Baptism

Genevieve was baptized yesterday. It's such a wonderful occasion to welcome a baby in to a congregation and into the body of Christ. We just love our church family so much and we are often overwhelmed by their love for us.

On to the pictures.

I got this one of the 4 of them before we left for church. The best picture I've gotten of all 4 of them since Evie was born.

Our sweet girl in her baptism dress.

I joked that this one looked like my 3 little convicts all ready for their court date.

The baptism.

A verse of the song the congregation sings to each child being baptized. I also sing it to the kids quite a bit at home.

The pastor and our family.

And this is what Sweet little Genevieve did to her baptism dress five minutes before the baptism. It's also the reason why she's wrapped in an ugly blanket for the actual baptism and why she's in different clothes for the pictures afterward (including the one just above with the pastor).

Other than the huge blow-out, she did great. We had lunch with our family afterward and it was really just a wonderful day. I think our church really needed that yesterday since a beloved member of our church passed away this week and his funeral was today. Many people told me how wonderful the baptism was and it was just what they needed to help with their sadness. For me it was a great reminder of God's promises and that not even death will separate us from His love.

I can't wait to see what plans God has for our little Evie. All I want for Evie, and for all of our children, is for her to love God and to want to serve Him with all her being. Yesterday was just the beginning.

The fight is over for the sweet baby I had asked you to pray for. He's no longer in pain or struggling. His mama and daddy got 2 precious days they didn't think they'd get with him. And now they begin healing--only with God's help, I can imagine. Thank you for praying for him, and please continue to pray for his mama and daddy and brothers, as well as our church as we begin to mourn the loss of this precious child.

Amazed

The baby I told you about in my last post? Well, he's still fighting. After a few unsuccessful trials at taking him off the machines keeping him alive, they decided to take him off the machines permanently yesterday. They said their goodbyes and no one expected him to live for very long afterward. More than 24 hours later, he's fighting and making improvements the doctors have never seen and can't explain. But we can explain. We have an awesome God.

Keep praying for this sweet baby boy and his family.

Heavy heart

I am burdened tonight with thoughts of a family at our church. I've never really even met them, but my heart is heavy with what they are having to face.

Their third son was born a few weeks ago, and he is very sick. Tomorrow they are having to make some terribly difficult decisions.

We are praying for a miracle.

Please pray with me. I don't feel comfortable sharing too many details since I don't know them personally, but God knows.

And I know God is big enough to change this situation.

Wait and See

I love this song...it's become one of my favorites. It gives me so much hope to know that I'm still a work in progress. :)

If only it were that easy

This morning, the kids and I were discussing a bible verse that Stephen learned in church yesterday (at least I think it was the one he learned, I'm not totally sure...so we discussed the one he was able to name). Anyway, talking about that verse led us into a discussion about Satan (actually, Stephen brought that up which is interesting because I don't think I've ever discussed Satan with them). We talked about how Satan wants to destroy us and all the good things that God is doing in us. We ended our discussion in a prayer, and when it was Zachary's turn, he ended his part with this:

"And dear God, please make the devil be good."

I love their innocence.

Everyone else is doing it

It seems like everyone's doing a bullet point post, so why shouldn't I? I do need to fit in to the bloggy world, right? ;)

• Potty training's going well with M-A. He's got the tee-teeing down pat. #2's not great, but he's had a few successes. He is, however, in underwears full-time during the day. He's still in diapers at night and nap, but that's because I'm not brave enough to do undies at night. He wakes up dry 95% of the time, but he's still in a crib, so we'll cross that bridge when we get there.
• Like I said, Marc-Adam's still in his crib (which I'm hoping I can make last for a few more months at least), but we moved his crib into the boys' room this evening. We tried this once before, but put him in the toddler bed. That went over like a lead balloon, so this is round 2. So far, they're all in there being quiet, and I bet at least 2 of them are already asleep. I have 3 kids in one room. LOL! Ah, the joys of a large family in a small house.
• So, you're probably wondering what's up with what used to be Marc-Adam's room. Well, obviously, it will be Evie's room. I wasn't opposed to having her share with one of her brothers for a little while (hopefully we'll be in a bigger house by the time it's important for her to have her own space), but if we can make this arrangement work, I think it's the best scenario for now. I'm flexible, though, and will mix things up again if we have to.
  
• Speaking of Evie's room, the bedding's here!. It came in and I picked it up from my mom today. Y'all, it's even better in person. It's so well-made, so plush and soft and pretty and girly and....it's just perfect. Mom and I found a lamp that we fell in love with at Target today, and if the colors match the lamp shade, we're so getting it. It's perfect.
• We've decided to go with pink for Evie's room, but I'm worried about that. I'm afraid of it being "too pink" or Pepto Bismol pink, or just nauseating pink. But we've got a limited number of shades to work with out of her bedding. Anybody have any experience painting a room pink? Care to share?
• I feel like this pregnancy has taken FOR.EV.ER. And I still have at least 16 weeks to go. This is by far the slowest pregnancy I've ever had.
  
• I've decided to ditch part of our homeschool curriculum. I've been agonizing over this for days now, but I think I've finally come to the conclusion. It's really a great curriculum, it's just not working for us right now, so we're going to shelve it. I definitely plan on pulling it out again when the kids get a little older, though. I think they'll like it better in a few years.
• So, until I figure out what else we're going to do, I guess we'll just be sticking with the 3 R's: reading, writing, and arithmetic. And lots and lots of play.
  
• Pray for Sweet Hubby if you're the praying sort. He's not been feeling well lately and went to the doctor on Wednesday. They drew a bunch of blood and so far all those tests have come back normal. He had a CT scan today, but we don't have the results of that yet. On the one hand, I'm glad the tests have come back normal so far, but on the other hand, he still feels awful and we have no idea why (and therefor no way to make him better). I would have rathered something come back abnormal in his blood tests than the CT scan. If the CT scan comes back abnormal, then that means there something going on in his head, and well, I don't have to tell you that that scenario's a bit scary. So pray that he either starts feeling better, or that we found out why he feels so crummy to begin with.
• That's all.
  

Thankful

We all have so much to be thankful for.

This morning I spent a little time with each child telling him that tomorrow was Thanksgiving and that I was thankful for him and I told each one what I loved about him. And it's more than just being thankful for my husband and kids. I'm thankful for what I have because of them. This love, this life is all because of what I have with them. God has been more than generous to me.

I look around and regardless of the crappy or scary things that are going on in my world and the larger world outside, I know that life is good. Life is good.

And I can't give enough thanks.

YAY YAY YAY!!!

On Dec. 12, me and 3 (out of the 4) of my favorite guys are gonna be here.



Did I mention YAY!?

What's the right way to pray during a time like this?

So it looks like the storm has indeed moved to the east a little and last I heard about our area, we may only be getting 60-75 mph winds. In which case, it still might be a little scary, but we might not even lose power. That's better than the eye passing right through us. I heard that some transformers are built to go out in 75 mph winds because those winds are strong enough to down power lines so if the lines do go down, there won't be live wires all over the place. That's smart. I wondered about that.

During all this I've been praying, but it feels a little sticky . Obviously, stranger things have happened, but let's face it, this storm isn't just going to go away. It's not going to just disappear from the gulf. So when I pray for us to not get a hit, I feel like I'm basically praying for it to be sent upon someone else. That just feels wrong. I don't want a direct hit or danger in my household, but I certainly don't want to wish it on someone else. So I've just started praying that no matter what happens, that my family is safe and that there is minimal damage to my home. Really, I just want this to pass fast enough that we can go on our big trip next week without having to think about whatever we're still dealing with after this storm. That's the goal.

Home again, home again, jiggety jig

Well, I'm so so pleased to let you know that my cousin and her husband were able to bring baby Alex home yesterday. We are all so relieved that he's better and finally where he belongs...home with his wonderful family! Thanks to all of you who kept Alex and his family in your thoughts and prayers. I appreciate it and I know his mama and daddy do, too.

Keep praying

I haven't posted an update on my cousin's baby yet because things haven't really gotten much better, but they haven't gotten worse. It seems that everytime the clouds start to clear, there's another little setback. The docs were talking about releasing him the end of this week, but then the doctor noticed he was using his tummy muscles to breath. And she won't let him go home until he quits doing that. But the great news is that he's now breathing air room with no help and his mama and daddy have gotten to hold him, feed him and change his diaper. So there's some bonding going on. Yay!

So keep praying for Alex to get healthy and come home soon. We all can't wait to get our hands on him! :)

Finding my place to be happy

For the last few years I've been struggling with the question, "Am I doing enough?" in regards to serving our church and serving God, more specifically. I've felt restless and useless and incapable of doing more than I was already doing. At church, I joined things and volunteered for things and none of it felt right or the opportunities fell through or I just couldn't make it work, no matter how badly I wanted to do it. I prayed and prayed about where I was supposed to be serving God. I sing in the choir and that's working great for right now, but it has just not felt like it was enough. I wanted to be more involved in church....I've been getting so much out of it and I was feeling the need to give back. I wanted to get more involved in community outreach projects. I was asking God where he needed me and what I should be doing, but nothing ever happened. Like I said, as I tried to find more places to plug in and get involved, things just didn't work out.

And then one morning, I woke up and it occurred to me: As Christians, we don't just serve God through our church or community. We can also serve God by serving those that he places in our lives. Duh. I have this man whom I love for my husband and these children I adore as my sons and what blessings they are! I can see how they are exactly the right people for me to be surrounded by. It's taken me longer than I'd like to admit to see it, but I finally realize that for this season in my life I can serve God simply by loving and blessing and serving within my own four walls. God has blessed me with this beautiful family and I can give back to him by loving and supporting my husband and by nurturing, guiding and teaching my children. He loves them just as much as he loves the people in my church that I wanted to serve and just as much as the people in the community that I wanted to reach out to. And I can be a blessing by letting most of my focus go to my family. I can finally tell myself, IT'S OKAY. And I can finally be happy with that.

Prayer request

I mentioned in a post last week that my cousin (who goes by BJ when she comments on my blog) was having her baby this week. Well, she did. Sweet Baby Alex was born yesterday morning. But he's had a bit of a rocky start and now I'm asking you to pray for him. I don't have too many details of it all, but I'm fairly certain his condition is not critical, however he and his mama (and daddy and brother and sister, too) could certainly use some extra prayers. He took his first breath before he was all the way out, and ended up inhaling some fluid and now he's having a little bit of a rough time. Pray for him if you're the praying sort and I'll update you when the situation changes. Thanks!

Lessons learned

Lately, Stephen and I have had several talks about what it means to be in control of our words and "taming our tongues". He has a habit of just talk-talk-talking all.day.long, especially when he's mad or upset. He talks so much that he frequently says things he shouldn't. When he gets to that point, he "loses the privilege to talk" for a while and must keep all thoughts and comments to himself. It's been fairly effective in making him think about what he wants to say instead of just saying anything that comes to mind. But it's definitely a work in progress and I realize that it's a lesson learned over time and with a dash of maturity.

So. Last week, I had a huge blister on the inside of my lip. It hurt to talk. And now that it's all healed up, I have some kind of sore on my tongue on the opposite side of where the blister was. Now it really hurts to talk. So much so, that I try my hardest not to. And when I do, I talk funny and everyone's been asking me to repeat myself. They don't get a second chance, because I'm not opening my mouth again. I only say things that are truly important and need to be heard. It's been a nice little lesson, because I think I might be figuring out where Stephen gets his diarrhea of the mouth verbosity.

A few days ago, Sweet Hubby and I saw a friend from church in the grocery store. We stopped and chatted for a while. As we were walking away, I slapped my forehead and asked Hubby if I talk too much. He said no, but I'm thinking he was probably wisely avoiding the landmine I had just laid out for him. The thing is, I often walk away from conversations slapping my forehead and wanting to kick my own behind because I felt like I talked too much. There have more times than I can count that I have yelled at my self internally, "Just SHUT UP already!!"

So, because of this monster on my tongue, I've lost the privilege to talk. Interesting, huh? I talk to the kids all day long, and most of it is important. We talk about all sorts of things and Stephen has been asking lots of questions lately, especially questions about God. So we have to talk. But outside of those conversations, I'm seeing how much I say that is unimportant. I'm filling their ears with nothing but words, and they are reflecting that. I had no idea that I had a need to tame my own tongue. I get it now. It's definitely something that I need to work on.

Let's just hope that the kids don't catch on too quickly and start to take advantage of this.

Wow, did I just say that?

Stephen and I were having a "teachable moment" this afternoon and I caught myself saying this:

Stephen, there are times when we're really angry or upset or things seem really bad and we don't feel like praying. Those times when it's hardest to pray are the times when we need to pray the hardest.

I was pretty impressed with myself. That's pretty deep for me.

To baby or not to baby?

That is the question.

I've really been struggling with this lately. For some reason, I feel like we need to make the decision now, or at least very soon, about whether or not we are going to have more children.

On the one hand, I look at my boys, and they fill up our lives so much. They are busy and boisterous and fun. We've gotten in to quite a routine around here, especially Sweet Hubby and I. It takes us very little time to get out the house and when we are out, we work really well together keeping the kids together and getting everyone taken care of. Marc-Adam will be out of diapers within the year, I think. And soon, it will be easier to get serious about homeschooling--once he gets a little older and is better able to sit and be entertained by whatever activity we are doing. (For the last several months, he's just been whining and screaming and tearing things off the table when we try to do school.) It's hard to imagine getting to that point and then starting all over again with a little one. I also consider my pregnancies. I border on narcolepsy when pregnant. The fatigue is killer. It's gotten worse with each pregnancy, I guess because with each pregnancy, I have more responsibility than I did with the pregnancy before. I also have to deal with gestational diabetes. And the chance of morning sickness. That seems like a lot to think about when these days, I'm lucky to get two meals and a shower in one day. Once in a while, I take a look in the rearview mirror of my van, or around my dining room table, I look at the sweet faces that fill me with so much love and joy and I think, "This is so good....this could be complete."

On the other hand....well, on the other hand is my heart. There are many more days when I think that there's no way our family is complete. I look at the faces of my boys and it's hard for me to imagine what my life was like before them. For a long time after Z was born, Sweet Hubby wasn't sure he wanted a third. Finally we decided that we would have a third child. I look at Marc-Adam and I can't believe what we would have missed out on if we had the decision the other way. I don't want to miss out the next little person, either. I realize that that way of thinking could get us in a situation like this, and while I admire that family, that's not where I think our family is headed. For so long, I thought that we had at least 1 more child in our future, maybe even 2. But the further away we get from babyhood, the more I'm starting to wonder.

Complicating things even more is Sweet Hubby. Usually his head and heart are in agreement. He may have them decided one way for a long time and then change his mind, but he always has it made up one way or the other. But he's feeling the same way as I am. We had a long discussion about it yesterday. We have a lot to consider. And it's not a decision we'll run into lightly. We also realize we're not the only ones making the plans. So, after we talked about it for a while, we decided we were both going to spend some time in prayer about it. It seemed silly that we both were struggling with this decision and not even thinking to pray about it.

I also don't want to let Marc-Adam get too old before we try again. Me still being in my mid-20s, I have plenty of time. But I honestly don't want Marc-Adam to be 4 0r 5 and then start all over again. So I feel like we should be making this decision and doing something about within the next year or so. The original plan was to try for a Spring '09 baby. That thought scares me now. It doesn't scare me as much as it did 3 or 4 months ago, but maybe that's just because M-A is getting a little easier to deal with.

So that's the question. And I just don't know the answer. I want an answer. I don't want to spend the rest of child-bearing years asking that question.

My Journey

I haven't talked/posted much about the spiritual retreat I went on a few weeks ago. I suppose it took a while to process it all and I have had other, more pressing issues at hand. But now that I'm outside of the experience there and am applying it to my real life, I can honestly say that it's changed my life as I see it.

Before this retreat, I struggled with this tiny voice on a running loop in the back of my head telling me that I was not good at anything, I was unlovable, I was a failure, I would never do anything significant, and that I would never really matter. I don't know where "The Voice" came from or when it started, but it went on and on all the time, until I believed it and had begun to really loathe myself. I also struggled with some serious doubts and questions in my faith. I felt like, even though I wanted to, I couldn't really believe in anything firmly because I had too many doubts and far too many questions. So I felt like a fake, going to church and talking to my kids about God. But I wanted to be there and I wanted to have what I perceive other people to have. And honestly, I thought that I thought that God loved me, but I discovered that I never really did know it deep down. I thought that my inability to become closer to God was because of my doubts. I thought that God didn't really want me to be close or that I didn't deserve to be close to him because I couldn't say that I believed everything that I was supposed to believe without a doubt.

But it turns out, that wasn't it at all. It turns out that I had convinced myself so deeply that I was not good enough (for no particular reason at all) that I didn't think it was possible for God to love me like I've heard people say that he loves his children. I thought that it applied to everyone else, but I just wasn't good enough. No matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried I was never able to accomplish the relationship with God that I wanted. I was just using my doubts as an excuse.

About a week after I returned from the retreat (and things started to settle down around here), I was laying in bed praying one night and I realized there was silence in my head. Silence. The Voice had been silenced. I finally accepted God's love for myself and The Voice had nothing else to say about me. Because I know God loves me, and even if I never accomplish a single thing in my life ever again, God loves me. And the questions I have? They're still there. I still wonder and doubt. But that's okay, because it doesn't matter anymore. I realized that I don't have to know for sure every thing I wanted to know. Because I know the one thing that many people never get a chance to realize in this life. God loves me exactly as I am. And nothing I do or say or is going to add to that or take away from it. It's just there. And life will be much easier if I accept it and embrace it. And I have. Finally.

I have to end with a quote from one of the kids' Veggie Tales books:

God loves you, too, and he wants you to know, he's right there beside you, where ever you go.