I can't even fake it

Sometimes, when I'm in a really pissy mood, I try to just fake my way through and I eventually get in a better mood. When I act like I'm happy and that I don't mind being asked for the eleventy hundredth time what's for dinner, then I actually start to be happy and not mind.

But right now, I don't even care enough to fake it. I'm too tired to even want to try. To make matters worse it's melt-your-makeup hot outside (not that I actually wear makeup most of the time, but if I did, it'd melt anyway) so there's no hope in getting outside to get some fresh air and let the kids get some energy out. They can play for about 30 minutes first thing in the morning, but after that, their cheeks get scary red and they even start begging for the A/C. So they run around the house sounding like elephants, yelling and carrying on and waking up Evie, which, let me tell you, makes me oh so happy. And that really lifts the mood. *insert eye roll here*

I must really be in a pissy mood to be using sarcasm on the blog.

So.

Blah.

What's your mood lifter when you can't convince yourself to get happy?

I nearly cried when I heard

This makes me happier than I've ever been about a movie coming out. It's my most favorite book EVER and I've been waiting for a year and a half for the movie to come out. After every comic book movie and guy flick I've seen with Sweet Hubby on opening day, he is taking me to see this movie on the day it's released. And I'm going to hope hope hope that the movie does the book justice.

The age old dilemma...

...to wear make-up or to not wear make-up to the hospital.

I've been debating this for days. On the one hand, I want to look good for pictures, especially since I'll be donning one of those sexy maternity hospital gowns and probably a little bit of bed-head from the operating table. On the other hand, I tend to cry quite a bit at the birth of my children, and I'm afraid I'll end up with raccoon eyes for the pictures. So I went out this morning and bought some waterproof mascara (which I generally avoid, but I think will come in handy for this situation) and some pretty new lipgloss. I'm thinking of just putting on foundation and mascara and lipgloss and skipping any other eye makeup.

What do you think? What did you do?

Keeping you informed

I've been debating about what to share about my doctor's appointment yesterday. On the one hand, what happened turned out to be no big deal, but on the other hand, I'm afraid that those of you who I'm close with and are following this pregnancy closely through my blog might be surprised and maybe a little offended that I didn't share this. So here goes...this isn't an alert that something is wrong, just me keeping all my loved ones in the loop.

I had my 37 week appointment. It was supposed to be my last appointment until my c-section next week. When the nurse took my blood pressure, she said it was much higher than it usually is and asked if I had been busy or stressed that day. I had been neither stressed nor busy and I had been sitting calmly, quietly in the waiting room for about 15 minutes. When my doctor came in, I asked her about the blood pressure and she said that the nurse would re-check it before I left and that if it was still high that they would have to send me over to the hospital. Well, the nurse re-checked it and it was the same as it had been before. So I got a first-hand tour of the new hospital where Evie will be born. They finally got me all set up on the monitors and every time they took my blood pressure, it was lower than it had been the time before. An hour later, I was walking out of there with the instructions to follow up with my doctor next Monday.

So that's it. Just a tiny concern that didn't last very long. Later on, I was thinking about it and I had had a high salt lunch and as I was exiting the freeway to get to the doctor's office, my car skidded a bit (it's been wet and soggy here for a couple of days) and I almost rear-ended the person in front of me. It scared me a little, and those two things together might have contributed to my high readings in the office. But maybe not. Who knows. The important thing is that everything is fine now.

And now you're in the know.

Eye on the prize

Now that Easter is behind us, I have nothing else in front of me except the birth of our 4th baby. I've been living week to week, or actually event to event, and now that all the big Easter events are over, I feel like I can squarely focus on the last few weeks of this pregnancy. I think I'm ready, emotionally and mentally, for her to come at any time. And at this point, I'm thinking the sooner the better, but I realize that now I'm all prepared, I'll probably have to wait till our scheduled date. Which is great, too, but I'm just ready. Ready to turn the page on this pregnancy, and ready to start a new chapter with my family.

Everything's just about prepared. Although, I'm trying to think of things to keep myself busy for the next couple weeks. I definitely need to clean...all rooms need to be straightened, and I'm planning on cleaning out the utility room and playroom. I'm hoping to get my steam mop next week, so I can clean properly clean the floors without getting down on my hands and knees like I usually do. The bathrooms and kitchen need to be scrubbed, and I'm hoping to start stocking up our freezer with meals that can be quickly and easily prepared. I also want to sew a new cover for our boppy. Thursday, I get to visit my dearest friend and then that night a few ladies from my church are throwing me a baby shower for girly stuff. So I guess I have enough (in addition to just regular life of being with and caring for my boys) to keep me busy and to keep me from going crazy in the next few weeks. Now if only I could get enough energy and pain relief to actually accomplish all those things....

System shock

You'd think that knowing for 3 months that we're having a girl that I would get used to the idea. And for a while, I think I am used to the idea, then something happens and I'm suddenly smacked with "Oh.my.word. We're having a girl." Today, Sweet Hubby's working in what's going to be Evie's room. This morning, it was a MESS. Just stuff everywhere, no organization, MESSY. I finally got in there and sorted stuff out (we sold some furniture out of there this weekend) and cleaned it up. I hung up some of her clothes in the closet and then a little while later, went back into the closet to put something in there, and the sight of pink frilly things hanging up in the closet made me do a double take. I don't think I'm going to get used to the idea until she's here and we've experienced what it's like to have a little girl in the house. All of her stuff still seems out of place.

Right now, her room is blue. By the end of the day, it will be a pale shade of pink ("Apple Blossom" to be exact). Now that will be a shock.

When we get the room all finished and put together, I'll post pics. It's going to be precious, thanks to my mom and mother-in-law.

Time for a belly pic

I'm not sure I've posted any belly pics this time around, and I'm bored tonight (NOTHING on DVR and nothing on TV), so I thought I'd post a picture of me and Evie at 32 weeks 5 days. It's sort of a sorry picture, but it's the best I could do on my own.

T minus 6 weeks

So. If everything goes according to plan (ha ha), exactly 6 weeks from right now, our little Evie will be here taking her first breaths...either being manhandled by the nurses or being all wrapped up and held by her Daddy for the first time. Baby day has been officially scheduled for May 7th (05.07.09--that's the date I've wanted all along) for 7:30 in the morning. We'd been talking about that all along, and the doctor even scheduled it for us earlier than she normally schedules c-sections so that we could ensure to get that day (she normally doesn't actually schedule until 32-34 weeks, but she scheduled it when I was 30 weeks). But when she told me it was official, I had a little bit of a freak out. It made it that much more real. And I'm acutely aware of the fact that we may not make it to that day at all. I've thought all along that we may not even make it to May. But I don't know. I guess we'll have to wait and see. All that matters is that in 6 weeks or less, our daughter will be in our arms.

I think we're just about ready. Her room's not ready and her clothes aren't clean or sorted, but we have everything we should need. The pack and play is still at my folks', but we can get that at any time and that's really the only thing that we need. Other than that, we have diapers and jammies. Since I'll be nursing, the food is built in, so if Evie Cate decides to come early, we'll be ready. Funny. Even just 2 babies ago, I wouldn't have even entertained the thought of NOT having the room and everything perfectly ready to go for the new baby. Now, I just want the house to be clean and I'd like to be done being pregnant. That's all.

I've been feeling as I think I should be feeling in the third trimester with the fourth child. Tired, achy, cranky. Morning nausea has also returned which is a nice little gift. I'm quite large, and Evie's butt or knee or heel or something equally bony has taken up residence under my left ribs. But in spite of all that and the fact that I feel like I've been pregnant for.ev.er. I really am still enjoying being pregnant with my little girl. I love having her as a part of me. I love feeling her kicks and nudges...I love how she's still and quiet all night (Lord, please let that continue after birth)...I love being able to watch her roll around and being able to share all of her antics with her adoring brothers and daddy.

Speaking of daddy, you have never met a man more excited about a baby than my Sweet Hubby is right now about Evie. I can't wait to see his reaction to her. I'm afraid I'm going to have to wrestle him to the ground to get to hold her....and the major surgery/anesthesia thing might hold me back a bit. Of course, I have the advantage of being her food supply, so I'm thinking I'll have to play that card in order to get my hands on her.

6 weeks, people....and I'm going to have 4 kids. And a daughter. Who'd've thunk it?

Free stuff?? Sign me up!

The company Sweet Hubby works for has a program for expectant parents that offers "support" and information. They started offering it shortly after we got pregnant, but I never enrolled. Somehow, they found out that Sweet Hubby and I were expecting and they called to enroll us. I didn't think I really needed any more support or info, but I'd heard there were free coupons involved, so I thought, "What the heck?" So I enrolled by answering some strange and personal questions.

Holy cow, I should have enrolled at 14 weeks (like they encourage) instead of 30! So far, I've received two packages by UPS from the program, both with not coupons, but actual free stuff!! I've gotten 2 huge books (one is What to Expect the First Year and the other is a book about taking care of your baby and child--medical info and the like), a really nice blanket, a cool sippy cup, a formula dispenser (bah), a cool magnet for the fridge to keep track of your daily/weekly servings of the food groups and lots of pamphlets/booklets with valid information about breastfeeding, folic acid, RSV, signs of preterm labor (which actually had info that I had never heard), etc. I'm so impressed! I'm hoping that I'll keep getting the packages once a week because it's like Christmas! :) I love free stuff!

And oh yeah, they have a 24 hour nurse line, blah, blah, blah...but look! A free cuddly blankie!

Normal

Grab your party hats, folks, 'cause you're in for a pity party.

Usually when I talk about things getting back to normal, I talk about it in a good way because I look forward to normal and "calm" (calm is a relative term). But now, I sit here bitter about normal.

Sweet Hubby's back at work tonight. He slept/rested most of the afternoon and left about an hour ago. He had been on leave from work for almost 7 weeks and I have gotten so used to having him around. The first few weeks, it was great having him home. We really are best friends and it was great to be a team (as much as he could be a part of a team in his condition) and to "hang out" all day. The second couple of weeks, I started to feel a little restless and claustrophobic because I hadn't really had 2 seconds truly alone in weeks. I started to look forward to getting back to normal when he went back to work. And then the last few weeks, having him home became our new normal. We've gotten to spend lots of time together and we've gotten a lot done. Doing school was 10 times easier because I had a built-in playmate to keep Marc-Adam (or either of the other boys) busy while the older boys and I were able to really concentrate on our work. Every night, after we put the kids down and checked our e-mail, we'd plop down on the couch and watch a movie or something off DVR, eat a bowl of cereal (or a milkshake) and just be.

So now, I'm feeling a bit lonely and sorry for myself. I still have a few things to watch on DVR that I haven't watched yet because I knew he didn't have any interest in it, but I don't want to sit by myself. And I'm really really thirsty and craving some apple juice...there were more than a few times that I would be craving something after the kids went to bed and he would run up to the store to get it for me. Obviously, I can't just run up to the store now, so I have to drink the funky water (uh, no.) or more milk (I think I've drank most of a gallon of milk today).

This week's going to be longer than normal, too, because he gets home Friday morning to be off for 4 days, but then Friday afternoon he's going camping with his dad and won't be home till Sunday afternoon. Boo. I really wanted to whine about those plans, but I bit my tongue because he needs that getaway.

Oh, well. 7.5 more weeks till Evie gets here and we'll get to have him home for a whole 'nother 6 weeks.

On the upside, I might actually be blogging more now. No offense, but it was much more fun to spend my free time hanging out with him than blogging. :)

Ti-red.

That's how Stephen used to say tired and now we all say it that way.

And that's how I feel. Ugh. Just tired all the time, and can't get enough sleep. It's like the first trimester all over again, minus the nausea and the desire to scratch out the eyes of everyone who annoyed me (which was pretty much everyone back then). I spent a great few weeks in the last couple months where everything was great! I felt great! I had energy left over to spare and the skies were blue and little birdies circled my head singing as I walked along. Now it's all I can do just to keep my eyes open while driving or talking or eating. I know what you're thinking...yes, I know I'm growing a person and all, and I do remember feeling this way in my last pregnancies, but only in the last few weeks and I still have a good 10 weeks to go in this one. And the thought of spending 2 more months like this, only to transition in to the exhaustion that accompanies having a newborn in the house...well, it makes me want to cry. Or shrivel up and hide.

Tired.

And that is all.

Somebody stop me!!

I've picked up a new hobby.

Bows.

I decided the other day that I would try to make most of Evie's bows (and believe me, I plan on putting a bow on her every chance I get). Some of the bows that I looked at to buy were $5 or $6 each, and I just have a hard time spending that much on a baby/toddler accessory. So I searched the internet for how to make them (you'd be surprised at how little instruction there is on the internet...these bow-making ladies keep their secrets close) and dug out some ribbon. I made the first one and was hooked. Hobby Lobby had their ribbon by the spool on sale, so I went and bought some cute ribbon yesterday. And I haven't quit making bows since. Well, except to eat and help the kids with their handwriting.

So. Here's what I've done so far (I apologize for the quality of the pictures...they aren't good which is sad because I think it takes away from how cute the bows are):



This one was the hardest, but turned out the best and one of my favorites:



This is definitely my favorite...must find an outfit to match it for Evie:



This one is cute...picture doesn't do it justice (it looks lopsided or uneven, I think it's just the angle of the bow and my awful picture taking skills):



A fun one, really cute ribbon:



This is the very first one I did, it matches one of my favorite outfits of Evie's perfectly:



Just another cute one with cute ribbon:



The first one I did in this particular bow-style...I don't like it, probably won't ever use it:


Surprisingly, I really enjoy doing this and it doesn't take me long to crank them out. I can't wait to go get my hands on more ribbon! However, starting out this new hobby makes me wonder if all the bow-making mommies and professional bow-makers have any fingerprints left. I've burned and poked myself so much that I'm surprised I'm still able to type!

I also bought a bunch of little tiny "no hair needed" bows for Evie's first few weeks. And I got an awesome deal on headbands that you can use with interchangeable bows. I think I might be a little out of control....

Perfect timing

Just the other day, I was thinking that I'd like to get some more nursing shirts and/or dresses for when Evie is born, so I don't have to struggle with nursing at church like I did with Marc-Adam. I couldn't wear any of my dresses that I had because I would have to half undress in order to nurse. But I didn't want to wear shirts and pants all the time, because I felt I would be too dressed down most of the time. And the only nursing shirts I really had were t-shirt type shirts that I got when I was nursing Stephen and the nursing wear they offer these days are SO MUCH better.

ANYWAY, Motherwear is giving away a $50 gift certificate! I think this is one of my favorite items from Motherwear, if I have to choose one.

This gift card would be such a blessing to me right now!!

Anyone care to join me in a dance??

I received some fantastic news a little bit ago. I took my 3 hour glucose test for gestational diabetes on Monday. I didn't have high hopes because I've had GD the last two pregnancies, but all my bloodwork came back NORMAL!! I don't have it this time! YAY! I can eat just about whatever I want, I don't have to prick my fingers or record my numbers or pee on a stick every morning! What a relief.

I'm doing a happy girl dance!

Quick! Send me some e-mail!

Because I feel like I have brain matter coming from my ears from trying to figure out all of our doctor's bills and insurance claims, I figured I would make myself feel better by trying to clean out my e-mail inbox. It desperately needed a cleaning. I had nearly 5000 e-mails dating back to summer of '07. I intended on only purging until I had freed of 50% of my allowable space, but then I couldn't stop and I trashed everything, except for a handful of e-mails that I moved to the "Save" folder. Now my inbox is empty. And now I'm sad. And also slightly crazy. But that's nothing new.

I'm totally kidding about asking y'all to send me e-mail. I'm just surprised by how I feel about my empty inbox.

Everyone else is doing it

It seems like everyone's doing a bullet point post, so why shouldn't I? I do need to fit in to the bloggy world, right? ;)

• Potty training's going well with M-A. He's got the tee-teeing down pat. #2's not great, but he's had a few successes. He is, however, in underwears full-time during the day. He's still in diapers at night and nap, but that's because I'm not brave enough to do undies at night. He wakes up dry 95% of the time, but he's still in a crib, so we'll cross that bridge when we get there.
• Like I said, Marc-Adam's still in his crib (which I'm hoping I can make last for a few more months at least), but we moved his crib into the boys' room this evening. We tried this once before, but put him in the toddler bed. That went over like a lead balloon, so this is round 2. So far, they're all in there being quiet, and I bet at least 2 of them are already asleep. I have 3 kids in one room. LOL! Ah, the joys of a large family in a small house.
• So, you're probably wondering what's up with what used to be Marc-Adam's room. Well, obviously, it will be Evie's room. I wasn't opposed to having her share with one of her brothers for a little while (hopefully we'll be in a bigger house by the time it's important for her to have her own space), but if we can make this arrangement work, I think it's the best scenario for now. I'm flexible, though, and will mix things up again if we have to.
  
• Speaking of Evie's room, the bedding's here!. It came in and I picked it up from my mom today. Y'all, it's even better in person. It's so well-made, so plush and soft and pretty and girly and....it's just perfect. Mom and I found a lamp that we fell in love with at Target today, and if the colors match the lamp shade, we're so getting it. It's perfect.
• We've decided to go with pink for Evie's room, but I'm worried about that. I'm afraid of it being "too pink" or Pepto Bismol pink, or just nauseating pink. But we've got a limited number of shades to work with out of her bedding. Anybody have any experience painting a room pink? Care to share?
• I feel like this pregnancy has taken FOR.EV.ER. And I still have at least 16 weeks to go. This is by far the slowest pregnancy I've ever had.
  
• I've decided to ditch part of our homeschool curriculum. I've been agonizing over this for days now, but I think I've finally come to the conclusion. It's really a great curriculum, it's just not working for us right now, so we're going to shelve it. I definitely plan on pulling it out again when the kids get a little older, though. I think they'll like it better in a few years.
• So, until I figure out what else we're going to do, I guess we'll just be sticking with the 3 R's: reading, writing, and arithmetic. And lots and lots of play.
  
• Pray for Sweet Hubby if you're the praying sort. He's not been feeling well lately and went to the doctor on Wednesday. They drew a bunch of blood and so far all those tests have come back normal. He had a CT scan today, but we don't have the results of that yet. On the one hand, I'm glad the tests have come back normal so far, but on the other hand, he still feels awful and we have no idea why (and therefor no way to make him better). I would have rathered something come back abnormal in his blood tests than the CT scan. If the CT scan comes back abnormal, then that means there something going on in his head, and well, I don't have to tell you that that scenario's a bit scary. So pray that he either starts feeling better, or that we found out why he feels so crummy to begin with.
• That's all.
  

Large and in charge

I'm going to be 22 weeks pregnant tomorrow. That means I have about 17 weeks left until Evie makes her arrival. And y'all. I'm just a little smaller than I was when I had Zachary. I carried Zachary smaller than I did the other two (and he was the biggest baby, go figure), and in another week or two, I'll probably be as big as I was when he was born. One the one hand, I worry about growing for 17 more weeks, but on the other hand, I remember how miserable I was with Zachary because he was taking up every inch of me. I keep thinking that maybe if I carry this baby more out instead of back, then I might be able to eat and you know, breathe at the end.

For a while, I was worried about the baby being too big, but at the ultrasound, she was measuring exactly to her dates. So it's just me. Fourth pregnancy I guess. I actually am measuring about a week and a half ahead of my dates.

I actually can't wait to see what I look like when I'm near the end. I've never had a really big belly.

Bittersweet

My belly is getting in the way of my favorite way to sit in my computer chair while playing on the computer.

The gift that starts giving before you even open it

I feel safe in posting this here right now because Sweet Hubby never reads my blog. Ever. And I'm not bitter. *ahem*

Anyway, last night as I was finally dozing off wayyyy past my bedtime, I woke up to Stephen calling to me from across the hall. "Mom. Mom!"

"What is it, Stephen?" I respond, slightly annoyed.

"THAT!"

I then realize "THAT" is some sort of noise coming from somewhere in the house. And in my fog of sleep I can't figure what the heck it is. So I lay there for a second hoping it will stop on its own trying to figure out what it is. When I figure that it's some sort of alarm and probably a watch alarm, I haul myself out of bed to investigate. This is when I remember that I've bought Sweet Hubby a watch for Christmas. Standing at the watches in the Walmart, I vacillated between an analog and a digital and finally decided on a digital. A decision I was cursing at about 11:52pm last night. And oh yeah, I've already wrapped all the presents, so the thing is under the tree WRAPPED. Among about 30 other presents. In the dark. So I crawl under the tree, dig for the tiny box in which the watch is wrapped and finally lay my hands on it. Thank goodness I didn't wrap the watch in another box, or else I wouldn't have been able to desperately start pushing the buttons THROUGH the wrapping paper to get the darn thing to stop. Something I did worked and it shut off. I crawl back to bed and try to go back to sleep.

Except about 3.5 minutes later, it starts going off again. I go through the same process, and the third time it goes off, I was actually asleep again. This is when I decide to bring the thing to bed with me in case it does it again. Which it does. At which point I tear the wrapping paper off and inspect the darn thing by its own little light which stays on for about 2 and one quarter seconds. Just long enough for me to accomplish nothing. So I flip open my cell phone for some light and begin trying to methodically push buttons to figure out how to turn the alarm (which seems to be set for every 3.5 minutes, a function of which I don't understand the usefullness) off. When it starts beeping in my hands, I realize that I'm going to have to actually OPEN one of Sweet Hubby's Christmas present, which makes me very sad. I finally got the instructions out and figured out how to turn the alarm off.

It was then that I realized what a sorry little watch this is. And I feel bad for that. I guess it's not too late to take it back. At least that would ensure that we don't go through a night like that again.

Anybody watch Friends? I felt like Phoebe.

Twiddling my thumbs

I'm feeling a bit anxious today. We have two big things coming up over the next two days and the pressure of waiting on them is starting to wear on me a bit. One should happen today, but I'm not quite ready to go public with that yet. If things go well, hopefully I'll be able to share some great news later this afternoon. But that's all I'll say about that.

The other thing is my should-be-20-week-but-getting-it-at-18.5 weeks ultrasound. We'll get to see the baby on Wednesday. I'm so excited. We've only had one ultrasound so far and that was 2 months ago when Baby still looked like a bean. Now it looks like a little miniature person. By this time in my previous pregnancies, I had had several ultrasounds because of some other health issues. But I've only had one so far and I'm absolutely DYING to get a glimpse at this precious little child. We'll get a glimpse of it's gender, too, but probably won't actually find out until Christmas morning with the whole family. Right now, I just want to see the baby. I'm not even really concerned with finding out boy or girl. I just want to look at it's face.

Oh and also, if you care to share some ideas for boys' names that you wouldn't mind if I ended up using, we could use some suggestions. We keep coming up with names and then deciding against them. We're clear out of good boy names. Our latest one is Grant, but I'm just not sure. It doesn't feel right. We're good on the girl name. That one's been decided for a while, and I think we'll actually stick with it.

*watching the minutes tick by*