdom teeth pulled this morning?

We are a bucket-full of crazy. With a little bit of lazy added in.

It's a dangerous combination.

Deep breaths and prayer

We had a realtor out yesterday afternoon. He's supposed to be calling us tomorrow with the figures of what he thinks we can sell it for. Please pray for that. I've now got it in my head that there's no way we can get what we need to be able to walk away with a nice little check to go toward the next down payment. And as much as I know my parents love us, I'm fairly certain that only God himself would want to house my entire family for more than a few months. If we don't get enough equity out of this house it would take us much longer than a few months to save up what we need.

I've really got my heart set on moving out of this little town now. I've started looking at houses and churches and thinking about how much money we'll be saving in gas and how we'll be so much closer to our pediatrician and the hospital that we had the last two babies at. If the realtor doesn't call back with the "magic number", my heart will be broken. I've let myself get entirely too excited at the idea of moving.

So I'm doing lots of deep breathing and praying and remembering that I'm not in control of this.

That's the good news and the bad news.

The almost big news

So obviously I haven't been blogging much. I've had a few things on my mind that I don't really want to blog about just yet. And if I can't blog about those things, then I just can't blog because I'm not really thinking about anything else. But I decided to relax a little and blog about the biggest thing taking up my brain cells right.

We're going to try to sell our house. I've been straightening and cleaning like mad for a few days because I called our realtor (that sounds so hoity-toity, "our" realtor...he's just the guy who sold us this house). He hasn't called us back yet, but I want him to come over and take a look around and tell us what we can do to help this house sell ASAP. Not that we are in a particular hurry, because we aren't, I just don't want to have the house sitting on the market for months and months. We are going to make some cosmetic changes. We're going to recarpet the bedrooms. I think two of the bedrooms have the original carpet. Shag carpet. Dark brown shag carpet. Actually, I love it except that it's brown and shag. I loved having it in the boys' rooms and in the playroom (before we ripped all the carpet up in the living areas) because it's so soft and plush, they almost never get hurt when they fall on it. Our bedroom has some nasty well-loved berber carpet which is reminding us of one particular fit that one of our children threw and also of one particular illness that the same child had. It's in nice shape, y'all. So we're going to replace it all. And then all of the flooring in our house (except for a few closets and the utility room) will have been replaced. We're also going to repaint the kitchen and the exterior of the house. Right now the outside is brick with a nasty yellowish beige and brown trim. We're going to paint the yelllow white and brown black. It should look much nicer. We also have to put a few finishing touches on our last remodel project that never got finishes. And Sweet Hubby will have to fix the ceiling in our room where he accidentally made a nice little entryway for himself via the attic.

The down side to making all these changes is that we don't have the cash to do it right now. Which means we'll have to put it on a credit card. We recently paid off all of our credit card debt, so it's a little painful for us to have to charge again.

We're hoping since we've made all these updates (because the house was firmly set in the 60s when we moved in) that we can get quite a bit of equity out of the house. The plan is that we'll sell the house for as much as we can get and then move in with my folks for a few months while Sweet Hubby is working overnights (he just started that shift this weekend and will be working it for the next 6 months). For those few months we'll be trying to save our money like mad to put a decent down payment on the next house. Which will be in a nicer area with more to do and a bigger homeschool community. It will also have everything we should need within just a few miles. And that will be.so.nice. Because as it is I have to drive at least 20 minutes to do anything. The gas is killing us. Sweet Hubby will actually be a bit closer to work and it will be much more of straight shot for him.

So that's the plan. I'm cautiously excited. I know the housing market stinks. And I know that no one in their right mind should want to move out here. But we have a nice little house with a huge yard and all we need is one person or family to want to buy our house. I can't wait to buy a new house. I've already started looking and there are at least a hundred in the area in which we are currently looking (although, I'm not married to moving to that area).

WFMW~Pill Taking

I always feel weird about doing a Works for Me Wednesday because my tips are always so simple that I think everyone on earth must be doing them and I'm just so silly because I think I figured something out on my own and think that I need to share with the world. When the world already knew. But here goes one anyway, because I think it really could be a big help if people don't already do this.

Some pills are hard to take, right? Either they are really big or they are just plain nasty. When I was pregnant, I had to take an iron pill that was both. But I figured out a way to get it down without having to taste or feel it.

Before you put your pill in your mouth, take a good sized sip of whatever you are washing your pill down with. Then push the pill in your mouth (obviously, your mouth will have to stay closed since it's full of drink and you may have to suck the pill in a little) You have to be careful to not let the pill turn sideways, so it's best to swallow as quickly as possible. That's it. I never taste or feel pills anymore. You might have to try this trick a couple of times before getting it just right, but it's so much easier than the regular way of taking the pill then drinking the water.

Go check out some more great tips at Rocks in My Dryer.

After a dose of Tylenol and a short nap, I was able to haul my rear out of bed to have this conversation with Stephen:

Stephen (to himself): Damn, damn, damn.

Me (calmly, after overhearing him): What'd you say?

Stephen (looking a bit like a deer in the headlights): I was just saying damn. Not like, "Damn, you're stupid" or "Damn, dad did something bad". Just damn. I don't want to get in trouble! I wasn't saying it bad!!

Me (trying not to fall out of my chair laughing and keep myself from crying because it hurts to laugh this hard): Okay. I appreciate that you weren't meaning anything bad, but it's still not an okay word for 5 year olds to say.


I have no idea where that came from.

I'm afraid the conversation won't come across on the blog nearly as funny as I found. But I suppose you just have to know Stephen. For the record, he might have heard the word damn uttered a few times in our house, but never "Damn you're stupid" or "Damn, dad did something bad". Really, it's just damn. And honestly, "stupid" is more of a dirty word in our house than "damn".

A little update on Marc-Adam

In case you were wondering, Marc-Adam's illness and fever went away on Friday almost as quickly as it came on. He had us pretty worried, but he's completely back to normal now.

However, now I'm feeling pretty crummy. I'm pretty sure whatever is going on with me is completely unrelated to M-A's illness and not contagious, but it is keeping me from feeling normal and productive. In fact, it took everything I had just to get out of bed this morning. And now, I'm going to go lay back down while the kids are resting and pray that I can get back up afterward.

The good news and the bad news

Good news~I found my camera!! I just know you've been dying to see pictures of my new-to-me piano and all the tasty peaches we got.

Bad news~I don't when I'll be able to post them (I'm not doing it now because that would require going out to the car and I'm just not gonna) because M-A's got a nasty fever and is stuck like glue to my chest for the majority of his waking hours. We took him to the doctor today and we think he's okay, we just need to keep an eye on this fever and look out for any new symptoms.

You know you've been spending too much time with your kids when....

....you use words like "potty" and "night-night" in conversation with other adults.

Yeah.

How cool!

I use the word "cool" too much. Maybe I should try "neat", "neato", "swell".....maybe not.

ANYWAY, I stumbled upon this website today called, Laptop Lunches. They're neat (haha, I can use that word) reusable lunch boxes with containers that are all BPA, lead and phthalate free (honestly, I don't know what phthalates are, but the lunch boxes are free of it). Obviously, we won't be needing a lunch box for the school lunch, but we do take lots of field trips and have play dates at lunch time. I'm thinking these are perfect for each of the kids. I want some.

Oh, and check out the photo gallery of lunches. It's inspirational, I tell you.

Wow, did I just say that?

Stephen and I were having a "teachable moment" this afternoon and I caught myself saying this:

Stephen, there are times when we're really angry or upset or things seem really bad and we don't feel like praying. Those times when it's hardest to pray are the times when we need to pray the hardest.

I was pretty impressed with myself. That's pretty deep for me.

Did you see this?

Seriously the funniest thing I've seen all week. I was literally laughing out loud and clapping my hands. That kid ended up winning the whole shebang.

To baby or not to baby?

That is the question.

I've really been struggling with this lately. For some reason, I feel like we need to make the decision now, or at least very soon, about whether or not we are going to have more children.

On the one hand, I look at my boys, and they fill up our lives so much. They are busy and boisterous and fun. We've gotten in to quite a routine around here, especially Sweet Hubby and I. It takes us very little time to get out the house and when we are out, we work really well together keeping the kids together and getting everyone taken care of. Marc-Adam will be out of diapers within the year, I think. And soon, it will be easier to get serious about homeschooling--once he gets a little older and is better able to sit and be entertained by whatever activity we are doing. (For the last several months, he's just been whining and screaming and tearing things off the table when we try to do school.) It's hard to imagine getting to that point and then starting all over again with a little one. I also consider my pregnancies. I border on narcolepsy when pregnant. The fatigue is killer. It's gotten worse with each pregnancy, I guess because with each pregnancy, I have more responsibility than I did with the pregnancy before. I also have to deal with gestational diabetes. And the chance of morning sickness. That seems like a lot to think about when these days, I'm lucky to get two meals and a shower in one day. Once in a while, I take a look in the rearview mirror of my van, or around my dining room table, I look at the sweet faces that fill me with so much love and joy and I think, "This is so good....this could be complete."

On the other hand....well, on the other hand is my heart. There are many more days when I think that there's no way our family is complete. I look at the faces of my boys and it's hard for me to imagine what my life was like before them. For a long time after Z was born, Sweet Hubby wasn't sure he wanted a third. Finally we decided that we would have a third child. I look at Marc-Adam and I can't believe what we would have missed out on if we had the decision the other way. I don't want to miss out the next little person, either. I realize that that way of thinking could get us in a situation like this, and while I admire that family, that's not where I think our family is headed. For so long, I thought that we had at least 1 more child in our future, maybe even 2. But the further away we get from babyhood, the more I'm starting to wonder.

Complicating things even more is Sweet Hubby. Usually his head and heart are in agreement. He may have them decided one way for a long time and then change his mind, but he always has it made up one way or the other. But he's feeling the same way as I am. We had a long discussion about it yesterday. We have a lot to consider. And it's not a decision we'll run into lightly. We also realize we're not the only ones making the plans. So, after we talked about it for a while, we decided we were both going to spend some time in prayer about it. It seemed silly that we both were struggling with this decision and not even thinking to pray about it.

I also don't want to let Marc-Adam get too old before we try again. Me still being in my mid-20s, I have plenty of time. But I honestly don't want Marc-Adam to be 4 0r 5 and then start all over again. So I feel like we should be making this decision and doing something about within the next year or so. The original plan was to try for a Spring '09 baby. That thought scares me now. It doesn't scare me as much as it did 3 or 4 months ago, but maybe that's just because M-A is getting a little easier to deal with.

So that's the question. And I just don't know the answer. I want an answer. I don't want to spend the rest of child-bearing years asking that question.

My week-brought to you by the letter P

Peaches~We took the boys to an orchard yesterday to pick peaches (we did this last year as well, I might have blogged about it then). It was so much more fun than last year because we went early in the morning and besides it being cooler, the kids were in much better moods first thing early in the morning. I never really liked peaches until we picked our own last year. I still don't eat them often, but these are really good. Stephen's eaten three today. Marc-Adam even ate one (he had to eat it whole as he refused to eat one when I chopped it up). Zachary tasted one and still doesn't like them. Anyway, we got a large box full. Last year, I made lots of baby food for M-A and froze it. This year, I have no idea what we're going to do with all these peaches. I guess we'll be eating lots of smoothies and maybe fruit salad.

Piano~My piano came yesterday! I'm very excited about it. The kids love it. It sounds much better than I thought it would. However. It is very large. Large. Much larger than I anticipated. It sticks out quite a bit in our living room. Making the rest of my furniture look like doll furniture. I suggested to Sweet Hubby that maybe we could move it to a different part of the living room. He moved it yesterday along with my dad, father-in-law and cousin (THANK YOU GUYS!). After I suggested moving it....well, let's just say that if looks could kill.... I'd at least be in a coma. So it might stay there for a while. Drawing all attention from everything else in the room. Which I guess could be good since my floors are in need of a good clean.

Promotion~I just got a call from Sweet Hubby saying that his manager pulled him to the side earlier to tell him that he (the manager) told HR that Sweet Hubby is promotable now. Which means a promotion may be in our very near future. Please pray about that for us.

Pfamily (I know, let's pretend the P is silent, just roll with it)~ I haven't blogged about our weekend, but we spent it with my cousins and aunt who might be the nicest people, well, ever. I always enjoy spending time with them and I wish we could live closer so that we could do that whenever we want. The kids all get along splendidly together, too. And I love the late-night talks. Can't wait to do it again in a few months. We got some great pictures of all the kids together. Which leads me to my last P....

Pictures~ I seem to have lost my camera so I can't provide proof of the peaches or the piano, but I can show just how cute my kids and "the cousins" (as my boys call them) are.

All our kids (8 of them! Under the age of 6! I daresay this is the best looking group of kids around):


My boys (I love the pictures we got of them):


Pfun, pfun stuff! :)

Ask me why I feel the need to say this

Zachary: (holding up his forefinger to his daddy) Daddy, I have a boogie!

Sweet Hubby: Well, go get some toilet paper to wipe it on.

Me: Take a piece a toilet paper OFF THE ROLL before you wipe it!

VERY interesting

Not quite sure what I think about this. (Scroll down to the very bottom and read the paragraph that says, "Contest open to...." on the bottom right of the page.)

On the one hand, I think they should be allowed to make whatever rules they want for their contest. It's their company, their contest, their prize. We can't just boycott because we don't like they way they've set it all up. We CAN however make a choice to not patronize their restaurant. But we certainly don't need to grab our torches and pitchforks. On the other hand, it's slightly offensive that they are so explicit about their ruling. There's not even an explanation (although, any rational thinking person could probably see why they've excluded homeschoolers, even if it's still not a good explanation).

And by the way, in Texas a homeschool IS a private school. So there. I think some homeschooler should enter and then when they win, they should point to Texas law that says so.

Oh, the chaos. It must end.

So y'all. My house. It is such a mess. And not just now. Always. I just don't know how to make it not be so. It's such a delicate balance between housewife/homemaker and SAHM/homeschooler. Those things, in my mind, are two totally separate jobs. Just because I'm a SAHM does not necessarily mean that I'm also a housewife. But I think that logic might be just my way of justifying the fact that I suck at housewifely duties. The cleaning and the cooking and the decorating and such, it's all so unnatural to me. If it weren't for these three little boys that I love so dearly, surely I would be destined to live a life of total simplicity and have a job which requires NO organizational skills or the ability to make order out of chaos. If I had had some forethought, I would have taken some pictures of my living room before I straightened up this afternoon. I could take some pictures of the rest of the house to show you, but then I'd have to shut down my blog, take my children and move in to hiding because then I could never have contact with or look any of you in the eye ever again.

I suppose I AM making progress. I'm actually getting slightly better in the kitchen. I'm actual starting to enjoy my own cooking and the process of cooking. Even if the rest of my family still doesn't enjoy my meals, at least I do now. And I have meal planning and grocery shopping down to an art. I am proud of that. What's more, I actually enjoy that.

A while back, I also started a Flylady inspired "control journal"/household notebook of sorts. It's still unorganized and things fall out and stick out of it all over the place (oh the high school flashbacks!), but it's all there in one spot, and I do use it several times a week at least.

But everything else is just an unorganized mess. Behind every door and in every cabinet and drawer is evidence that things are getting out of control. I keep thinking that if we just had a little extra spending money I could go to Wal*Mart or (the mother-ship) IKEA to get some Stuff to help get me organized. But really, y'all, I think it's me that's the problem. Not my lack of Stuff. I probably have plenty of shelf space and tote things and storage space to make sense of our home. I just have no idea how to get from Point "No really, we just got hit by a freak indoor tornado" to Point "Yes, we have everything under control and know exactly where a pair of scissors and a flashlight (WITH WORKING BATTERIES) are in case you should need either of those during your visit". I'm a grown-up now. With a family and responsibilities and such. My house should not look like just a larger version of my childhood bedroom (which, by the way, was also a nightmare).

And I won't even get into the actual cleanness of my home. I've tried every kind of routine and schedule you can imagine. I can't make anything stick (I could, however, make a routine stick if I just dropped it underneath the kitchen table....everything else gets stuck to the floor down there). There just doesn't seem to be enough time to do everything that I think should be done. And it's more important to me that I spend a lot of time with my kids than it is for my baseboards to be swept or my windows to be cleaned. I did talk to Sweet Hubby about this and we decided that we would take one day a week when he is off to actually CLEAN the house, not just straighten up. Once we get it relatively clean (considering we have three perpetually clumsy, sticky boys), I don't think it'll take more than a couple of hours one morning a week to get the whole family working to clean the house. So I'm hopeful (and grateful to Hubby that he seemed totally onboard) about that. I do get the boys to help as much as I can now, but they are about as good at the cleaning jobs as I am. So not much happens. But hopefully, with the new plan, I won't have to worry (or feel guilty) about it anymore and I can focus on the dishes, the laundry, the straightening up (all of which the boys help with) and just spending time with the kids and homeschooling.

But in order to start really feeling good about it all, I feel like I have to get the house straight, clean, and organized to start with. I have no idea how that's going to happen. I did get quite a bit done today while the kids were with my ILs, but there's still SO MUCH left to do. It's a tad overwhelming. Actually, it's a lot overwhelming. I want to tackle it and change and be better about the housework and the organization thing. And there are times where I put my mind to it and attempt to be better. But then I feel like I'm forcing myself to be something I'm just not and I always fail. I've prayed about this quite a bit. And I think that's where the small improvements (with the menu-planning and household notebook) have come from. But I still need big improvements.

Like a maid.

I'm not a lazy person. Why is this so hard?

It's MINE!

I WON!!

Tidbits

Just a few tidbits from the last week at the Sweet House.


There was a major haircut last week. I hadn't cut his hair in months. It started to get curly, which fascinated me and it was so cute! It got hard for me to decide to cut it. But I finally did.





He also had a major milestone!


"My very own liberry card!"


Marc-Adam had a milestone of his own in that I had to put up a Pack 'n' Play to use for "time-out". This is what he thought of it.




I should have known.


And my new favorite picture of Zachary.



We've been doing some fun homeschooling stuff this week, too. I'll post details and pictures in a few days.

Also, I don't want to say too much yet, but I've got my eye on something big that I've been wanting for a while. A couple of friends got one of their own, so I decided to start looking for myself. I'm bidding on one on ebay right now. The auction ends tonight and so far, I'm the highest bidder. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE be thinking good thoughts for me. It would be a dream come true to get it and if I win this auction, I'll be getting it for a STEAL!

Oh, my. And ew.

Don't read this if you're squeamish and/or plan to eat eggs in the next decade.

But if you're a fool for weird stuff, like me, then please read on.

Speaking of simple satisfaction....

After I wrote yesterday's post, I had a playdate with another mom. She's super smart and does all kinds of neat things with her kids and she should totally be homeschooling, but she's not (well, not officially right now at least). Anyway, she and I started talking about a unit that I'm getting ready to start with the kids and she suggested that I check out the library near her house. I'd thought about that before, but we don't live in that county and I didn't think we could get a card to a library outside of our own county. Our library is mediocre, at best. It's small and most of the books are older. I can rarely find what I'm looking for if I go in there with something specific in mind. It really had me kind of worried because of the unit study approach we're going to take in homeschooling. I can't afford to buy books all the time and our library just doesn't have much.

So, back to yesterday's conversation....she said she would ask at the library the next time she was there. I decided I couldn't wait that long, so I called them yesterday afternoon and asked if I could get a card. They said yes!! I was so excited that I loaded Stephen up (I was already at my mom's so the younger two stayed with her) and off we went.

Y'all. Talk about simple satisfaction. My library card to that library has made my year. It's HUGE (the library, not the card). Just the children's library is the size of our entire library here at home. We can check out SEVENTY-FIVE books at a time each. And the kids can have a card whenever we see fit! Which means we could have 375 books if we wanted. And, oh the selection! I got several books on our new unit study and still left the majority on the subject on the shelf. They have so many different series of books and rows of early readers. We were there for over an hour and a half and I still didn't get to explore everything I wanted to look at. We can also search their card catalog online and reserve books or transfer books from other libraries in the county.

If you've always had access to a large library, please take time to really appreciate it next time you visit. It really is something special.

Simple Satisfaction

Here's a sort of meme that Shannon started and that my cousin did. I thought it looked fun, so here's a short list of some small, simple things that are very satisfying and that make me happy:

*watching my kids eat ice cream cones or homemade cookies

*sending someone an e-mail and then having them reply immediately (it tickles me to think that that person is sitting at their computer at that very moment, too)

*thin cut, homemade onion rings

*seeing my kids show a small act of kindness to a stranger

*getting the kids to bed on time, crawling in to bed with my favorite marshmallow cookies and watching LOST with Sweet Hubby

*playing hide and seek with all the boys and Sweet Hubby

*the way Marc-Adam pats my back when I pick him up

*the way Marc-Adam says "thank you" ("tin too?")

*reading out of chapter books with the kids at night (I love how they remember what happened in previous chapters/books and how excited they get to see what happens next)

*my pink rubber gloves

*my "Pirates Who Don't Do Anything" ringtone

*the smell and sound of sauteeing onions

*how Z says "chocolate" ("shockwit")

*waking up before anyone else in the house is awake

And it only goes down hill from here.....

You know you have at least two little ones of the boy variety in your home when a good portion of the conversations begin with:

"Hey, you know what would be really gross....?"

Oh, yeah...

I meant to mention in my last post that the other day we went to a small town festival on Saturday. While we were walking around, Stephen saw a sign and then quickly informed me "Hey, mom, there's a horseshoe tournament at 1:30."

He just read "HORSESHOE TOURNAMENT" as quickly as you or I would read it.

He's five.

I don't know if I can keep up with this kid.

Decent sleep=better perspective

So I wanted to update you with what's been going on with Stephen and his sleep issues. Thankfully, most of the behavior issues have resolved (I think I've mentioned that before), even though we still have outbursts every now and then.

The sleep issues have NOT resolved, however, he's not having the outbursts at night anymore.

As I mentioned previously, after they broke the air mattress (and for the helpful commenter telling me where I could get a new one, I DON'T need a new one but thanks for the "help") I started sleeping with Zachary. That got old fairly quickly and then it suddenly occurred to me, "Hey! HE'S the one that needs to be in the same room with me. Why should I be the one to be uncomfortable trying to make that happen?" So I made him a little pallet in our room (from the day of his birth I've been adamant against sharing my room with a child, but I had to surrender a little) and told him that if he woke and felt the need to wake me up to go into his room, then he would just have to lay on our floor, because I would not be sleeping in his room. He wasn't too keen on the idea and told me that he was going to hit me with his pillow. Nice. And true to his word, I woke at 5:30am (that's the latest he's ever slept without waking since all this started) to a slap in the stomach with a pillow. I convinced him somehow to go back to bed for a few more hours, and he did. He got a lot of praise, a new movie, and a piece of candy AND a breakfast date with his Grammy the next morning. Obviously though, all that didn't matter because he hasn't done that again since. But he has been using the pallet, has even said it was comfy, and I've finally convinced him to not wake me up when he comes in (he still does wake me up, but he tries not to). So I've been sleeping in my bed!! YAY! And then I had a playdate with a mom that I really really like and she told me that all three of her boys sleep in her room (and she's pregnant! go figure!). That made me feel better about our little arrangement. I'm hoping that eventually, he'll just quit getting up and coming in our room.

And on an ego-stroking note, the other night, I was praying with the kids before bed. I said something that I say a lot in my prayers: "Help me be the best mommy I can be for them." I finished up the prayer, we all said amen and Stephen crawled up in my lap. He said, "Mommy, you don't have to pray to be the best mommy. You already are."

*sigh* Have I mentioned he's my favorite?

I'm kidding!! Totally kidding.

But it was the best thing anyone's said to me in a long time and he was totally my favorite in that moment. He was completely sincere and it's fascinating to me that I can be so crabby at times, yell at times, fall short and make him mad and he still thinks that I'm the best. He knows I'm not perfect. And he's taught me that being the best and being perfect are two separate things. I can be my best by doing the best I can with what I have and by continually striving to be better. But I'll never be perfect. And that's okay. Heck, that's freakin' GREAT! How boring must perfect be?

Time for a break

I haven't been around much on this little blog o' mine. I think I need a little bloggy break. I'm feeling a bit out of sorts in my "real life", and I'm afraid that if I continue attempting to post on a regular basis that my blog will become a whine-fest or just a big ol' downer. And that's not what I'm here for. Heck, that's not what you're here for. So I'm going to take a break for a little while. I'm sure I'll be posting when something cute or funny happens, but if I tell myself that I'm on a break, then that takes the pressure off to blog regularly. And I'll definitely be keeping up with your blogs and trying to comment to let you know I'm still around.

Love all around.

You know you are a tired mother of 3 young kids when....

...the oldest child tells you that the youngest child has somehow gained possession of the bag of Goldfish crackers and is eating out of it and you don't go find him to take it away from him before he dumps the whole thing. Instead, you just blog about it.

Move along, nothin' to see here

I don't really have a purpose to this post. But I feel like I should post.

So the kids and I have been sick the last few days. We originally thought that kids were sick due to something they ate, but then concluded (after we thought the worst was over and that it was something ate and took them to church) that it might be a bug because I started throwing up and we hadn't eaten the same food since Friday morning. Now I worry that we not only infected the t-ball team, but also three different Sunday school classes, the church choir AND the praise and worship band. Because there is no limit to our friends or our germs.

I'm going to take back all the stuff we bought for Stephen to bribe motivate him to sleep in his room without me being there. He cries about not getting the stuff in the morning, but doesn't care about it at night. And I've had enough of sleeping in bed with Zachary. So I'm taking the stuff back to get a new mattress, and to get poor Zachary a mattress pad. I've been meaning to get him one since he moved to that bed at Christmas, and am only now just realizing how uncomfortable that mattress is. So Mama's getting baby a mattress pad so he can be more comfy.

That's it. See? I really don't have anything to post about.

Wha...??

Zachary burped quite loudly at lunch yesterday. Stephen said, "Zachary, you can control burps! And toots."

Zachary said, "And beavers?"


Um.....sure?

Y'all, I'm just. tired.

I'm so frustrated and tired and....I don't know what else. I feel like I'm at the brink of cracking. The last few days I've just felt like I don't know if I can do this for one more second.

We're back to having problems with Stephen. We've had a really hard week, and beyond the frustration of his behavior, I feel like it's putting a strain on our relationship because I don't really like him right now. And I'm sure he doesn't like me because I've lost my cool more than a few times this week. I'm not handling this round of negative behavior as well as the first round. So on top of everything else that I'm feeling, add guilt. Because I feel like I'm wasting time being so frustrated and angry with him. But I certainly can't feel or act like everything's roses, because it's not. Everytime we "fight", it's like I've put a chink in our relationship, in his trust for me, in his ability to be a normal, loving, well-adjusted human being. I can't handle the feeling that everything I do is going to affect who he is and what he does for the rest of his life. Does anyone understand?

And, y'all. I just want to be able to put the children to bed for the night, and crawl in to my bed and sleep all night. But that hasn't happened in over a month and a half. And now they've broken the air mattress I sleep on. Two nights ago, I slept on the air mattress anyway, and by the time I woke up at some point in the night, I was also sleeping on the floor. Lemme tell you how fun that was.

I sit here in tears because I just love that child so much and I hate what's happening. I hate that I don't like him. I hate that so much of my energy goes into disciplining and coaxing and, I have to admit, yelling. I hate that I see that reflected in how he handles everything else....the anger.

I just want things to go back to normal. I don't know how to get there.

I took Stephen to the store yesterday to let him pick out several toys/movies to use as motivation for him to stay in his room while I slept in mine. He picked out some cool stuff. The idea was that he would get one every few days if he stayed in bed all night, and we would work up to the big toys. And then I told him that if he could stay in bed 2 full weeks, we would have a party. I meant it, too. I seriously would want to throw a party if we made it 2 full weeks. I told him that if he couldn't stay in his bed without me being in there, then I was going to take all his toys back so that we could afford a new air mattress. However, we didn't make it one night. I ended up in his room (in bed with Zachary, actually, and sleeping with a three year old has got to be something like sleeping with a large octopus) at about 2am. That's when he told me, "It's okay, Mama. You can take it all back. That's okay." GRRRR!!!! That's SO NOT the point!! I fussed and complained...I didn't go to bed till almost 1am and I was beginning to get dizzy I was so tired. And then I forgot that I had told my neighbor that I would take her daughter to school today so she called and woke me up before 7am. And given that I felt like I was on the brink of losing it altogether yesterday, when I was relatively well-rested and not cranky, I can't imagine what today will bring. I can't stop praying for God's grace and mercy.

Can you feel the love?

Part of a conversation we had this weekend regarding whether or not a fire should be built in the backyard to enhance the "camping out" adventure Sweet Hubby and the kids had this weekend:

"Fine. If you burn this house down, you don't get to live in the new one."



No fire was built, just so you know.

I am Mommy, hear me roar

So as you all know (because I've mentioned once or forty-two times), Stephen started T-ball this year. For the most part, we've had fun with it. But things are starting to take a turn...

I haven't always been impressed with the coach. But I told myself (and Sweet Hubby) that we don't know what it's like trying to teach 12 5-year-olds the intricacies of a ball game. And really, are the details really all that important at this age? But there have been more than a few things happening that make me raise my eyebrows. Like the team mom, the coach's wife, yelling "Son of a b!tch!" from the dugout loud enough for the kids to hear. And the coach on more than one occasion telling his child and one other child that he was going to beat them. And the coach's child shoving Stephen and calling him chicken or stomping on his foot at second base. And the grown-man wannabe coach who laughs at and teases Stephen when he has to go to the bathroom for the fourth time during practice. It's enough to make me queasy, really. And angry. Things like this are exactly the reasons why we're choosing to homeschool. Why in the world would we pay to have our child subjected to it?

Stephen's even getting discouraged by it all. He told me this weekend that he didn't want to go to the game because of "Braaaandon" (which by the way, is not his real name, but it is what Stephen calls him and because of the way this kid has treated Stephen, I've never corrected him). He just doesn't understand. Stephen is loud and bossy and boisterous and exuberant. He's been known to shove one of his brothers a time or two and heaven knows he can yell when he's mad. But he and I both know he would never do that to another child. He's just not the kind of kid to lash out physically. So neither one of us can really understand where these other kids are coming from.

So it's obvious we had a decision to make, Sweet Hubby and I. Sweet Hubby's instinct was to tell Stephen to shove the other kid back when Stephen first got shoved. My instinct is to "turn the other cheek", not seek revenge, and the be the bigger "man". I realize there's a fine line between being confident enough to not fight back and being wimpy and not fighting back, and then consequently being picked on all the time. How do you teach that to a 5 year old? Does a 5 year old even need to learn this? There's a big difference between a 5 year old and a 10 year old learning to handle and defend himself. Honestly, deep down, there's a primal, immature part of me that wants to punch the coach in the face for not handling his own kid better and for not demanding that these kids learn respect and sportsmanship first, before learning how to hit or throw a ball. But I'm clinging to what I know is right, and what we're wanting to teach our children. There are, after all, always watching.

Beyond giving Stephen guidance on how to handle all this, we also had to decide if we were going to continue subjecting him to it. Here's the back and forth we had about it:

There's only a month left in the season.

But there are at least 2 games each week.

If we let him quit, we won't have to teach him this lesson right now when we think he's too young.

If we let him quit, we might be inadvertently teaching him that just because we don't like the people we have to deal with, we can just walk away.

If we keep him in it, someone (us as parents or Stephen) might do something they will regret.

If we keep him in it, we might have the opportunity to show God's love to someone else by the way we handle another bad situation.


Obviously, Sweet Hubby and I are both conflicted about it. But some good has come from it so far. Last practice was when Stephen got shoved. I wasn't at the practice, and on the way home I was asking Stephen a series of questions, trying to get him thinking about it all. Here are parts of our conversation. (Sweet Hubby and I are red, Stephen's blue.)

"So how did it make you feel when Brandon pushed you?"

"I didn't like it."

"Have you ever pushed Zachary?"

Long pause. "No?"

"Yes you have, and do you think Zachary felt the same way you did when Brandon pushed you today?"

"Yes."

"God wants us to do and say things that build people up and help them. Not tear them down."

"Why did Brandon push me like that?"

"It has nothing to do with you, Sweetie. Brandon has a lot of foolishness bound up in his heart and maybe his mom and dad aren't helping him get it out like your mom and dad are."

"Why doesn't Brandon's mom read the bible with him?"

"Well, we don't know that she doesn't. But some people don't do things the way we do them, and that's okay. But that also means that we're given opportunities to show God's love to them so that they know about it, even if they don't read the bible."

"I'm glad you read the bible with me."

And then I melted.

I can kind of see how the hard month that we had with Stephen's behavior and the issues we're having with t-ball are all coming together for Stephen (and I) to have a better understand of what we're supposed to do. And that what how we're raising these little men is actually paying off.

So here's the decision we reached (believe it or not, I actually started this post last week before we made the decision). We're going to have him finish out the season. We're not even going to give him the option to quit. However, one of us will be sitting in the dugout with him at all times (I suspect that that's where most of the misbehavior takes place, and believe me, it's not just Brandon misbehaving) and during practices, Sweet Hubby or one of his grandfathers will stay near him on the field to try to make sure the kids don't lay a hand on each other (any of them, not just ours). Sweet Hubby is as much on board with this as I am, but at first he bristled at the thought of trying to protect Stephen like this. He made the old argument that Mommy and Daddy can't always be there to protect him. I gently reminded him that he's FIVE and if he were 10 or even 7 or 8, that we would be having a different conversation. I think he finally realized that some of us aren't equipped to handle this kind of thing in our 20's. Why in the world would we expect a five year old to be able to?

Updates

Remember this post I wrote whining asking advice for how to handle the baby that's into everything all the time? Well, I figured I'd update you a little. I did replace all the books on the bottom shelf of the bookshelf with Marc-Adam's books. He loved that for a while, but has now lost interest in the bookshelf altogether. I also taped a soda bottle cap over the power button on the TV so he can't turn it on and off in record speed while also annoying his brothers. It's a very attractive look, lemme tell ya. However, I couldn't figure out how to cover the rest of the buttons because when I attempted to do so, he was still able to push ALL the buttons at the same time and put our TV into SAP. That was fun. So I had to remove that prototype and now those buttons are still exposed, so he gleefully turns the channels and the volume up and down all the live long day. And sends his brothers into panic attacks. I did also remove the chore cards for good until he's old enough to not be interested. Who knows when that will be.

So, even though most of those "problems" have been resolved, he has now moved on to bigger and better tricks. His new favorite past time is climbing up and standing on the coffee table or kitchen table. He climbs on the coffee table while I'm sitting on the couch and then hurls himself at me so that I have to catch him. This goes on and on, and I can't stop him from doing it. I'm too afraid that he'll do something when I can't catch him and hurt himself. He's also learned that when I'm cooking dinner and can't hold him he can climb up on the kitchen table, stand up, stand dangerously close to the edge and then cry. He knows that I'll come get him every time. And so for those few seconds, he also gets what he wants because he's got my attention.

And the newest trick is really very smart. If there's a seat that he wants and someone else is occupying it, he distracts them out of it. For instance, the other day, Z was sitting on a stool watching his favorite show and minding his business. Marc-Adam decided he wanted that stool (that we have three of, by the way) and started to push and pull and yell at Z to get up. When Zachary held his ground, or his bottom as it may be, Marc-Adam went over to the TV and turned the channel. Zachary got up to turn it back and went back to his seat. But by that time Marc-Adam had already run over and plopped himself on to it. That's really very smart. And funny. To me at least, and only until he uses the same trick on me to get the computer chair.

And an update on Stephen. I'm afraid to say much out of fear that I'm speaking too soon, but the last week has been really good. It seems we've weathered the worst of the attitude. For the most part, he's back to his normal sweet self. He has his moments, but really, don't we all? I'm still sleeping in his room, but I'm not ready to fight that battle yet. I want him to forget about being so oppositional and get back to being more compliant before I try to get out of there totally. Anyway, he's been sweet to both his brothers, too. And yesterday he asked if he could go get his new movie out of the car. I told him no and when he sweetly said, "Yes, ma'am", I praised him big time and told him that not only could he get it out in a little while, but that he could also watch it while eating dinner in the living room (which is a big treat around here). We've been talking a lot about getting out the foolishness, and the other day he told me that he didn't want to be foolish and that he was glad we were getting it out. I just about fell over...I had no idea it was actually sinking in.

They ARE a different species, you know

I think my boys need a little more influence from the younger female variety.

Z: Do bats bite people?

Me: No, they don't usually bite people.

Z: What do they eat? Girls?

I forgot about this....

I bookmarked this link a while back meaning to blog about it...you may think it's the dumbest link ever shared, but I find it fascinating. I guess if you start thinking real hard (which I never have time to do) you could probably start figuring out that we're all related really. But I find these kinds of genetics stories really interesting.

Wordless Wednesday--What you get when the kids get a hold of the camera

Play Ball!

Stephen had his first t-ball game on Saturday. Except for the time he was digging in the dirt and dancing while playing short stop, and spinning in circles while on 2nd base, he did awesome! He scored 3 runs and hit the ball like a pro. Not to mention how stinkin' cute he was in his outfit uniform. (I wish I could figure out how to upload the video so I could post his hits...maybe I'll work on that.)

Can you help?

My bloggy friend Kate is in need of some help. If you or anyone you know has had experience with depression/biploar disorder, taking medications for them and being pregnant or trying to conceive while on meds, hop over to her blog and let her know your experience. She could really use some real-life advice/encouragement. THANKS!

My Journey

I haven't talked/posted much about the spiritual retreat I went on a few weeks ago. I suppose it took a while to process it all and I have had other, more pressing issues at hand. But now that I'm outside of the experience there and am applying it to my real life, I can honestly say that it's changed my life as I see it.

Before this retreat, I struggled with this tiny voice on a running loop in the back of my head telling me that I was not good at anything, I was unlovable, I was a failure, I would never do anything significant, and that I would never really matter. I don't know where "The Voice" came from or when it started, but it went on and on all the time, until I believed it and had begun to really loathe myself. I also struggled with some serious doubts and questions in my faith. I felt like, even though I wanted to, I couldn't really believe in anything firmly because I had too many doubts and far too many questions. So I felt like a fake, going to church and talking to my kids about God. But I wanted to be there and I wanted to have what I perceive other people to have. And honestly, I thought that I thought that God loved me, but I discovered that I never really did know it deep down. I thought that my inability to become closer to God was because of my doubts. I thought that God didn't really want me to be close or that I didn't deserve to be close to him because I couldn't say that I believed everything that I was supposed to believe without a doubt.

But it turns out, that wasn't it at all. It turns out that I had convinced myself so deeply that I was not good enough (for no particular reason at all) that I didn't think it was possible for God to love me like I've heard people say that he loves his children. I thought that it applied to everyone else, but I just wasn't good enough. No matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried I was never able to accomplish the relationship with God that I wanted. I was just using my doubts as an excuse.

About a week after I returned from the retreat (and things started to settle down around here), I was laying in bed praying one night and I realized there was silence in my head. Silence. The Voice had been silenced. I finally accepted God's love for myself and The Voice had nothing else to say about me. Because I know God loves me, and even if I never accomplish a single thing in my life ever again, God loves me. And the questions I have? They're still there. I still wonder and doubt. But that's okay, because it doesn't matter anymore. I realized that I don't have to know for sure every thing I wanted to know. Because I know the one thing that many people never get a chance to realize in this life. God loves me exactly as I am. And nothing I do or say or is going to add to that or take away from it. It's just there. And life will be much easier if I accept it and embrace it. And I have. Finally.

I have to end with a quote from one of the kids' Veggie Tales books:

God loves you, too, and he wants you to know, he's right there beside you, where ever you go.

Do you need this today?

I sure did.

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. ~Galatians 6:9

Slowly....

We are making progress with Stephen. I've spent so much time praying for him, over him, with him that God's probably helping us out just so we quit talking about it so much. Yesterday, Stephen really surprised me and did some really sweet, selfless things for his brothers (he even wiped Z's bum while Marc-Adam was passed out on my chest). And we had a long discussion last night and we ALL agreed that last night would be the last night that I was going to sleep in his room. That was even his idea. If he sleeps in his bed, while I sleep in mine, tonight and the next two nights, then he gets to spend the night with my IL's on Thursday. And I even threw in a trip to Wally World for a new computer game if he does well (although, I might change that to a new Webkinz since he's been asking for a new one). Because I'm desperate to be sleeping in my own bed again. I'm not sure it'll actually happen tonight. In fact, I'm about 80% sure that I'll still be camped out in their room by the end of the week. Maybe that's just the pessimist in me.

But really, even though we've had some tough moments when the attitude reared its ugly head, it has gotten better. I'm clinging to the progress and hoping that we keep moving in that direction to get things back to normal.

Finally

I've been a little lazy with the upkeep of my blog, but I've finally updated my side bar. I had some old links up there (come to think of it, I might still need to change one). And I'm not at home, so I'm afraid I might be leaving out some really important link from my bookmarks. But I'll check again when I get a chance. So check out some of the newer additions (there's only a couple right now) if you feel browsing some new blogs....assuming of course, that you're not already reading all the ones I'm reading. :)

AND Happy Easter to you all. Honestly, I think Easter is my favorite holiday of all. I could do without all the pastel bunnies and chicks and sugar highs, though. My kids don't really even know that some families have the Easter Bunny come to their house. I don't think Zachary has ever had an Easter basket from us. I think Stephen had one for his first Easter and not since. But I honestly love Easter and the renewal I feel because of it. And I love that we get to spend time with family without the pressure of gifts. So Happy Easter. I hope you enjoy the pastel bunnies and chicks and sugar highs, if you like those kinds of things. But most of all I hope you are reminded of God's love for you. Because, really, that's what it's all about.

Anyone have a magic wand?

Y'all, I wish I had some happy ending update and that I could stop posting about our issues with Stephen. And I don't want to sound like I'm whining or complaining, because that's not it. It's just that it's still hard and I'm worried. I seriously didn't think I would have to deal with stuff like this until he was 10 or 16 or something. The attitude. I almost have to make sure I set a place at the table for it. And give it a bath. Because it has taken over my sweet little child.

Things had been going so well for such a long time. I honestly thought that I had it easy with Stephen. I thought that since he was so well behaved and sweet that if I stayed consistent with him, the road from here to puberty would be smooth sailing. I have become those mothers I've judged for so long. You know, the mothers in the grocery store whose child slaps them and the mother does nothing? Well, if he hit me in the store, I would do something, but it would probably be just firmly telling him no hitting and then leaving. Because beyond that, I have no idea what to do. I have no idea how to handle the attitude, the arguing, the whining, the doubting, the heavy sighing, the eye rolling....etc, etc. It goes on all. day. long. If I came down on him and corrected every single thing that I don't allow him to do, I would correcting him every minute of every day. Even when I try to start us on an activity that I know he enjoys, if he doesn't get to be the boss/be first/call the shots/get the best or biggest, then things fall apart and things get ugly. I just don't know what to do.

I've been in a state of almost constant prayer. And survival mode. One foot in front of the other kind of thing. I feel like I've lost his respect somehow. He seems to doubt and question every thing I say or do. Which is putting HUGE doubts in my head about homeschooling and makes me worry about what I tell him about God. Because it's like he doesn't want to believe anything I say. And that is breaking my heart.

While I'm recommending stuff....

These are must for your next party or taco night. Or for when you just need a simple snack. I don't buy chips at all, ever, unless it fits in with a meal (which means I only ever buy tortilla chips for taco night). But these, I think will make it on to my grocery list anytime I have a few extra bucks. Or maybe we'll be having a taco night at least once a week. Oh my word, they are good.

Fun Family Flick

I dare you to try to say that title 5 times fast.

Anyhoo, Sweet Hubby and I picked up Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium the other day for us to watch while the kids were sleeping over at their grandparents' houses. We ended up falling asleep about 30 minutes into it (we are a wild and crazy couple of people), but those first 30 minutes were so cute and sweet that we decided to watch it as a family the next afternoon. The kids loved it and actually sat still for the majority of it.

It's just an all-around sweet, fun movie. It's colorful, funny and has a good message. There's one utterance of the word "idiot" (when Mr. Magorium was talking about his pet Zebra, Mortimer), but other than that, there's no potty humor, foul language or name-calling (which are the three biggies when I'm considering a movie for my kids).

So I give it two mommy thumbs up for a family movie. It's definitely fun for everyone.

Oh, and don't just turn it off when the credits start rolling...even the credits are entertaining!

Are you tired of this yet?

I know my going on and on about our issues with Stephen is probably wearing thin with my readers. But it's this or nothin' since this is what's on my mind. And I need proof that he wasn't an angel child all his life when my grandkids are 5 and I'm wondering why in the world my son and daughter-in-law can't control them. Because I'm pretty sure that's something I would do.

So it's obvious that there are some pretty serious things going on in Stephen's mind and heart. I think my absence really shook up his world, so I've engaged in full-scale damage control. Last night, Sweet Hubby blew up our air mattress and I camped out in the kids' room for the entire night. And the plan is that I'm going to keep doing that until Stephen is feeling more secure. Honestly, I think it's the only way that anyone is going to sleep until we get this sorted out. I have no idea how I'm going to get out of their room and back into my own bed when that time comes, but I have been prayerful about the whole situation, so I'm hopeful that the how and when will be clear when the time comes. Until then, I'm going to praise him big time when we all get a good night's sleep and I'm going to take the stress and pressure off. It was just too much for all of us. It was running our whole family for a few days and no one was happy. I've reminded him several times that I'm only sleeping in there for a little while. Last night, he was under the impression that I was only sleeping in there for one night. And I didn't correct him. Truth is that Sweet Hubby have decided to commit a month to this. So hopefully this time next month I'll be reporting to you that all is back to normal or that we've concocted a new normal that we are all happy with (which I promise will include me sleeping in my bed and him sleeping in his).

Until then, I'll probably be achy and tired. The thought of sleeping on an air mattress for a couple of weeks makes me want to run out and by an economy size bottle of extra strength pain reliever. But it's worth it to help Stephen know that even though it might have been shaken up a bit, his foundation is still there and is still firm.

Pray for us?

I don't think I've ever asked for prayer on my blog before. But one of the things I learned this past weekend was that people really do care, even if they have their own issues going on in their lives. And I learned to lean not so much on myself and my own faith, but to also reach out when I'm struggling.

I mentioned in my last post about the terrible night that we had with Stephen on Sunday night. Monday night was better, but only because I did everything I could to keep the stress level down, even if it meant doing things I would not normally do. But I felt we were in survival mode. Last night, my in-laws offered to take the kids so we could get a little more rest. Especially since Sweet Hubby had to work today. Starting tonight, I think we're going to take a "2 night on, 2 night off" strategy, so Sweet Hubby and I can both get a couple of nights rest until we get this sorted out. On an up note, I just put everyone down for a nap and Stephen laid down without much of a fuss. Yesterday at naptime, he started the same antics as he pulled the night before. But today, he made sure several times that I wasn't going to take a nap. He asked me to turn on my TV (our rooms are right across the hall from each other) and asked if I would get on the computer instead of laying down to take a nap. That seemed to be important to him. I don't usually let my kids dictate to me what to do, but he asked sweetly and it seemed important, so I told him I would. He doesn't normally take a nap, but since his night sleep has been suffering (and we'll be having a late bedtime tonight because we have church) I've been trying to get him to nap to make up for what he's missing at night. I realize it could be an ugly cycle, but again, we're in survival mode.

The thing is, it's not just his nights that are out of whack. His entire attitude has changed. Part of me thinks that he might be reacting to the fact that I was gone for 4 days (and on top of that, we couldn't even talk during that time). But he's never really been a child who reacts negatively (especially THIS negatively) to change. So that might not even be it. He's been more and more disrespectful, disobedient, whiny, impatient, uncooperative and almost angry. And like I mentioned before, he doesn't seem to care about consequences. Perhaps this all stemming from him being tired.

Anyway, I'm really struggling with this because I feel like this is a reflection of MY parenting. He's never been like this. And I don't know what to do. I'm trying to just love him through this, but I don't want it to seem like I'm giving him permission to act so ugly to all of us.

So pray for Stephen, please. Pray that whatever is going on in his little heart will come out so we can deal with it. Pray that he knows that he's loved and safe here. Pray for Sweet Hubby and I that we can have the wisdom to handle these issues and that we can do so in a way that brings all of us closer to God. Pray that the nighttime issues resolve quickly because we all know how the bad stuff gets magnified if we don't have enough sleep. And pray for me that I can get through this without losing my cool and without feeling like a complete failure.

Thanks. It feels good just to get that little bit off my chest.