Did I really just say that??

An example of a lazy tired mom--or maybe I'm just being frugal:

Stephen (who's been eating us out of house and home lately) came and asked me if he could have a piece of bread. I told him yes and he went to help himself. After he got his bread, he came to me and said, "Mom, it's hard" and started knocking it on the table. In my defense, it didn't actually make a knocking sound, but I knew it was harder than he likes to eat.

But being the kind of mom I am, I told him, "Well....just pretend it's toasted."

I can't believe I said that.

Oops.

Last night, the entire family was in here in the bedroom with me while I was doing some e-mails on the computer. I glanced over and realized that Zachary had our closet door open and was peeking into the mirror that's on the inside of the closet door. I suddenly remembered that we still had a few Christmas gifts left in there that we don't plan on wrapping and immediately and loudly told him to shut the door. I startled him, which was my intention, and he quickly shut it. He then walked up to me all grins and informed that earlier in the day while Stephen had been playing on the computer, he spied a batman scooter and he said he walked up to look and saw it WAS a batman scooter. There's a batman scooter in there mama! Sweet Hubby starts telling Z to be quiet and quit talking about it like he was afraid that Z was going to let the secret go. But the secret was already gone. So I said, "Well, it's for HIM!" Zachary's eyes lit up, "The batman scooter's for ME?!"

We had a good laugh and Z didn't stop grinning and talking about it all night long. I told him that he should try to forget so that he would be surprised on Christmas morning and he said, "I AM surprised, mama!"

I'm glad he's so happy about it. I'm also glad that we weren't trying to reserve this for a Santa gift because we would be so screwed right now.

Sweet Hubby remembers when he found out about Santa--after he spied his wrestling ring playset in his parent's closet and then got it from Santa for Christmas.

Believe it or not, this actually IS worth blogging about

For a while now, Sweet Hubby has been encouraging me to try my hand at cooking fish. If you know me at any level, you should know that my dislike--no, hatred--of anything that at one point lived in the water runs deep. Fish hate runs through my blood and is much a part of me as my brown hair and brown eyes. But to humor him, I've tried twice in the last 7.5 years of our marriage to cook--and eat--fish. Neither time turned out well. In fact, the last time I made it, not only did I want to run screaming from the dinner table, no one else would touch it.

But he's been working on me for a while now to try again. He pulled out the big guns last week when he reminded me how healthful and "good for you" fish is. Well that did it. I know how healthy fish is, but to know that he knows how good it is and still wants to eat it means I should take advantage of that opportunity.

So. Today was our big grocery run. I actually put fish on the menu for tonight's dinner. I actually went to the grocery store with fish in mind, and actually walked up to seafood counter (trying my hardest not to gag as I rang the bell) and placed my order. Then, I actually drove home with *shudder* fish in my car. And then. I cooked it. And y'all...I ate it.

*Pausing to let my parents and dear friends pick themselves up off the floor.*

I made tilapia. I baked it in lemon butter and Mrs. Dash. It turned out well and I ate all of it (although, very reluctantly). The kids even ate it and at one point Stephen proclaimed that I was the best fish maker in the world. It wasn't terribly "fishy" and that helped tremendously. It's that yucky fishy smell and flavor that makes me shudder and gag at just the thought (I literally had to stop typing that last sentence so I could shudder and gag at the thought of the fishy smell).

I ate fish.

And now my melodrama is over.

At least I wasn't wearing white

We went to a wedding this past weekend for a cousin of Sweet Hubby. Normally, I love weddings, but not this time. And it wasn't because of anything about the wedding.

I agonized over what I was going to wear. I didn't want to be overdressed, but I also wanted to dress up a bit. This couple is only getting married once, and it's not very often that Sweet Hubby and I get to dress up and go somewhere just the two of us. I had decided to wear this cute cute outfit of a top and skirt. Then at the last minute, I changed my mind to wear a cotton dress. It's a pretty dress and it looks really cute with a certain pair of shoes.

So we get to the wedding, say hi to a few of the people that we know, and right in the middle of a conversation it suddenly hits me like a mack truck that I wore that same dress to the wedding shower six weeks before. Now, I know that may not sound like a big deal to some of you, but it was a huge deal to me. I rarely see most of the people that were at the wedding. The last time I saw them was at the wedding shower. I probably won't see them again until the next wedding in that side of the family. They probably wouldn't have remembered what I wore to the shower if I had worn something different to the wedding, but I'm convinced that they knew that I wore that dress the last time they saw me. And I was so self-conscious about it the rest of the night. Drrrr. And as much as I love that dress, I'll forever have to think about when I wore it last every time I take it out of the closet.

You know you've been spending too much time with your kids when....

....you use words like "potty" and "night-night" in conversation with other adults.

Yeah.

Oh, the chaos. It must end.

So y'all. My house. It is such a mess. And not just now. Always. I just don't know how to make it not be so. It's such a delicate balance between housewife/homemaker and SAHM/homeschooler. Those things, in my mind, are two totally separate jobs. Just because I'm a SAHM does not necessarily mean that I'm also a housewife. But I think that logic might be just my way of justifying the fact that I suck at housewifely duties. The cleaning and the cooking and the decorating and such, it's all so unnatural to me. If it weren't for these three little boys that I love so dearly, surely I would be destined to live a life of total simplicity and have a job which requires NO organizational skills or the ability to make order out of chaos. If I had had some forethought, I would have taken some pictures of my living room before I straightened up this afternoon. I could take some pictures of the rest of the house to show you, but then I'd have to shut down my blog, take my children and move in to hiding because then I could never have contact with or look any of you in the eye ever again.

I suppose I AM making progress. I'm actually getting slightly better in the kitchen. I'm actual starting to enjoy my own cooking and the process of cooking. Even if the rest of my family still doesn't enjoy my meals, at least I do now. And I have meal planning and grocery shopping down to an art. I am proud of that. What's more, I actually enjoy that.

A while back, I also started a Flylady inspired "control journal"/household notebook of sorts. It's still unorganized and things fall out and stick out of it all over the place (oh the high school flashbacks!), but it's all there in one spot, and I do use it several times a week at least.

But everything else is just an unorganized mess. Behind every door and in every cabinet and drawer is evidence that things are getting out of control. I keep thinking that if we just had a little extra spending money I could go to Wal*Mart or (the mother-ship) IKEA to get some Stuff to help get me organized. But really, y'all, I think it's me that's the problem. Not my lack of Stuff. I probably have plenty of shelf space and tote things and storage space to make sense of our home. I just have no idea how to get from Point "No really, we just got hit by a freak indoor tornado" to Point "Yes, we have everything under control and know exactly where a pair of scissors and a flashlight (WITH WORKING BATTERIES) are in case you should need either of those during your visit". I'm a grown-up now. With a family and responsibilities and such. My house should not look like just a larger version of my childhood bedroom (which, by the way, was also a nightmare).

And I won't even get into the actual cleanness of my home. I've tried every kind of routine and schedule you can imagine. I can't make anything stick (I could, however, make a routine stick if I just dropped it underneath the kitchen table....everything else gets stuck to the floor down there). There just doesn't seem to be enough time to do everything that I think should be done. And it's more important to me that I spend a lot of time with my kids than it is for my baseboards to be swept or my windows to be cleaned. I did talk to Sweet Hubby about this and we decided that we would take one day a week when he is off to actually CLEAN the house, not just straighten up. Once we get it relatively clean (considering we have three perpetually clumsy, sticky boys), I don't think it'll take more than a couple of hours one morning a week to get the whole family working to clean the house. So I'm hopeful (and grateful to Hubby that he seemed totally onboard) about that. I do get the boys to help as much as I can now, but they are about as good at the cleaning jobs as I am. So not much happens. But hopefully, with the new plan, I won't have to worry (or feel guilty) about it anymore and I can focus on the dishes, the laundry, the straightening up (all of which the boys help with) and just spending time with the kids and homeschooling.

But in order to start really feeling good about it all, I feel like I have to get the house straight, clean, and organized to start with. I have no idea how that's going to happen. I did get quite a bit done today while the kids were with my ILs, but there's still SO MUCH left to do. It's a tad overwhelming. Actually, it's a lot overwhelming. I want to tackle it and change and be better about the housework and the organization thing. And there are times where I put my mind to it and attempt to be better. But then I feel like I'm forcing myself to be something I'm just not and I always fail. I've prayed about this quite a bit. And I think that's where the small improvements (with the menu-planning and household notebook) have come from. But I still need big improvements.

Like a maid.

I'm not a lazy person. Why is this so hard?

You know you are a tired mother of 3 young kids when....

...the oldest child tells you that the youngest child has somehow gained possession of the bag of Goldfish crackers and is eating out of it and you don't go find him to take it away from him before he dumps the whole thing. Instead, you just blog about it.

Y'all, I'm just. tired.

I'm so frustrated and tired and....I don't know what else. I feel like I'm at the brink of cracking. The last few days I've just felt like I don't know if I can do this for one more second.

We're back to having problems with Stephen. We've had a really hard week, and beyond the frustration of his behavior, I feel like it's putting a strain on our relationship because I don't really like him right now. And I'm sure he doesn't like me because I've lost my cool more than a few times this week. I'm not handling this round of negative behavior as well as the first round. So on top of everything else that I'm feeling, add guilt. Because I feel like I'm wasting time being so frustrated and angry with him. But I certainly can't feel or act like everything's roses, because it's not. Everytime we "fight", it's like I've put a chink in our relationship, in his trust for me, in his ability to be a normal, loving, well-adjusted human being. I can't handle the feeling that everything I do is going to affect who he is and what he does for the rest of his life. Does anyone understand?

And, y'all. I just want to be able to put the children to bed for the night, and crawl in to my bed and sleep all night. But that hasn't happened in over a month and a half. And now they've broken the air mattress I sleep on. Two nights ago, I slept on the air mattress anyway, and by the time I woke up at some point in the night, I was also sleeping on the floor. Lemme tell you how fun that was.

I sit here in tears because I just love that child so much and I hate what's happening. I hate that I don't like him. I hate that so much of my energy goes into disciplining and coaxing and, I have to admit, yelling. I hate that I see that reflected in how he handles everything else....the anger.

I just want things to go back to normal. I don't know how to get there.

I took Stephen to the store yesterday to let him pick out several toys/movies to use as motivation for him to stay in his room while I slept in mine. He picked out some cool stuff. The idea was that he would get one every few days if he stayed in bed all night, and we would work up to the big toys. And then I told him that if he could stay in bed 2 full weeks, we would have a party. I meant it, too. I seriously would want to throw a party if we made it 2 full weeks. I told him that if he couldn't stay in his bed without me being in there, then I was going to take all his toys back so that we could afford a new air mattress. However, we didn't make it one night. I ended up in his room (in bed with Zachary, actually, and sleeping with a three year old has got to be something like sleeping with a large octopus) at about 2am. That's when he told me, "It's okay, Mama. You can take it all back. That's okay." GRRRR!!!! That's SO NOT the point!! I fussed and complained...I didn't go to bed till almost 1am and I was beginning to get dizzy I was so tired. And then I forgot that I had told my neighbor that I would take her daughter to school today so she called and woke me up before 7am. And given that I felt like I was on the brink of losing it altogether yesterday, when I was relatively well-rested and not cranky, I can't imagine what today will bring. I can't stop praying for God's grace and mercy.

A friendly Public Service Announcement

When attempting to steam vegetables, it is wise to actually use, you know, water. Not doing so may result in a ruined pot, ruined vegetables, a smelly house and well, you may just piss yourself off.

Not that I have any experience with this particular situation, though. I just thought I'd pass that little helpful tidbit along.

I'm tired, I'm bored and I 've got kinks in my leg!

*Updated at the bottom of this post*

(Ten totally useless points to whoever can name which classic story that title line is from....)

(something about that first sentence just sounds completely grammatically incorrect...but it stays)


I feel like a whine. And I will take one because it's my blog and I can whine if I want to.

Okay, so I'm not really bored and there aren't kinks in my leg, yet, but when I read that story to the kids, I say that line in a really whiny little voice that seemed to fit my mood for the last few days.

I love Christmas time and I've actually really been enjoying it with the kids, but I've just been so tired and cranky lately. I know what my problem is. I've been busy trying to get Christmas stuff done so my house is a mess, we haven't done school in two weeks (I think we needed a little break) and I feel completely unproductive because I spend most of my day putting out fires (aka: referee-ing fights, cleaning up spilled milk, changing the channel, plugging in a movie, getting snacks, putting shoes on tiny people so they can play outside....the list goes on). If I feel like things are piling up on me, I shut down, stare at the mess and whine about it.

I'm working on apron for a Christmas gift. And I'm mad at it. I've had to take the thing apart and redo it three times already. And now I've got the whole thing assembled minus the pockets (and, oh, if I can get the pockets on right it will just be so stinkin' cute that it's a good thing the fabric's not my style because I might keep it and have to go buy a gift for the person I'm making it for) and I'm wondering how in the world I'm going to get the pockets on. You see, I had to gather the apron at the waistband (that was my first time gathering in a sewing project, I've tried to avoid it) and now I don't know how to get the apron part flat enough to get the pockets on. And if I did get it flat enough, I don't know how they would look once I got them on. And this is a dilemma for which I need my entire brain and with kids fighting, asking me questions or trying to pants me by using my jammie pants to stand up, I just can't put my whole brain in to it. I tried last night, but the apron and I had been with each other all day long and we were starting to give each other dirty looks so it was time that we spent some time apart. But if I can get it done to my liking, I'm just going to be so excited.

Which brings me to my next point. I love sewing. I don't think I knew how much I loved to sew until I pulled out my machine and fabric a couple weeks ago when I started thinking about making some Christmas gifts. I haven't sewed since Marc-Adam was born. There just doesn't seem to be enough time in the day/money in the budget for me to be able to do it as often as I like. I'm hoping I can whip up a few things to sell so that I can go buy more fabric and patterns and that maybe, maybe, I can start selling stuff I make so that I can keep doing it.

And for my next whine, I'd like to present my children. Whom I love dearly. But I want to hide from them. If I hear "Yeah, but...." one more time as response to something I've told them, they might be wanting to hide from me. I know that there's a possibility that our parenting might have gotten us to this point, but I've never let their arguing get them what they want. And ever since this backtalk/"Yeah but"/arguing phase began a few weeks ago, I've made darn sure that they don't get anywhere with it. I don't know what else to do....but the whining and arguing must stop before I collapse into a little heap on the floor. And surrender.

Lately, no matter how much sleep I get, I feel this uncontrollable urge to lay down and take a nap about 3:30. And yesterday, I sat on the couch to watch the Grinch with the kids, and fell asleep sitting up. When I woke up, Marc-Adam was in a completely different room from when I fell asleep and neither of the kids were sitting next to me like they were when I was awake. Zachary came running up to me saying, "YOU'RE AWAKE!!" I missed most of the Grinch!! Which means I had to have been asleep for about 20 minutes! While I was supposed to be taking care of my children!!

And then yesterday evening, we were driving to meet my in-laws, and Stephen wanted to take a little detour to look at this one house with a bunch of lights. I know I didn't fall asleep because, oh my word, how scary is that, and obviously we were safe, but I zoned out or something because all of the sudden I came back to earth and realized and I had no idea where we were. Thankfully, it's a small town, so I was able to drive a little further toward something familiar, but not after zoning out a couple more times and taking turns I didn't intend to take. It was so weird and scary.

But I have a great weekend to look forward to. I'm leaving for a few days to stay with my folks because I've got rehearals tonight and tomorrow night and the concert on Friday night for our church's Christmas musical-thingy. Even though it's only 25 minutes away, my parents live much closer to our church than we do and we don't want to have to spend that much gas making that trip 4 times in 5 days so we're spending a long weekend with them (which is really my cover for not wanting to look at or deal with my messy house for a few days). So I have the concert Friday night in which I'm singing a duet of "In the Bleak Midwinter". I love that song and it should be pretty. But, last I heard, the guy I'm supposed to be singing it with had a bad upper respiratory infection....so our plans might change a bit. Stephen's also singing with the children's choir in that concert and he's just so cute standing up there with all the other kids. I can't wait to see how he does at the actual concert. We will definitely have the camera going just in case he does something to win us $10,000. Saturday, my mom and I are taking a girls' day and going to finish up the rest of our Christmas shopping. We haven't done that in what seems like forever, so I'm really looking forward to that.

Monday, I think I might join in on BooMama's tour of homes. I was going to post pictures of our Christmas stuff just for fun earlier this week, until I saw what she was doing with the tour of homes. So I think I'll do that instead of doing it all on my own.

So there's lots to look forward to. Let's hope it can jolt me out of my doldrums.

Love all around.

*Update: I had to start fresh with the apron. I think I worked on it too long yesterday, because when I started working on it this morning, I realized I had done most of it all wrong. It was partly my fault and partly because the pattern instructions were so wacky (it's a new pattern I've never used before). I'm able to keep the pockets I had before--as far as I know those are right--but everything else needs to be re-done. And since I had to take the other pieces apart so much yesterday, I figure I'm better off just starting fresh with new pieces. I'll post a pic when it's done.

An indication of my cooking...and why no one eats it.

While I was making lunch the other day, Stephen walked in, took a look around, glanced at the stove where lunch was cooking, walked out and said to himself:


"Hope it doesn't catch on fire again."



Gee. Thanks.

It's bad news when waffles can take you down a notch

Last weekend, I made soup. Not just any soup. I took some to my neighbor and she called to tell me it was the best soup she ever had. And y'all, it was good. So good that I kept burning my tongue because I couldn't wait till it cooled off. So good that the baby even ate 3 bowls (veggies and all). I was feeling pretty good about my culinary creation. I didn't even use a recipe. I was thinking to myself, "Hey, I'm gettin' pretty good at this cooking thing. It's about time!"



And then.

I made waffles. Correction: I attempted to make waffles. What I really made was this:



Perhaps I should have given you some warning in case you are eating or getting ready to eat. Just the picture could induce loss of appetite. It was gross. It didn't even taste good. And I won't go into why it turned out that way. Let's just say it was, um, human error. What you see there, wouldn't even come off the waffle iron. It had to soak for 2 days and even then I had to use a fork to scrape it all out. Bummer.

So I'm not so impressed with myself anymore. I got too cocky I guess. I'm back to making fun of my cooking and everyone else is back to not eating it.

Maybe I'm not smart enough to homeschool...

I was browsing through a homeschool classifieds website just a bit ago and found an ad for Bob Books. We have two sets already that Stephen has been learning to read with. I got them at a garage sale a couple months ago. They've been working really well for us and for the most part, he likes them. So I thought I'd inquire about the ad to see if they were still available and which titles were in the set. The publishers have changed the way the sets are leveled and I always get confused (but that's fairly easy to do). Ours are leveled Set A and Set 2, I think. After I sent the e-mail to find out more, I went to the Bob Book website to find out which books are in what sets. And now I feel really bad. One of the sets we have is the very first set. I knew that. But the other "Set 2" is actually the FOURTH set of books--compound words. There are a full 24 books between the last set he read and the one he's reading now! Considering that, he's actually doing a fantastic job, but I feel like I've made him start reading these harder books without giving him a better foundation for reading. I thought these books seemed to be quite a bit more difficult, but I thought since he was doing okay with them that maybe that's how the Bob Books worked.

I feel really bad. Next thing you know, I'll be asking him to do trigonometry next week after he learns to add.

There's really no good title for something this random

*sigh* I just can't keep up anymore! I haven't been blogging much because I've been trying very very hard to get my house in order. And it just ain't hap'nin. I really don't feel like I have much to blog about, though. So here are a few random thoughts.

We're home now for good. And Sweet Hubby has worked 40 hours in the last three days. I'm kind of seeing what it would have been like if I had stayed home during those six weeks he was gone. His boss told him to reassure me that after this week, it won't be like that anymore. I'm having a hard time believing that with Christmas right around the corner.

Marc-Adam is obsessed with the toilet. I'm just sayin' because I had to stop blogging for a minute to go fish him out of the toilet. I have to be very careful these days to keep the lid down or keep the door closed. I have to stay on top of the kids all day to make sure they put the lid down or close the door. He's also obsessed with the sound of the flush. If I put the lid down, he just goes over to the side to flush it. Over and over again. I'll admit...the toilets are not the cleanest thing in my house. And it just grosses me out to find him elbow deep in potty water.

And speaking of not being clean, I'm desperate to find some kind of cleaning/household routine to help me stay on top of this mess that we've mortgaged. I've tried FlyLady and the routines at Menus4Moms. Honestly, I find FlyLady a little too sugary and "in your face" with all her "purple puddles" and "Finally loving yourself" and testimonials and baby steps. It's just too much. I just want someone to lay out a decent cleaning routine for me because obviously I'm completely incapable of doing it myself. And I need more hand-holding right now than I get from M4M. So as it stands right now, I'm just trying to make sure we don't lose the kids in the laundry or break our legs tripping over the toys.

I bought our math curriculum. I got it off eBay, but ended up spending about what I spent for it brand new. Duh. I just got too wrapped up in the excitement, I guess. Oh well. But at least we'll have it and I just need to get the manipulatives now.

We've hit the Accountable Kids wall. I heard Stephen saying under his breath the other day, "I wish we didn't have to have those silly tickets...". LOL! But at least the tickets are the bad guys, not me. He hasn't figured out saving tickets, yet. He spends them on a TV show as soon as they hit his hot little hand. And then by the end of the day, he's mad because he doesn't get to watch one of his favorite shows. He's actually still excited about getting his chores done, I think he's just resentful that he has to have a ticket to enjoy the TV. And Zachary just does whatever Stephen does.

Most of you that read this know by now that Zachary does not have Celiac Disease. He doesn't even carry the gene. However, he is strongly predisposed to gluten sensitivity, but the tests showed that he doesn't seem to have any signs of it right now. So we've been enjoying real bread and meals out. But this also means we're back at square one with his eczema. He's still having flare ups. I've taken to wrapping one of his ankles/knees every night (I alternate) over a combination of Aveeno and Aquaphor. That's helped a lot as far as the thick, scaly skin, but the next day, the leg that I didn't wrap is all dry and flaky again (I'm planning on buying another wrap to be able to wrap both legs every night). And he's compulsive about getting the dry skin off and does it in his almost-3-year-old way....by scratching until he's bloody. I can't seem to get his fingernails short enough.

Very soon, I'll be posting some new pictures of the boys. They're very cute. Slightly tacky, but cute nonetheless.

Ketchup packets are NOT a food group

Yesterday, my mom and the kids and I went to Chick-fil-a for lunch. While we were getting the kids set up with their lunches, Marc-Adam got a hold of an unopened ketchup packet and started sucking on it. I let him play with it for a few seconds and then took it away and distracted him with a bit of banana and moved everything out of his reach. When we were all just about done, he started gagging and choking a bit on what I thought was a piece of chicken. Then it seemed like he got it worked out. So I gave him another bite. He started choking again. I gave him a few seconds to see if he could work it out and when it was clear he wasn't getting out (because he wasn't breathing) I got him out of the highchair, turned him almost upside down and started beating on his back. A piece of chicken fell out and he started breathing again. I thought all was right. But then he starts gagging and choking again. At this point I'm a little more than freaked out and I was just getting ready to start hollering to see if someone could help, because obviously I couldn't handle this on my own. Just then I get a glimpse of something in the back of the roof his mouth. Against everything that I've been told about a choking baby, I did a sweep of his mouth and yielded.....a pointy corner of a ketchup packet! Not off the one he had been sucking on, though. I have no idea where (or when!) he got it from. I don't even tear the corners off the ketchup packets when I open them.

His lunch was over after that.

Then yesterday afternoon, he crawls into the kitchen where I am with something obviously in his mouth. Before I can get to him I see it's something sparkly and when I dig it out (which thouroughly ticked him off) it's my wedding ring. I had taken it off while putting lotion on Zachary and then the phone rang and jumped up to get it and left my ring on the floor.

It was a great day for me as a mom yesterday.

Cheetos are a food group, right?

You know it's time for a trip to the grocery store when the kids eat Koala Crisp (kind of like cocoa pebbles, but gluten free) and cheetos for dinner.

And then the next day they have tater tots and bananas for breakfast.

And the next day they have mashed potatoes and yogurt for breakfast.

Funny thing is...I still haven't gone to the grocery store except to get milk...and the aforementioned bananas and yogurt. I can't imagine what they would have eaten if I hadn't gotten those!

(I have to add that the reason I didn't do actual grocery shopping when I picked up the milk, bananas and yogurt was because I refuse to do real shopping at the grocery here in our town....$100 worth of groceries at any other store would be about $150-$175, so I only do pick up things we need immediately from that store.)

The Bullet Point Post

I have several things I've been meaning to blog about for a few days, so today you get the condensed version all of it in one big bullet point post! Please contain your excitement....

• For those of you that keep up with BooMama, you know how she was raving about Monk & Neagle. Well now I know what she was raving about!! I got one of their CDs that they were giving away! We listened to it last while I made dinner and even the kids were dancing along. I love this CD. I didn't get a real good chance to sit down and listen to the lyrics, but the melodies are just so cool. It's exactly the kind of music I adore and it's an awesome mood-lifter. Their CD is due out in September, so be sure to keep an eye out for it.

• I'm still unsure if I'm going to participate in Shannon's Dog Days of Summer Giveaway. I have nothing of interest to give away. I have until tomorrow I guess to get my rear in gear. I might come up with something.

• And in gluten-free news...I'm still on the hunt for the perfect GF bread. I have a few recipes I'm looking at, but the other day when I visited my friendly neighborhood Kroger, they didn't have some of the ingredients that I know they had when I was there the last time....stuff that I've seen in many of the recipes. So I'll see if I can make do with what I have. We tried Bob's Red Mill "Hearty Whole Grain" GF bread mix....let's just say that I'm now calling it the $4 experiment. It was not at all very good (of course, I'll admit, that human error probably didn't help) and the kids couldn't tolerate the texture. Stephen's words, as he was spitting his only bite into the trash, "Mo-om, it has NUTS in it!" After that Zachary wouldn't come anywhere near it. On the bright side, I think he's looking a little bit better. Here's what his knees looked like this morning:

• And here are some pictures of his feet from the first day and again this morning....we've had some ups and downs (I think his scratching is just a habit now), but there is definitely some improvement. The first picture is the first day, second is today:
  
  

• Given our new "lifestyle", I've been spending much more time in the kitchen. I already make all of Marc-Adam's baby food, which is time consuming all by itself, but now that I'm making almost everything else from scratch, it's alot more opportunity to really screw things up (which I'm prone to do, hence the name of the blog). So in the last 24 hours, I've spilled a mixture of water, oil, cider vinegar and eggs all over the new paint job on the cabinets and all over the new floor, I spilled a pot full of water all over the electric stove (and on the cabinets, rug and floor) and as I typed the beginning of this post, I forgot about the sweet potatoes steaming on the stove....and burned the cr@p out of the bottom of the pan (and probably ruined to potatoes) and made the whole house smell. The smell woke Stephen up...his room is at the far end of the house and the kitchen is at the other end of the house. It really stinks. And the bread I mentioned earlier? It might have been better had I put it on the right setting in the bread maker and NOT forgotten about it overnight.
  

• And because Alison asked--the kids and I were working on a little mini-project about rain and clouds the other day. After finishing, Stephen said he wanted to give his to Daddy. Zachary piped up that he wanted to give his to Auntie Alison (my best friend). Since she lives too far for us to give it to her (and since mailing it would destroy the idea) here it is:
  

• It's Blustery, The Cloud, in case you can't tell or it just looks a little creepy. Hey, he's 2.

• Marc-Adam is now crawling totally on hands and knees. And today he learned how to make motor boat noises. He's also starting to pull up in his crib which is going to require that his daddy lower the crib mattress so that mama can actually sleep without worrying that baby is going to take a header out of the crib.
  

And that concludes the exciting bullet point post.

Tsk, tsk

Remember this?

Well, he fell out of it today. Thank goodness that I haven't been putting him on the table or the countertop lately (since he's gotten so wiggly). I had him in it today while I was in the shower. I keep my eye on him the whole time I'm in the shower, but I leaned my head back to rinse the shampoo and that's when I heard the thud and the crying. Poor baby...he's fine, though. But in my efforts to comfort him, I may have gotten shampoo in his eye. *sigh* There goes any hope of Mommy of the Year award.

As if I ever had a chance.

Ringin' in the new year with a crash

I had hoped my first post of the New Year would be a reflection on the past year, and my hopes for the coming year. Bits and pieces of what I wanted to blog about have been floating in my head for days. I was looking forward to the start of the new year. I love the feeling a "new year" brings. I always loved the beginning of the school year when I was a kid. A clean slate. New teachers, new people to meet, new school supplies. A whole world of potential. Now as a "grown-up" I feel that way about the new year.

But lemme tell you how it started.

Last night, we spent the evening with my folks. We had a wonderful dinner, played fun games and ate an awesome dessert. We didn't make it to midnight (except for my dad who decided to go party with the neighbors after we all fell asleep), but I'm okay with that. We got up this morning and it was just as mornings should be...especially the first one of the year. Again we ate great food (a common theme in our family gatherings)....at one point, I thought, "This is exactly how life should always be....all of us gathered around the kitchen, chatting, laughing....my parents loving on my babies, my babies doing silly things to make me laugh, my Sweet Hubby smiling at me from across the table...." It was like something out of movie. We left there to go visit my in-laws. Again, it was a great time with them. It was a beautiful day and while the boys played outside, I sat and read. Later on, my mother-in-law asked if we all wanted to go Walmart, so the boys and I loaded up with her and we headed to town. She suggested slushies from Sonic after Walmart and the boys were all over that idea. After the errand at Walmart, we headed over to Sonic. And we almost made it there....almost.

After pulling through the intersection of the corner that Sonic is on, a woman in another van hit us. Hard. My mother-in-law banged her head on the seat belt adjuster thingy. The kids were fine, but Marc-Adam scared me by immediately falling asleep after it happened. And I did something that I'm so very ashamed of. After making sure the kids were okay (but before checking that my mother-in-law was okay) I hauled out of my van over to the woman in the other van and called her an ugly name and hollered at her that I had babies in my car.

I can't believe I did that. I can't believe I actually cussed at this stranger, who, although was slightly stupid for a second, had no idea that I had kids in my car and certainly had no intention of hurting me, my mother-in-law or my children. Who was I for that second?

I've spent the evening immersed in all different emotions, including guilt and shame. I seriously can not believe I behaved that way. I'd hate to try to explain what I was feeling at that moment for fear that it might sound like justification for my behavior. But I was mad. M-A-D MAD that someone could be so stupid and put my kids at risk. I was so scared for those few split seconds between the time of the crash and the time I knew that the kids were okay, and then I was just mad. And I feel so guilty for not checking on my husband's mother. She ended up calling 911 while I was hollering at the lady. My mother-in-law was bleeding from the head while I cussed at a stranger.

*sigh*

But it certainly has put things in perspective. Stephen, immediately after the accident, was still asking about his slushie from Sonic. Zachary was asking for his lovie. They are fine. Perfect. Beautiful. Absolutely healthy and safe and unharmed. Just a little bit after the accident, I was able to sit down and feed Marc-Adam. Things could have been so different.

So, I don't have a van for a few days. It leaked radiator fluid all over the intersection and the whole front-end is going to have to be redone and realigned. But the start of our new year is great. I'm sitting here blogging while all 3 of my sweet children sleep peacefully across the hall. My mother-in-law, while banged up and sore, is on her way home right now from the hospital. She's gonna be fine. The day and year started off with all the people I love most. And if I can get over who that person was that took over my body for a few seconds, I think I'll look past this accident soon. Or maybe not...it certainly has made me remember what's really important.

May God keep you and your loved ones healthy and safe as we enter another year.

And I'll be adding that post about my goals for the new year soon.

Somebody slap me...

...next time I decide to take all 3 children to the mall (45 minutes away) SEVEN days before Christmas. Seriously.

I'm not the brightest bulb on the tree this Christmas.

I decided that it would be a bright idea to pack up all 3 stooges, I mean, Sweet Boys and haul them (in the rain, I might add) to the mall this past Monday.

The really dumb thing? I wasn't even there to shop.

*sigh* I haven't left the house by myself with the 3 kids since M-A was born. Note to self: things like this should happen in baby steps. Not in big ambitious trips.

My dearest friend, Alison (HI ALISON!!), is in town from Dallas this week to visit her family. We decided to try to meet and I thought the mall with a play area would be a good meeting point. And it would have been, had I not brought all three kids, or had it not been the week before Christmas, or had I been smart enough to know that Zachary would want M&Ms in his ice cream, too.

The whole day was a comedy (I can call it that now) of errors. Starting with the rain and having to park nearly at home and ending with *almost* (and thank God it was *almost*) getting pulled over. And lots and lots of screaming, crying and cleaning up ice cream off the floor in between.

Any ideas as to when this gets better? I thought getting out of the house would solve our "cooped up in the house" issues. But it was much, much worse. Turns out, I had every reason to be very afraid of leaving the house by myself.