I am tired.

In case you were wondering about me, I had a fabulous weekend. The first evening and morning I was there, I wasn't sure that I had made the right decision by going. But by Sunday afternoon, I didn't want to leave. Actually I did want to come home and see my family, but I wanted to bring everyone else from the camp home with me. It was a wonderfully stretching experience for me (in more ways than one) and I feel like I'm a different person.

While there, I didn't cook, clean or wipe anyone's butt (praise God, since my children weren't there, lol). I didn't even think about what might be happening elsewhere in the world and it never occurred to me until this morning that I didn't watch Fox News for 4 days and I didn't even think about it! I ate more than I think I've eaten in the last month and the food was so so good.

One of the last things we talked about before we all departed the camp was the protective "bubble" we had been in for the last few days. It was mentioned that probably each of us had changed, but the world that we were returning to was probably very much the same and that at some point, our bubble would be popped. Someone was going to pop our bubble. As soon as that was said, I knew who was going to pop my bubble. And I was right. What I didn't expect was how and how soon.

All day Sunday I was looking forward to going home, hugging my children and putting them to bed so I could rest (I got about as much sleep this weekend as one would get in a youth group church camp) and decompress. But Stephen obviously had other ideas. He refused to sleep. He fought, and screamed and carried on for FIVE HOURS after we put them to bed. He did things and acted in ways that he never has before and that are totally out of his character. And as a result, I acted in ways I hadn't before and for a good part of the fight, I did not handle myself well. For about 2 hours, I acted totally calm and ignored him for a while. Sweet Hubby and I tag-teamed for a while, but it didn't seem to make a difference. And then the exhaustion hit me and I had had it. I think I was too rough with him. Finally, at about 2am, with Z in bed with Sweet Hubby and me sleeping in Z's bed, we all went to sleep. Marc-Adam woke us up a little before 9am, so we did get a good chunk of sleep, but it wasn't near what Stephen needed to make up for his antics last night.

He's spent the majority of the morning in his bed as punishment. He came out for breakfast and lunch. I did go in there and spend some time with him just he and I thinking that maybe all this behavior was result of his need to reconnect with me after me having been gone for four days. I told him that if he laid down and took a nap, that he could join us as normal in the living room after naps. But at naptime, he picked up right where he left off. The crying and screaming started over again and currently he's in my room with me and will be returning to his bed when the other 2 boys wake up from their nap.

Another layer to this is the fact that he and Z share a room. I don't know what to do about that because a lot of his screaming starts in his room. I'm thinking about moving Z into Marc-Adam's room (he seemed to sleep through most of the drama last night) for tonight so that Stephen won't bother them as much if he starts carrying on again tonight. Oh and I'm on my own tonight because Sweet Hubby won't be home till around 11pm.

I'm at a loss as what to do. I'm tired. Stephen's tired. At one point last night just before it all finally ended, I was speaking to him sternly with him standing up in front of me and he started falling asleep standing up. He has deep, dark circles under his eyes today. I didn't get a whole lot of rest this weekend and it was emotionally draining, which sometimes can make you even more tired than a weekend full of physical activity. I just want to rest and love on my kids and spend time with them and be peaceful. But now I'm just more tired, mad, and not at all peaceful. I have loved on them, but most of the time I've been home has been filled with the power struggles with Stephen. I have no idea how to react to him. He's saying ugly, hateful things that he's never said before and none of the usual consequences matter. I don't like him very much right now. I'm trying to be graceful, but this problem needs to be fixed and I don't know how to fix it.

Mommy's gettin' a vay-cay

I'm going to be away from my computer for a few days starting tomorrow morning, so I won't be blogging. I feel the need to tell you that lest you think I'm actually near my computer--and not blogging. Because I wouldn't want to mislead you.

I'm going on a sort of spiritual retreat. And I'd like to be spiritually mature enough to tell you that I'm looking forward to growing in my relationship with God and learning better how to serve Him. And I am looking forward to that. But really, y'all. The main thing that's been on my mind when I think about the 4 WHOLE DAYS that I'm going to be gone is that I might actually be able to have a full adult conversation and eat an entire hot meal without having to get up eleventy-two times and oh, sweet mercy, not having to clean up 47 times (or thinking that I should be cleaning up 47 times, because let's face it, that's what I actually do). Anything I get out of this beyond that is just icing on the cake. So it's safe to say that I don't have many expectations for this weekend. I'm thinking that's a good thing because I'm more open to whatever's going to happen and not clouded by what I think should happen.

So y'all be good and have fun while I'm gone. But not too much because it would kill me to know that I missed anything really good.

You're voting, right?

Most of my readership is here in Texas, so I hope that most of you have voted or are going to vote later today. You can also take part in your caucus/precinct convention after the polls are closed. I'm still learning about what that really means, so I'm not sure I'll be participating in that. But do SOMETHING today, if you haven't already.

So because it's my blog and I can blather on if I want to, I'll tell you my thoughts (although most of you have probably already heard my thoughts and are tired of them...but once again, it's my blog, blah blah blah).

I was just about ready to get behind Rush Limbaugh's idea of conservatives voting for Hillary to keep the dems fighting and throw them off a bit. But then I decided that election officials probably frown upon voters vomiting on the voting machines and I'm pretty sure that's what I would do if my little dial-y thing went anywhere near her name. So, I'm voting for McCain. Now, I know many conservatives have a beef with McCain, but at this point in the process, I really think he could be the beauty contest winner in ugly town (in other words, the lesser of all the evils). And honestly, I think I like him. I'm a conservative, but a more moderate conservative. Not hard-core at all. I've heard of the repubs and conservatives (apparently, there's a difference, but I'm not sure what that is) saying that when they voted for McCain it wouldn't be for McCain. It would be against Clintama. I can say for certain that my vote is for McCain. You want to talk about experience? He's got to be our man.

And can I just say that if I hear the phrases "Ready to lead on day one" and "Hope/Change we can believe in" one more time, I just may vomit?

Funny how this process can bring up so many references to vomit.

Mind if I gripe?

Can I just say I loathe this show? I do. On many levels.

I've been seeing the commercials for it for a while, and I've been grumbling about it. But I wanted to give it the benefit of the doubt, hoping that the commercials were making it out to be different than it really was (TV execs have NEVER done that to us before, have they?).

So I watched it last night. And I can't say too many general things I hate about it, but I just do. The idea is that they take a "soccer mom" and give her a taste of the career she "gave up" to be a mom. This first mom has been a SAHM for 10 years. Before making the decision to stay at home she had been in the fashion industry. So the show offers her work with a fashion designer for a week. The catch is that no one in her family knows she doing it, not even her husband. They think it's a show about rewarding moms and she's at the spa. My thought is does the husband know she's thinking about working outside the home again? Have they discussed it? Is he on board?

Anyway, she shows up for her first day of work and they tell her that the next 3 days are going to be chaotic because they (she?) have (has) to design, pattern, make and fit 3 dresses for a show. Over the course of the next few days, it shows mom stressing out, while the other "real" employees act slightly snotty discussing whether or not they think she can hack it. Once she does something well, they act surprised that she's good at it and at one point, the main designer says, "I actually do" when asked if she like one of the mom's sketches. She actually does? And someone else says, "She's doing better than anyone expected." What were they expecting? Because she's been "just a mom" for several years now she must be an idiot? Then when mom is talking about the deadlines she must make, she says, "Here it's 'produce, produce, produce' while at home, it's just mellow." Wha....? Is she serious? Maybe I'm looking at it a little differently because not only am I a SAHM, but I'm also a homeschooler, but I wouldn't call anything about my "job" mellow. I have more freedom in my days than a normal 9-5, but that doesn't mean it's mellow. But I digress.

Meanwhile, dad's at home taking care of the kids. The show does a good job of making the dad look like an idiot (but isn't that what all of TV does?). At one point it shows the preschooler drinking from and subsequently spilling a container of coffee creamer while dad's just around the corner. Dad seems to have no clue what's going on and when the girl says "I clean it", he says something and then continues to hang laundry. Later on, the two younger kids get into diaper rash cream. It also shows dad saying that SAHMs take everything too seriously, but he later redeems himself by saying he has a new respect for everything that goes in to staying at home with young kids. Still, I was wondering, has he had no idea the entire time that he's had kids that it's hard to care for them?

Later in the show, the people at the design house are coming around to the fact that the mom has talent. She does well on an in-house fashion show and one stylist says she wants one the mom's designs for one of the big name celebrities she dresses.

Toward the end, when mom is coming back, dad says he's looking forward to having his wife home and getting back to normal. When she gets home, everyone comes clean and the mom tells her husband what she's actually been doing for the week (remember, he thought she was at a spa). She then gets offered a full-time job with the designer. She's obviously excited, but that's a huge decision to have to make. Then they tell her that she needs to decide before the end of the day and she would start the following Monday. The host and the designer both mention a few more times how the family needs to hurry and make the decision.

It was obvious she was going to take the job. In a discussion with her husband, she even says that she didn't "mind relying on babysitters" if her kids got sick. That's just a hard thing for me to imagine given that she's stayed at home for 10 years. Anyway, her hubby was very encouraging and supportive of her and told her that he just wants her to be happy. He also says that this opportunity has given her something that he couldn't...completeness. And then I gagged. She takes the job and the show makes sure to show that they all live happily ever after. Well, not really. But it does show the big name celebrity wearing one of the mom's designs in a nationally televised performance.

So, okay. I didn't really go into it with an unbiased and open mind. But at first the people on the show act like she couldn't possibly "make it" in their industry because she's been at-home for so long. Then they act surprised when she does well. THEN the show leans toward how great it would be for her to take the job (thereby implying what a disappointment it would be if she decided to "just stay home" again). And it implied that dad was an idiot. I hate that.

I will say that I did enjoy the fashion industry part of it. That was fun.

So there you go. I had to get that out. Perhaps I'm too sensitive and a little insecure. Maybe not. All I know is that I really didn't appreciate the entire tone of this show. I will not be watching it again. But I encourage you to, to form your own opinion. And tell me if I'm wrong.

Hell must be having a cold front

My Zachary does not like eggs. It must be two years now that he's refused eggs in any form. Usually, when the kids don't like a certain food, I make them have it on their plate anyway and sometimes I make them taste again, just to make sure they still don't like it. But not eggs with Zachary. I've given up. He's so adamant about not having an egg anywhere near his plate, that now I usually make him a different meal if we're having eggs or he just eats the meal without them.

Tonight, Stephen asked to have a boiled egg with dinner. So I made 4 boiled eggs...one for me, one for the neighbor girl and one each for Stephen and M-A. As I was cracking them, Zachary runs in and says, "Can I hold an egg, Mama?" I asked if he was going to eat it, because he couldn't just walk around holding an egg. He hesitated a bit. I told him he had to try one bite before I gave him one "to hold". Without so much as a grimace he took a huge bite out of one end. Y'all, this was a special occasion. I got out my camera, in the middle of dinner, and started calling family members. His daddy thought I was being sarcastic or playing a joke.

He ended up eating the whole thing except for half the yolk. Turns out he's still not too fond of the yellow. I can't say I blame him. I prefer the white as well.

When Zachary was a toddler he never ate fruit. He only ate dried fruit pieces. And when we were visiting a family friend for a party, he ate a grape. We were around a bunch of people who didn't know us and they must have thought I was an idiot when I was jumping up and down, yelling, "He ate a grape! He ate a grape!" But tonight, everyone in the house shared in my joy that he ate an egg. He even agreed to taste one of his daddy's fried egg sandwiches.

Another dose of brotherly love

Yesterday after we got home from church, Stephen started taking an ugly tone with Zachary. I reminded him that we use kind words, even when we don't want to.

Then he says, "Oh yeah, we learned in church to use kind words even with evil people."

"Does not stay on task"

We were supposed to be building the number 412. Instead, we ended up with this:

This girl deserves it!

My cousin Katie is pregnant with #4 and her sweet sister has nominated her for a virtual baby shower. The winner gets an amazing amount of really cool, really nice new baby stuff. Now a girl with 4 kids deserves to get the really cool, really nice baby stuff. And you can help her!! Click here and go vote! It's super easy so it won't take but a few seconds of your time. You get one vote per computer, so use any computer you have. Why are you still here? What are you waiting for? Let's help Katie win it!

Sigh

Sweet Hubby and I are getting ready to pay off our last credit card with our tax refund. That's exciting. We've been looking forward to doing that for a year.

But.

Then I go and have to have a root canal and two crowns. Grrr. So now we're about $1600 in debt again (not counting the cars and house). Thankfully, we were able to get a line of credit through the dentist's office with a low interest rate AND low monthly payment and we're thinking we can get it paid off with NEXT year's tax refund or Sweet Hubby's yearly bonus (that he's not getting this year).

*sigh*

One step forward, one step back.

Yay!

I'm so proud of myself. I've been menu planning for a while now, but I've got it down to a science and the last several weeks, I've been able to get a week's worth of groceries for anywhere between $75 and $90. That includes paper products (paper towels, TP, diapers, etc) and other consumables (dish detergent, laundry detergent, razors, vitamins, etc) and we don't eat out. I plan for all three meals for at least 6 days...one day of the week we might eat at my folks' or the IL's for dinner and we usually eat lunch with them at least one day on the weekend. So for 18 meals (I plan every meal and snack) for the five of us and a week's worth of snacks, I get out under $100. I used to spend so much more. AND we still ate out.

And what I'm really impressed with is that we're acutally eating pretty well. I've always complained that it's hard to eat healthy on a tight budget because the good for you food is so much more expensive. But with the menu planning, we're still eating fruits and veggies and whole grains and not too many convenience foods. We still eat boxed mac and cheese about once a week and the kids love their canned soups, but other than that, I'm cooking from scratch so we're eating well.

A family of 5 eating for under $360 a month...YAY!

An inside peek at the working of Zachary's mind

These are the random thoughts that came out of Zachary's mouth today over lunch (and they were indeed in this order):

"In the bible, it says God made me. If you get sick, you eat good food. If your body gets sick, you eat good food, not bad food. Like blueberry pie. That's good."

I don't think he's ever even had bluberry pie.

He's on a roll....

Stephen got a Backyardigans CD for his birthday. In one of the songs, the Backyardigans are pretending to be journalists on TV station in corn country. One character sings, "W-I-O-Wa, corniest station in the nation." But she's not real clear in her enunciating. So this is what Stephen hears, and then walks around singing (censored a bit to keep the weirdos out):

"W-I-O-Wa, h*rniest station in the nation!"

He also has a game with little worms. He thinks one of the worms has horns and he calls it....the h*rny worm.

Then yesterday morning over breakfast, this question fell onto my plate:

"Mom, how does God put the baby in your belly?"

Our new gallery, some t-ball and more!

It's been a busy bloggy day for me!! But I've been meaning to post some of these pics for a while (not the first one, because I just took it).

Check out our new "gallery" I just put up this morning.



It's simple, but I'm proud of it. The kids were so excited to have their art hung up. It's just yarn pinned to the wall and the art is hung with those little clothes clip-py things (I can't think of the word right now for some reason...). It's fun and it's a cute touch to the playroom.

Stephen had t-ball tryouts on Monday. He did GREAT. They had 3 batting attempts and 3 catch attempts. He hit the ball 2 out of 3 swings and caught the ball 2 or 3 times (I can't remember now).



And this is how I caught Marc-Adam the other day:



Now, I'm not sure if the stool was already in the kitchen or if it was actually up against the wall like that, but this is slightly scary to me. That kid is trouble!

And here's a cute one of Z. He just tuckers out sometimes and finds a soft place to fall.

Thanks

Thanks for all your kind words from this post. It really did help me feel better. Sometimes it's better just to know I'm not alone. Not that I want anyone else to feel this way, but it's comforting to know it's normal that I feel this way and it's not just because I'm crazy or because I really am inadequate. The feeling of isolation is the worst sometimes for me, so it helps that even though I still feel isolated, I'm not really alone.

It seems like I've been running on all cylinders lately. I used to go to bed at 9pm or so and get up at 7 or 8am. Recently, I'm lucky to get to sleep by 11pm or midnight. That was fine for a few days, but after a couple weeks, I really started to feel it. And it kinda feels like I'm on a hamster wheel...running and running till I'm out of breath and need some water only to look behind me and see that I've gotten nowhere--the house is still a mess, the kids are still fighting and Sweet Hubby's on his way home.

Yesterday afternoon, I had folded laundry, run to the store with the kids, read with the kids and then started dinner. I had spent a couple hours in the kitchen preparing dinner and getting ready for today. By the time dinner was finally done (and it was SO good!), I realized it was just about bedtime, so I gave the kids their sleepytime tea, cleaned up dinner quickly, got them dressed in jammies and off to bed (with an extra chapter in the book I'm reading with them and an extra snuggle since Daddy wasn't home). As soon as I was done with them, I sat down with the neighbor girl for an hour and a half to help her with her math. I was feeling good about everything I had gotten done, but I was feeling whipped. Sweet Hubby then comes home and I remember that I forgot to take his movie back to the Red Box...he wasn't happy. He then lets me know that I left his favorite jammie pants in the washing machine. I wanted to yell at him so badly, but I just calmly apologized and went back to focusing on helping the neighbor girl (I really should give her a better name than that) convert millimeters to meters. That's all I could do at the time.

So I'm trying to take it one task (or sometimes one second) at a time. I'm not sure if this is all because of my stage in life and my circumstances (which means it may get better at some point) or if it's me. I suppose it could be both.

Anyway, thanks again. I love my bloggy circle! Bloggy hugs all around.

Confirmed

I found another link concerning the issue in my last post. I don't even give my kids' SS numbers to their doctor or to our insurance company. They threaten not to cover the kids, but we've never had an issue. I don't trust the schools enough to give them that information and I certainly don't trust any third party they might give my kids' information to.

This is interesting...and scary!

And yet another reason to homeschool.....

I'll admit, I haven't checked around for myself to see if this is true, but this came from a reliable source on a homeschool e-mail loop that I'm a part of. The comment at the bottom that says "My Comment" is not actually my comment, but the comment of the person who posted it.

TRACKING KINDERGARTENERS

Texas school districts are handing over Social Security numbers, dates of
birth and other sensitive information about the state's kindergarten
students to a private software company without permission from the
children's parents. State education officials who set up the unusual
arrangement insist that the information is safe. But some educators and
parents worry about sending student Social Security numbers to a private
company hired to store kindergarten reading test scores. A privacy expert
says thousands of 5- and 6-year-olds are vulnerable to identity theft as a
result.

"I would hope that any company that had the financial future of every single
kindergartner in Texas would be put through the mill as far as security,"
said David Holtzman, a former security analyst who wrote the book Privacy
Lost. "This is more valuable than a million dollars in gold coins in the
bank." More than 350,000 children attend public school kindergarten in
Texas.

My comment: interesting number of kindergarteners. If those kids
homeschooled, we would double the number of homeschoolers in Texas, wow,
what a concept! Yes, feel free to forward to all your friends with
Kindgarteners.

The inner demons

I have to interrupt this usually light-hearted mommy blog to get a little serious. This probably is a little more than I usually would put "out there", but I've had it on my heart and on my shoulders to talk about it for a while. I'm probably going to regret it tomorrow, but I'm about to "get real" and talk about things that are quite personal to me, so if you can't take this kind of thing, feel free to move on to your next read.

I have this constant and insatiable need for encouragement and validation. I'll take it from just about anybody, but mostly I just want it from my husband--who doesn't quite get exactly what I need and why I need it, so most of the time, I don't get it from him. It's not his fault, and I don't blame him at all. It's just not in his personality. I feel like it's my fault and something I need to work out for myself. Why do I constantly need someone telling me that I'm great and fabulous and my kids are wonderful and it's all because of me and the messy house isn't important because I'm focusing on my kids and I'm smart and funny and on and on and on.....Why is that so important to me and why does my emotional well-being depend on it so much? Obviously, there's no one person on the face of this earth who's purpose it is to make sure that I'm feeling encouraged and validated and that I'm feeling emotionally stable. But it's almost like that's what it would take in order for me to finally feel good about me.

I feel like I just can't get a grip. Things will be going great for a while and I'll feel like I'm on top of things! and life is great! I'm great! and I can do this! But then one small thing happens and it all comes down and I'm no good at my "job", I can't do this, I'm such a loser, life sucks and no one really cares. Surely this can't be normal.

And then I beat myself up because I have in my mind all these things that I want to be and do and make better so that maybe I can move past the constant feeling of inadequacy. But then I do nothing about any of it. I see it all, wishing I would/could change it, but then I do nothing. Maybe it's because I know in my heart that I won't actually be able to accomplish it all. Maybe it's because it's not possible that I can accomplish it all. Either way, it doesn't matter, because it's not happening.

It seems like no one else has this constant struggle in life or within themselves. Or maybe it's just that no one talks about it. I just want things to settle down and be mundane for a while. I just want to worry about doing the laundry and finding the right curriculum and not what disappointment is next. I want to feel like I'm not always getting knocked down. I want to feel capable and adequate and like life is good. But I'm just not sure that I'll ever get there.

Maybe the angels want to save a little money.

Stephen and Zachary found a Nemo birthday card that Sweet Hubby's grandmother had sent for Zachary's birthday (this is the same grandmother that passed away last month). Zachary was excited because he "found Nemo!". Stephen read the card and looked at me and said, "Mom, how did Great Grandma send Zachary a card? Do they have Wal*Mart in heaven?"

A friendly Public Service Announcement

When attempting to steam vegetables, it is wise to actually use, you know, water. Not doing so may result in a ruined pot, ruined vegetables, a smelly house and well, you may just piss yourself off.

Not that I have any experience with this particular situation, though. I just thought I'd pass that little helpful tidbit along.

Good influence, or bad? You be the judge.

First Dunkin' Donuts, then blogging, now this. I'm addicted.

There are a couple of you reading this who are responsible for my addictions. You know who you are......I don't have enough time or money to keep jumpin' on your bandwagons! :)

Five

Dearest Stephen,



How can it be that you are already five? Seems like just yesterday we met and I fell in love with you. Seems like just a few minutes ago that you were so so tiny and yet changed us forever. And now, here you are. A full five years old going on 35.

You have accomplished SO MUCH this year. Your daddy and I just can't believe how smart you are. We started dipping our toes in the waters of homeschooling this year and you have just taken off. You just won't stop reading anything you get your hands on. Sometimes, you'll ask me to read a book to you and Zachary and as soon as I open it, you start reading it. You are reluctant to do your math, but you excel in it as well. You can do simple math, count to 100 and skip count by 10s. We also delved a bit this year into bugs and dinosaurs because you were so interested in them. But school isn't the only way you are so smart....it's easy to hold a conversation with you and your logic always surprises me. You just seem to "get" things that seem way beyond you.



I have loved watching your personality develop. Everyday, I feel like I'm getting to know who you are and who you will be. You are full of energy from the time you wake up until your tired little head hits your pillow at night. You love playing superheros, jumping from couch to couch and back again, saving the day. You love loud movies, fast cars and rough-housing. You love to wrestle with just about anybody. But you also have your serious side. We all have to be careful not to tease you too much...you're a little sensitive to being laughed at and unlike your brothers, you don't usually like being the center of attention.

Your innate sense of right and wrong is so strong and although I worry about you a little when you get among other kids, I know deep down that you will stand up for what's right (I'm not sure it's even normal for a 5 year old to do that!). One day a few months ago, while playing with a new little girl friend at a play area, the girl told you that a bigger boy had just pushed her down. You immediately asked her who and started gathering a posse to find him and tell him that that was wrong and he should not have pushed her down. After I talked you down (and took the torch and pitchfork out of your hand), I was so proud of you. I knew right then and there that I would always be able to trust you to do the right thing. And because of that, you are also and awesome big brother. When you think I'm not listening or watching, I've seen you guide your little brother to do the right thing (and when he still doesn't do the right thing, I can trust you to quickly come and tattle). You struggle with being the big brother sometimes, but I can always see how much you love your brothers...hugging them and kissing them. And I know you didn't see me there, but I saw you making sure Zachary had his lovey and enough covers on that cold night.



You are becoming such a little man. And it is so much fun getting to do all the things with you that I've waited for. Your first bike, your first theater movie and today, I signed you up for T-ball. Your daddy and I have waited for to share all these things with you. Watching you grow up has been the most fun I've ever had. You are sweet, fun, kind, smart and just a blessing to know. And I'm the most blessed of all, 'cause I get to be your mom. I can't wait till you get to be a little older because I just know that once you understand the world a little better, you and I are going to be great friends. You've already taught me so much. I thank God every day that I get to be a part of you growing up into the wonderful person you are becoming. You are one person who will leave the world a better place than it was before you were in it.



I love you, Stephen. For so many reasons, you're first five years were the best of my life....and it only gets better.

Happy Birthday, Sweet Boy.
Love,
Mom

More things I can't believe I've had to say:

"Stephen, give your brother back his arm. Zachary, give Stephen his eye back."


"No, you may not spit on your underwears. "


"GET OUT OF THE TOILET!!"


"GET OUT OF THE TRASH!!"

Just a bunch of words.

I don't have much to say, but feel like I should blog. I just always have this feeling that I'm not interesting. That my life isn't interesting and worth typing out on a public blog for other real people to read. I think the only people truly interested in what I put out here are (is? are? ahhh, whatever) my parents. So I have a hard time thinkin' up things to blog about. Because you don't really want to hear about how we had to leave the children's museum early today because it was so.stinking.crowded and I was panicked that I would lose track of one of my children. Or about how I want to highlight my hair and bought a box of DIY stuff but am nervous to use it. Or about how I can't find a good solution for cleaning my floors. But those are the most interesting things in my life. So I have to dig deep for blog fodder.

I suppose I could talk about my neighbor girl, the 11-year-old I mentioned in my last post or last week or something like that. She is such a sweetheart. And I'm growing to love her like one of my own children. She was with us all day today because she was out of school for MLK day. I just have the best time with her and I half-joked with her that I wish she could hang out with us all day, everyday. She's great with the boys (and they adore her) and we seem to have the same kind of sense of humor. Her mom is thinking about moving at the end of the school year and I begin to get a sick, panicky feeling when I think about that possibility. Being with her makes me ache so badly for a daughter of my own and the thought of her not being around on a daily basis anymore makes it worse.

On a lighter note, I feel the need to mention that Marc-Adam climbed out of his crib last week. Without hurting himself. At some point in the process of getting out he had to have fallen some distance. But I had no idea he was out until I heard him banging on the door. Silly kid. He drives me batty, and yet, I just can't seem to get enough of him.

So, does anyone else feel like they have nothing interesting to say, but they just blog anyway?

It's like looking into the future...if I had a daughter

I've been "tutoring" (and I use that term loosely) our neighbor-girl in math. When I was her age, I hated math. Now? I love it. It's fun to me (my how things have changed). But her? She LOATHES it (notice the capital, bold AND italic letters). But she likes me and I think she likes spending time with me so I think that helps her get through the couple of hours we spend on her homework a couple nights a week. I have dreams of grandeur of turning her attitude about math around and helping her become a whiz at math. However, I'm beginning to doubt that I'll even be able to get her tolerate it long enough to have a working knowledge of the facts and the whys.

So at the end of the evenings that we work, I think she starts to wonder why she liked me to begin with. I don't let her get away with "winging" it. I don't let her pout or slouch or whine. I don't let her move on from a mistake unless she understands why she made the mistake and why it was wrong. I make her do a problem over and over till she gets it right (although, the third time or so, I'll look over her shoulder to help her correct her mistakes immediately to avoid doing the whole thing wrong again). That's about the time that she starts looking at me like I think my own 11 year old daughter would look at me...probably the way all 11 year old girls look at their mother at some point or another. The look that says that she wishes that the floor would open up and swallow one of us. But I want her to understand it. I want it to click for her and I want her to be proud of herself when it does. And above all I want her to not hate it so much. I'm just not sure that's possible.

And this whole experience has solidified in my mind that I don't want my kids to go to public school. At least not until they have learned HOW TO LEARN on their own. She comes home with this homework that takes 2 hours to do and she says that the teacher hasn't gone over how to do any of it. Or the teacher explained it in such a way that completely baffles my neighbor-girl. But then I've had a hard time figuring out how she learns so that I can teach her in a way that she understands.

I love this girl....but I'm going to need lots of patience and prayer to get the both of us through this.

And if you ask us to do anything, we'll tell you we saw the movie

*Updated with the link that I forgot to add that explains exactly what "The Pirates" are.

In honor of my 26th birthday, we took the boys to see The Pirates on Friday. Actually, the two things just happened to coincide, but honestly, it was one of the best birthdays I've ever had.

Stephen and Zachary had never been to a movie before. I've just been too afraid of what might happen and movie going is too expensive these days to risk having to leave half way through. But they're older now and more able to control themselves (or be controlled). So we got there really early and let them check everything out and get all the wigglies out before the movie started. They each got a popcorn or candy and a Sprite (a treat because we don't buy or supply them with soda, ever). Stephen had to call his Grammy to tell her that the movie screen was even bigger than her TV.

Once the movie started, they were already calmed down from their excitement and were more than ready to watch it. They both snuggled in after their Sprite was sucked down and the popcorn/candy had been inhaled (Zachary actually hand-fed me most of his popcorn, sweet boy) and giggled, laughed out loud, gasped and squealed. I think they had a great time and I was so glad that all went well. I was a little disappointed that the pirates didn't actually sing their song and the one time it was played at the end, it was interrupted.

Now we'll have to wait another 5 years for another appropriate movie to take them to.

I'm pretty sure I'm an idiot.

Okay, okay, so I know I'm not idiot. Most of the time. But I might be too scattered to be doing anything that involves any kind of contact with human beings. Or use of the english language.

Lately, I've been much better about checking over comments and e-mails I've been sending out and I can't believe how many mistakes I make. Spelling errors, extra words, words left out....you all must think I dropped out of school in the third grade (not that I think 3rd graders are idiots).

So let me assure you that I'm neither an idiot nor did I abandon formal schooling at the elementary level. I just think that my fingers move much slower than my brain (and if you've ever heard me talk, so does my mouth).

WFMW, Backwards Edition--Help with young toddler, please!

The baby is 14.5 months old and by far the most stubborn, persistent child we've had up to this point. There are several things in the living area of our home that are off limits to him that he is obsessed with. I'm sure he's obsessed simply because he knows they are off limits, but he's driving me batty with his persistence. The four "hot spots" are the books on the bookshelf, the TV buttons on the TV (particularly the on/off button while the two older kids are engrossed in their show), the entertainment center doors and the older kids' chore cards. Even if I wanted to, I can't do anything about removing the TV buttons, entertainment center doors or the kids' chore cards. I could remove the books from the bookshelf for a while, but what's that teaching him? I don't remember the other two being nearly this obsessed with the "no-no" things.

So what do you do to teach them at this age that certain things are off limits? I've done the re-direction thing with him for four months now and it hasn't helped one bit. I could seriously re-direct him for over an hour but he's just so focused. I tell him "No. Not Marc-Adam's. Don't touch." over and over again, but it doesn't make usually make a difference. And if it does, he just melts into tears for a few minutes, I then re-direct him to a new activity and then 30 seconds later he's back at it again. At times, it even seems like he thinks it's a game because I rush at him when he's playing with the cards or the books because I want to get to him before he totally tears something up. He then starts giggling at me and gets excited. I spend a large chunk of my day dealing with this behavior, but I'm out of ideas on how to rein him in a little bit. So what can I do about that?? Is there hope? PLEASE HELP!!

Go to Rocks In My Dryer to see if you can offer any help to other bloggers.

Sometimes all you need is another set of eyes

Up until a few days ago, meal time around here had gotten pretty ugly. The kids' manners had started to fall away and they're attitudes about the meals were bordering nasty. There was silliness at the table, whining, fighting and they were never happy about whatever was in front of them. Every single meal I made was met with whines and eventually, they just quit eating my meals and started living on snacks. So a few weeks ago, I cut out the afternoon snack. That helped a little bit, but I was still enduring ugly attitudes at dinner time. I'd like to tell you that I'm a big enough person that the opinions of a 3 and 4 year old didn't get to me, but that would be a big fat lie. Because it did get to me. I dreaded making dinner because I felt so unappreciated. And I was just.so.tired.of the whining.

And then last week my BFF, Alison, and her darling daughter came to visit. I was lamenting to Alison about meal times and how they were really getting to me and how I needed to do something but I wasn't sure what. She said, "Well, how about if they complain about it, they don't get to eat at all. They won't starve if they miss a meal or two because of it."

Wow. That seems so simple, I thought. Why didn't I think of that? I thought. And then I realized why I didn't think of that. I've gotten a little lazy in my parenting in the last year or so just so I could survive. I've been doing whatever was easiest to keep the peace (and my sanity), even if it meant the kids walked all over me. But now I'm getting past merely surviving and the kids need me to be past that so I can give them more guidance in how to act properly.

So, out of desperation, we started with the new rule that night at dinner. Before I made dinner, I gathered the boys and laid it out....if you whine/complain/make one tiny nasty comment about dinner, your dinner will be over and you will be excused from the table. I knew and prepared myself for the fact that someone would not be eating dinner that night (and I had a feeling I knew who it would be) and then that someone would serenade the rest of our dinner with their wailing. But I had Sweet Hubby and Alison to back me up (and to keep me from caving into their cries). Sure enough, Zachary (the one I suspected would go to bed with an empty tummy) sneered at the broccoli and called it "yuck" (I know he doesn't like broccoli and he didn't have to eat it, but calling it yuck was not acceptable). He was excused from the table immediately and his plate was swiftly taken from the table. And as I also predicted, he serenaded our dinner with whines, cries and wailing. Stephen, trying to earn brownie points, went a little overboard telling me how good the dinner was, Mama, and it was so yummy, Mama, thank you, Mama. I choked down the rest of my dinner, almost near tears because it nearly broke my heart that my child was begging to eat and I was telling him no. But he didn't starve. He actually made it to breakfast the next morning.

The next day, I also added bad manners to the list of "Do not pass go, do not collect $200, you may get down from the table."

We only had that one incident on that very first night.

And I'll tell you what, not only do I have sweet, civilized children at the dinner table, but they are appreciative and actually EATING the dinner. No whining. No complaints. No 489 reminders to keep eating and you need to eat at least one bite of your vegetable. Seriously. It's so much more peaceful.

So I'm convinced I just needed another set of eyes that were way more objective than I could be....and a little kick in the pants to quit being so lazy just to keep everyone happy didn't hurt, either.

The land of perpetual free internet connection

We recently upgraded to high speed internet (God bless the high speed internet). I called the dial-up company last month to cancel our dial-up and instead of canceling my connection, the they gave me a free month. Okay then. So then I call back this morning since our free internet is up on Friday. And they gave me 2 free months. I like the way they do business!

If I had known about this a few months years ago (and if I were a less honest person) I would have played this game long ago when money was really tight!

Ringin' it in...with hope

I'm amazed at the amount of hope I have for this coming year. I've never been big on New Year's celebrations or resolutions. Really, it's just another day to me. But something, something, is different about today. And tomorrow. And the next year. I can't put my finger on it, but I'm filled with so much hope about what this next year will bring that it almosts brings me to tears. I'm so hopeful that I can't even think about the past year, whatever disappointments I had or goals I didn't meet. I don't want to think about them. They don't matter now. I honestly feel like I have this fresh, clean new slate waiting for me when I wake up tomorrow morning. And I hope that when I read this post at this point next year that I'll be able to look back and think, "Wow, I really felt it coming".



Among the obvious things (being a better wife, mom, homemaker, etc) I have ideas in my head of how I want to live this next year that are too personal for me to post here. And I'm not even sure I could put it all here if I wanted to. I'm not sure I could make my "goals" coherent. But they're there. And this year, at this point in my life, I'm more than ready to make things happen.

*As I finished that last paragraph, Sweet Hubby called to tell me that he just had a wreck. He's fine, but he hit and injured a calf and there's quite a bit of damage to his car. See this post to remember how we started 2007. And now I guess we're going to end it the same way. We'll be starting 2008 with the same burden as we started 2007. But I'm not going to let that get me down. I'm still hopeful and I'm reminded even more of how I want to make life better for myself and my wonderful children and my sweet, sweet husband who is safe and sound.

Happy New Year to you and yours. May 2008 be a year that brings us all countless blessings. God bless you.

From our home to yours....

I want to use this, my 200th post, to wish all of my readers (all 3 of you) a very merry Christmas. I pray Christmas finds you warm, fulfilled, and surrounded by those you love and who love you. I hope your Christmas brings you love, laughter and memories. And most of all, I wish you a lifetime, not just a day, of peace and joy.

Merry Christmas

Just a little perspective

It's been over a week since I've blogged. How can that be? So much has been happening and life's been so busy. I have so many blog topics running rampant in my head, I don't know if I'll ever be able to put it all here.

The main thing that's been going on this last week has been family related. Sweet Hubby's 80 year old grandmother had been very sick. He went to be with her earlier this week. She passed away Thursday morning with most of her family by her side. From what he says, it was truly an amazing experience to be with her in that time. Just a few hours before she passed away, she started saying things like, "Do you hear the bells?" and commenting about the color of the clouds and about the people that were "there" waiting for her and cheering her on. It really helped put this season into perspective....while most people were out stressing about gifts or travel or food, Sweet Hubby and I were able to celebrate a woman who led a good and long life. We've been able to really celebrate Christmas, knowing what we have to look forward to, thanks to that Baby in the hay. I'm not exactly sure what I believe about the afterlife, but it's a glorious thought to think about his grandmother meeting her Creator and Savior. I had a terrible time actually being sad about it all. I had a hard time not smiling because I was so happy for her (which made me feel a bit like a freak, but that's a whole 'nother blog post).

On to other matters not nearly as deep or spiritual....I have to say I'm a little bitter. And I KNOW that's not how I should be feeling. And maybe I shouldn't even be blogging this because I'm not sure who all reads this, but here goes....I made the gifts for Sweet Hubby's side of the family Christmas (not the same side who just lost their mother/grandmother). I put my heart and soul (not to mention time and effort) in to their gifts. They thanked me for them, and maybe I'm not being fair because they don't know how much I poured myself in to their gifts, but they didn't seem very excited or that they liked their gifts very much. Perhaps that's just the way they are, and I don't know what I expected their reactions to be, but it seems they could have acted like they cared a little more. I was really excited about their gifts, I wish they were, too. Now I'm wondering if I could have done something else that they would have liked better.....

And now I'm tired and off to bed. Christmas Eve will be a busy day for us, although Sweet Hubby will have to work most of it. I may never get used to him working so much over the holidays.

I'm tired, I'm bored and I 've got kinks in my leg!

*Updated at the bottom of this post*

(Ten totally useless points to whoever can name which classic story that title line is from....)

(something about that first sentence just sounds completely grammatically incorrect...but it stays)


I feel like a whine. And I will take one because it's my blog and I can whine if I want to.

Okay, so I'm not really bored and there aren't kinks in my leg, yet, but when I read that story to the kids, I say that line in a really whiny little voice that seemed to fit my mood for the last few days.

I love Christmas time and I've actually really been enjoying it with the kids, but I've just been so tired and cranky lately. I know what my problem is. I've been busy trying to get Christmas stuff done so my house is a mess, we haven't done school in two weeks (I think we needed a little break) and I feel completely unproductive because I spend most of my day putting out fires (aka: referee-ing fights, cleaning up spilled milk, changing the channel, plugging in a movie, getting snacks, putting shoes on tiny people so they can play outside....the list goes on). If I feel like things are piling up on me, I shut down, stare at the mess and whine about it.

I'm working on apron for a Christmas gift. And I'm mad at it. I've had to take the thing apart and redo it three times already. And now I've got the whole thing assembled minus the pockets (and, oh, if I can get the pockets on right it will just be so stinkin' cute that it's a good thing the fabric's not my style because I might keep it and have to go buy a gift for the person I'm making it for) and I'm wondering how in the world I'm going to get the pockets on. You see, I had to gather the apron at the waistband (that was my first time gathering in a sewing project, I've tried to avoid it) and now I don't know how to get the apron part flat enough to get the pockets on. And if I did get it flat enough, I don't know how they would look once I got them on. And this is a dilemma for which I need my entire brain and with kids fighting, asking me questions or trying to pants me by using my jammie pants to stand up, I just can't put my whole brain in to it. I tried last night, but the apron and I had been with each other all day long and we were starting to give each other dirty looks so it was time that we spent some time apart. But if I can get it done to my liking, I'm just going to be so excited.

Which brings me to my next point. I love sewing. I don't think I knew how much I loved to sew until I pulled out my machine and fabric a couple weeks ago when I started thinking about making some Christmas gifts. I haven't sewed since Marc-Adam was born. There just doesn't seem to be enough time in the day/money in the budget for me to be able to do it as often as I like. I'm hoping I can whip up a few things to sell so that I can go buy more fabric and patterns and that maybe, maybe, I can start selling stuff I make so that I can keep doing it.

And for my next whine, I'd like to present my children. Whom I love dearly. But I want to hide from them. If I hear "Yeah, but...." one more time as response to something I've told them, they might be wanting to hide from me. I know that there's a possibility that our parenting might have gotten us to this point, but I've never let their arguing get them what they want. And ever since this backtalk/"Yeah but"/arguing phase began a few weeks ago, I've made darn sure that they don't get anywhere with it. I don't know what else to do....but the whining and arguing must stop before I collapse into a little heap on the floor. And surrender.

Lately, no matter how much sleep I get, I feel this uncontrollable urge to lay down and take a nap about 3:30. And yesterday, I sat on the couch to watch the Grinch with the kids, and fell asleep sitting up. When I woke up, Marc-Adam was in a completely different room from when I fell asleep and neither of the kids were sitting next to me like they were when I was awake. Zachary came running up to me saying, "YOU'RE AWAKE!!" I missed most of the Grinch!! Which means I had to have been asleep for about 20 minutes! While I was supposed to be taking care of my children!!

And then yesterday evening, we were driving to meet my in-laws, and Stephen wanted to take a little detour to look at this one house with a bunch of lights. I know I didn't fall asleep because, oh my word, how scary is that, and obviously we were safe, but I zoned out or something because all of the sudden I came back to earth and realized and I had no idea where we were. Thankfully, it's a small town, so I was able to drive a little further toward something familiar, but not after zoning out a couple more times and taking turns I didn't intend to take. It was so weird and scary.

But I have a great weekend to look forward to. I'm leaving for a few days to stay with my folks because I've got rehearals tonight and tomorrow night and the concert on Friday night for our church's Christmas musical-thingy. Even though it's only 25 minutes away, my parents live much closer to our church than we do and we don't want to have to spend that much gas making that trip 4 times in 5 days so we're spending a long weekend with them (which is really my cover for not wanting to look at or deal with my messy house for a few days). So I have the concert Friday night in which I'm singing a duet of "In the Bleak Midwinter". I love that song and it should be pretty. But, last I heard, the guy I'm supposed to be singing it with had a bad upper respiratory infection....so our plans might change a bit. Stephen's also singing with the children's choir in that concert and he's just so cute standing up there with all the other kids. I can't wait to see how he does at the actual concert. We will definitely have the camera going just in case he does something to win us $10,000. Saturday, my mom and I are taking a girls' day and going to finish up the rest of our Christmas shopping. We haven't done that in what seems like forever, so I'm really looking forward to that.

Monday, I think I might join in on BooMama's tour of homes. I was going to post pictures of our Christmas stuff just for fun earlier this week, until I saw what she was doing with the tour of homes. So I think I'll do that instead of doing it all on my own.

So there's lots to look forward to. Let's hope it can jolt me out of my doldrums.

Love all around.

*Update: I had to start fresh with the apron. I think I worked on it too long yesterday, because when I started working on it this morning, I realized I had done most of it all wrong. It was partly my fault and partly because the pattern instructions were so wacky (it's a new pattern I've never used before). I'm able to keep the pockets I had before--as far as I know those are right--but everything else needs to be re-done. And since I had to take the other pieces apart so much yesterday, I figure I'm better off just starting fresh with new pieces. I'll post a pic when it's done.

And God bless his sweet little heart.

This evening, the kids and I were saying our prayers before bed. When it was my turn, I said something about 'Thank you for Pastor Bill and all our Sunday School teachers. And be with the people who don't have homes or families this season....."

After all the prayers were said and we said our final amen, Stephen looked up at me with his big dark eyes and said very sadly and quietly, "Mommy? Pastor Bill doesn't have a home?"

I think he would have seriously asked Pastor Bill to come live with us.

A Christmas Meme

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping paper and a bow(if it's being shipped, no bow)....unless I have a gift that just can't be wrapped.

2. Real tree or Artificial? artificial...I'd love to do real, but it's just easier to have a fake one.

3. When do you put up the tree? Generally the weekend after Thanksgiving....but with Sweet Hubby's new job, that was out of the question, so this year we did it the Tuesday before Thanksgiving.

4. When do you take the tree down? Usually between Dec. 26 and Dec. 31. I can't stand to look at it after Christmas, so I take it down as soon as I get a chance.

5. Do you like eggnog? I don't know....

6. Favorite gift received as a child? Um....I can recall a few....but I don't know which would be my favorite.

7. Do you have a nativity scene? Yes. A cheapy $10 one from Wally World...It's an all one piece kind of thing where the pieces are glued down to the bottom. But Joseph came loose a couple years ago and Mary came loose this year, so they travel now. I'm surprised something hasn't gotten broken yet....but my feelings won't be hurt if it does.

8. Hardest person to buy for? Hmmm...my father-in-law? I usually can find something for everyone.

9. Easiest person to buy for? Sweet Hubby. He has an ongoing wish list all year round!

10. Worst Christmas gift ever received? I can't think of anything really bad...

11. Mail or email Christmas card? Sadly, neither. I always have good intentions to send out a card, but for some reason, it never happens.

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? Oh, there are just too many. A Christmas Story, It's a Wonderful Life, the original Miracle on 34th Street....the list goes on and on.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? After Thanksgiving.

14. Have you ever recycled/re gifted a Christmas present? I don't think so....

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? My grandma's fiesta crescents, pecan pie, homemade cookies.

16. Favorite Christmas song? O Holy Night, and in a very close second, O Come Emmanuel

17. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Travel, I guess. On Christmas Day we go to my grandma's house, but she only lives an hour away.

18. Can you name Santa's reindeer? Sleepy, Sneezy, Dopey, Grumpy.....oh, wait....

19. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? One Christmas eve and all the rest on Christmas morning.

20. Most annoying thing about this time of year? White Elephant Christmas exchanges.

21. Best thing about Christmas? Christmas Eve. Drinking hot chocolate, eating warm from the oven cookies, reading the Nativity Story from the bible and 'Twas the Night Before Christmas with the kids.

Rambling all the way to nowhere....

I know. That title's been used by other people. But there's just no other title that would fit as well as that one.

There must be something I'm missing about crock pots. People sing their praises and talk about how wonderful they are and how easy they are and all kinds of inspiring talk to make me pull mine out a couple times a year. But in all honesty, I don't like crock pots....and while pulling mine out yesterday, I realized that for some strange reason I have 3. Three crock pots. I have no idea how that happened and cannot think of even one situation that I might need even 2 crock pots.

And the recipes...they all taste the same to me. The chicken, the beef, the vegetables...all the same. And I don't really like it. We walked in the house yesterday evening after the crock pot had been working on dinner most of the afternoon, and the kids immediately scrunched up their noses and asked what the smell was. I hated to tell them it was dinner. Thankfully they had already been filled up full of Cocoa Pebbles at my parents house, so they weren't terribly interested in white chili. Actually, it was one of the better recipes I've ever used. But it doesn't matter how good the recipe is, the crock pot is also a pain in the neck to clean which takes away any "Oh, it's so easy" feelings from me.

On to other news, we ordered some stockings the day after Thanksgiving. I've been wanting to buy them for years, but this was the first year that we actually had the money in the budget to do it. While we were ordering, we explained that Marc-Adam's name was spelled M-A-R-C "HYPHEN" A-D-A-M. When we got the stocking, it was Marc'adam. Apostrophe. So we called back and to tell them it was wrong and to see what they would do about it. The lady said, "Well, ma'am, this is hyphen." No. It's an apostrophe. As in "can't" and "it's" and "Alli's". She said, "OH, you're right! I'm looking right at it! It's been years since I've heard someone use the word 'hyphen'". Wha....? Whatever. Can we have a new one? So, they're sending us a corrected one free of charge. Which is why, among other reasons, we love JCPenney's.

One more thing in this post o' random....I know some people think it's entirely too early, and some people are already sick and tired of hearing about it, but I want to encourage you to start looking into a presidential candidate you can get behind. I'd love to tell you to get behind the guy (and yes, it's a guy) I'm behind, but I won't. Yet. I just want to encourage you to at least start listening and researching. It's more important than ever to know what these people are saying, doing and planning. And even though it's a little less than a year away, please plan on voting. I'm afraid that the votes will be too close for people to have the luxury to say that their one vote won't matter.

And now I'm off the soapbox....but as November '08 draws nearer, I'll be talking more about this.

The Plan, it has backfired

Earlier today, Stephen overheard me joking with my mom about something being "made in China". At dinner, he reminded me that not every toy was made in China (even thought that's not really what I had been discussing with my mom), and I told him that most toys were and I could prove it. We just so happened to have a Veggie Tales pirate ship on our table during dinner (yes, we have interesting centerpieces), so I turned it over and showed him where it said "Made in China". He paused for a second, in deep thought, and said, "Ohhhh, that's right. Santa died and now the people in China have to make our toys."


Oh dear.

An indication of my cooking...and why no one eats it.

While I was making lunch the other day, Stephen walked in, took a look around, glanced at the stove where lunch was cooking, walked out and said to himself:


"Hope it doesn't catch on fire again."



Gee. Thanks.

Well, I did it.

We had "the talk" with Stephen (and Zachary, but I don't think Zachary even paid attention to the fact that we were in the same room). You know, the talk about Santa Claus. We've "done Santa" from the beginning and I've hated it. It took a lot of courage dug up from my mommy instinct, but Sweet Hubbby and I finally agreed to 'fess up and tell the truth. Actually Sweet Hubby did most of the talking (and did a great job) and we told him that St. Nicholas was a real man who loved God so much that he did exactly what Jesus told us to do and he loved everyone, and he showed that love by giving food and gifts in secret to people who were very poor and had nothing. And then when St. Nicholas died, people admired him so much that they started to pretend to be him and they started giving gifts in secret (and also started calling him Santa) and telling stories about him. We told him that LOTS of people pretend to be Santa...even Daddy. At that point, it seemed to click for him. He said, "And Papa and Poppy?" We agreed and told him that we could still pretend and have fun doing all the stuff we did last year (baking cookies and leaving them for Santa and getting up together to see what Santa brought). We asked him if he had any questions and he said, "What about Mrs. Clause?" Lol.

So I feel like a huge weight has been lifted. We went to Wal*Mart the other day and they had a "Santa". Stephen was excited (this was before the talk) and went to take a picture with him. He carried the picture through the store and then a little while later said, very thoughtfully, "Mama, I don't think that man was really Santa Clause." We had a nice little discussion about most of the mall/store Santas not being Santa Clause. I think it was a good segue in to the talk we had the next day.

In protection of other children, we told them that this was a huge secret that only really big kids know, so they couldn't say a word to other kids about it. Stephen's surprisingly good at keeping secrets (he never even lets on that he knows a secret), so I'm not too worried. But there is a little nagging feeling that my kid will be the one to ruin it for someone else's kids.

Yeah

Ah, recovery. Almost. We still have one more family get together for Thanksgiving tomorrow, but for the most part, we've winded down our Thanksgiving festivities and are firmly in the Christmas mode. We got our tree up on Tuesday because Sweet Hubby was off and we weren't sure when we'd have another chance to do it anytime soon. All of this year's ornaments are bought and the Christmas movie watching has commenced.

I went shopping with my mom and cousin yesterday. We were out of the house at 7:30. I want to be one of those that are in the Wal*Mart with list and ad in hand at 5:00am, I really do. The chaos is fun and the crowds don't bother me, but at this point in my life, it's just not an option. Maybe next year when I'm not nursing anymore. Of course, Wally World and others are going to have to come up with some better Black Friday deals to make it worth my while. The "deals" this year were a little underwhelming. But I did get some deals...I did not walk away empty handed. I only bought a few things and walked away $100 under budget. Yay! Which allowed to me to work more things into the budget that we otherwise wouldn't have been able to do.

I'm almost done with Sweet Hubby's gifts for Christmas. Just one more thing and I'm done. The kids will be easy this year. Bunk beds, a bike, an easel and a couple of small toys and CDs. I've covered a few other people on our list, but I still have more than half of my list to finish.

I'm usually not at all choosy about what I want for Christmas. Every few years, I set my heart on a pricier item, but for the most part, I don't know what to ask for and it's not really important to me to get anything. But. This year, I have a my eye on a few big ticket items. And I *think* I might actually get them. I'm pretty sure I'm getting this (right, Mom?? *grin*). Which makes me happier than I can say. I've been hinting at Sweet Hubby for a while that I'd really like an MP3 player and the hints have been getting more and more obvious with the last hint being, "I want an MP3 player for Christmas." I think he was perceptive enough to pick up on that subtle statement. I hope. And at first I thought I was going to be a snob about it and insist on an iPod, but after doing a little research, I don't think it's going to matter to me at all. He's been acting like he's got it covered and that's what I'm getting, but I don't know how since it's not in the budget. I can't wait to spend an afternoon finding and downloading all the perfect songs. I've even promised Stephen that he can have a few songs on it so he can borrow it. He's been begging for an iPod (LOL), but that's just so not gonna happen. But maybe I'll think about a cheapy off brand for his birthday. The one thing that's probably going to have to wait till next year is a Kitchenaid mixer (pink...or maybe red). I've wanted one for a few years, but they're so expensive, I won't buy one for myself and they're too much to ask for as a gift. But I might start saving up in January for next year's Christmas so maybe we can work it in to the budget. I can't think of what I would actually use it for, but I think I'd find something to whip up.

The Happy Visit

Stephen had his very first dentist appointment today. He was very excited and it went very well. No cavities! He looked so grown up and gave the ladies no problem. He thought he was the coolest kid ever (he didn't get much disagreement from me, either). My camera almost died but I was able to squeeze a little more life out of it by talking real sweetly to it, so I got some cute pictures.

Climbing up in the chair



Flipping through a magazine while being patient



You see how he's got his hands/arms?? They're propped behind his head! Have you ever been so comfy in the dentist's chair?



Getting his teeth "counted"

Quarantine

It's been an interesting few days around here. Every single person in my house came down with that stomach virus I mentioned. If you've been anywhere near my house in the last week or so, I pray for your health. If you've been near my house and have recently been reacquainted with your toilet, that would probably be courtesy of my sweet family. My sincerest apologies. Count yourself blessed if you haven't.

Three

Yesterday was Zachary's birthday and I intended to post this then. But the computer was acting up last night and the last few days I've been entirely too busy losing a few pounds thanks to the stomach virus I caught from the kids. So it's a day late.

To my sweet sweet Zachary,

You are three years old today. Which is kind of weird to me because it seems like you've been around all my life. It's so hard to imagine my life without your sweet little spirit in it. Your spirit fills a room where ever you go and it's weird to me that not too long ago, you weren't even here.



This has been a fun year with you. You learned a lot and you make it clear that you are learning more and more every day. Your newest accomplishment that you like to show off is jumping up and down. You'll be in the middle of intense playing and you'll stop what you are doing to say, "Hey, Mama, watch this!" And you'll start jumping until you nearly fall over. As of right now, you can count to 13 without skipping numbers. After that, you miss a few before you get to 20. You know about 20 (give or take a few) of your letters and you're actually better at identifying the sound a letter makes than you are at giving the name of the letter. One of your favorite things is curling up with me to read, especially your SpiderMan or VeggieTales books. Larry Boy is a favorite as well and when ever it's your turn to pick a CD to listen to, you always choose Larry Boy. I think I know every word to every Larry Boy song ever made.

I love how you get stuck on things...For a while, you had to wear your Superman cape 24/7, until your Grammy couldn't stand it anymore and peeled it off of you to wash it. And then for a little while you had to wear nothing but "stripey" shirts. To this day, the sight of a "stripey" shirt still makes you happy. And that's just so funny to me.

You found your first crush this year. You are in love with the 11 year old neighbor girl. You hug her and kiss her and tell her you love her all the time. You also freak her out by doing weird things like smelling her.

Your personality is really starting to shine. You have this interesting combination of being laid back and kinda uptight at the same time. You're really laid back in your relationships. Most of the time, you let Stephen (and sometimes Marc-Adam) treat you any ol' way. You let him call the shots and you happily follow. But at the same time, when you're tired of something he's doing, you have no problem letting him know. But you are a little fussy about other things. Your clothes can't have the slightest drop of wet on them, or you need an entire change of clothes. And you can't be convinced that your clothes aren't wet or that they'll dry very soon because it's only a drop of water. In fact, once you've set your mind on something, anything, it's very hard (sometimes impossible) to convince you of anything else.


If I had one thing to remember about your third year, it would be the development of your sense of humor. You are so stinkin' funny. We call you "The Comedian". You love to make us laugh....all the time. Even when it's not appropriate. Your daddy and I will be disciplining you for something and you'll make a funny face or start talking in a funny voice to make us laugh. It seems like you have an inate sense of "comedic timing". You learned the value of a good joke and you know exactly how to deliver. You also learned to tease which helps you fit perfectly in to this family. You especially like to tease Daddy when he gets hurt while y'all are playing....you say in a funny little voice, "Aw, you need a band-aid?" And you aren't being sympathetic. It's clear that you are poking a little fun at him. You are my social baby. You are shy at first with people you don't know, but it's obvious you love being around other people because you can't stand to be by yourself. You crave personal time and physical touch. You love curling up at my side (or with your Daddy or Grammy or anyone that you know loves you) and just being with us. Then you'll look over at me and give me a kiss for no reason. Then you'll start to stroke my hand. All day long, you are free with hugs and kisses. You love to play in my hair and face. It seems like if you are within arms reach of me, you must be touching me.

I absolutely love watching your personality blossom. It's hard not to smile after every conversation with you. Sometimes it seems that your personality is too big for that tiny little body of yours. I can't wait to see what you're like when you grow in to it.

I love you, my dear. Thank you for the smiles and the laughter and the kisses. Here's to many many more.

Love,
Your mama

Works for Me Wednesday-Backwards Edition

Today is WFMW-Backwards Edition which means we get to ask questions and hopefully they get answered by the wonderful people who follow RIMD.

My predicament--My oldest son will be 5 in January. We're currently homeschooling him and he's smart as he can be. We've had no issues....he's reading and doing simple math. Except that his writing is atrocious. I can't figure out how to teach him to correctly hold a pencil since I've never done it correctly myself. Getting him to write is a sure and quick way for us both to dissolve to tears.

So here's my question: Is he too young? Is this something I should hold off on for a while? I would normally do that in any normal situation, but because he's a little bit further ahead in other ways, it's getting a little difficult to get very far in our math/reading curriculum without him being able to write. Should I keep trying to get him to do it right? Are there any techniques I could use (besides the tissue holding one...he LOATHES that)? What about a good, affordable handwriting curriculum for very young children....anyone have any recommendations for that?

I know there are scores of people way smarter than me on this subject...please answer with anything you've got!:)

Birthday pictures part deux

More pictures...scroll down to the previous post for the first set.

Me and Marc-Adam (showing off my newest haircut for those who haven't seen it):

Marc-Adam opening presents (with a lot of help):


Z opening presents (with just a little help):


Z modeling one of his gifts:

Fun was had by all!

Birthday pictures

Some fun pics of this weekend's festivities (and for the record, I had my house back in normal working order by this morning!):

The best I could get of all three of my boys:


It was really good cake...and Zachary could prove it:


Stephen and Bubby:


Marc-Adam's cake, courtesy of my Mama:


Zachary's "Super Z" cake, also courtesy of my Mama

Recovery

Well, we had the big party this weekend. May I just say that as much fun as we had and as much as I love my boys and the rest of our extended family, I'm so glad it's over. Throwing a big party of nearly 40 people (15 or more of them kids age 6 and under) in my home is way more out of my comfort zone than I'm willing to go ever again. Well, at least until the next party. In January.

I've got lots of great pictures. My mom made some fantastic cakes and then everyone walked around with blue lips after eating it. Someone gave Marc-Adam some of the blue icing while I wasn't looking and when I saw him a few minutes later, my heart sunk for just a second because I thought something was terribly wrong with him because it was obvious by the blue lips that he was having trouble breathing. Not a nice thing to do to a mama's heart.

It was nice having all the family gathered to celebrate my two littlest boys. And it's obvious that they are loved. Not only by the fact that so many people were there, but it was also obvious they are loved by the AWESOME gifts they received. Seriously, they got some of the coolest gifts this year.

The highlight of the weekend for me was my sweet cousin and her children and my aunt coming to visit and staying overnight. We talked till the wee hours of the morning and visited in a way that I don't think we've ever done. And I'm so glad we did. Katie, Auntie K, it was wonderful to have you and your visit was such a blessing. More than you know, I think.

As soon as I can find my camera in the party aftermath, I'll post pictures.

According to the boys

Some things my boys have said recently.



Zachary to me while I was making his lunch: Mama, you're my best girl.

And then I mopped myself off the floor to serve lunch.

**************

Stephen and I were having a discussion about Spanish. I asked him (just to see what he would say) what language we speak. His response:

"The real kind".

**************

And of course, I had to add some additions to the Sweet Boy Dictionary.

What they say: Tato Banana
What they mean: Taco Cabana

What Z says: Cocoa Pebbles
What he means: : The Flinstones

What Z says: tater tots
What he means: apricots

What Stephen says: consequence
What he means: consonants

What Marc-Adam says: heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh
What he means: Please, Mother, if you don't mind, please may I have some more of those delicious Goldfish crackers? Can I just have the whole box?